


Darkest Desire

by AshZombie13



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gentle Negan (Walking Dead), Negan (Walking Dead) Swears, Negan (Walking Dead) is an automatic warning, Negan Kills Abraham Ford, Negan Kills Glenn Rhee, Negan Smut Week, Nice Negan (Walking Dead), POV Negan (Walking Dead), Possessive Negan (Walking Dead), Protective Negan (Walking Dead), Sexy Negan (Walking Dead)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-10-15 09:28:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 67,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshZombie13/pseuds/AshZombie13
Summary: Negan slow burn. The reader has been with Rick's group since the beginning and is in the lineup when they meet Negan.  He takes an interest in her immediately, and he eventually takes her back to the Sanctuary. After what he has done to her friends, he struggles to gain her trust and love by being nice. She struggles to understand her feelings as they grow closer.





	1. The Day Will Come When You Won't Be

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to update on here as much as I do on Tumblr!

_It all happened so fast._

Your group had been carrying Maggie through the dark woods. Trying to get to Hilltop when you heard whistling coming from every direction. You were surrounded and the next thing you knew your weapons had been stripped away and you were all forced on your knees. You looked at the rest of your group. Noticing Eugene who was suppose to be in the RV distracting these people from finding the rest of you. He was barely holding it together. You wondered what the hell happened. Maggie was on your left, Abraham on your right. You could hear a van door opening behind you. Being dragged out was Daryl, Michonne, Rosita, and Glenn. They were forced down in the lineup next to Abraham. Daryl had a lot of blood on him. You started to panic, breathing heavily.

_What had they done to him?!_

He stared right back at you just as surprised to see you. You only broke contact when Abraham squeezed your hand to calm you. He lightly kept a hold of it. The RV was in front of you and the door swung open.

“Pissing our pants yet? Boy do I have a feeling we’re getting close. Yep. Gonna be pee pee pants city here real soon. Which one of you pricks is the leader?” he had a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire resting over his shoulder. He had the largest wolf like grin, staring at all of you like prey.

“It’s this one” Simon pointed to Rick. “Hi. You’re Rick right? I’m Negan.”

He talked about how your group had killed so many of his men.

“You got no fucking idea how not fucking cool that shit is. But I imagine you’ll be up to speed shortly. Yeah. You’re going to SO regret crossing me in a few minutes. Fuck yes, you will.” He was terrifying but you felt you were going to be okay. Everyone was. Your group always finds a way to just survive somehow.

_Negan had a very smooth way of speaking and you had to admit he was insanely attractive… What the hell is my mind doing? I can’t be thinking of that right now!_

“You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me. That’s your job.” You heard Negan speak. “Now I know that is a mighty big fucking pill to swallow but swallow it you most certainly motherfucking will.” Negan described in more detail what he expected from the group. He seemed like he didn’t like the way your entire group was looking at him, especially Rick.

“You don’t really think you were going to get through this without getting punished now did you? You killed my people. A whole damn lot of them. More than I’m comfortable with. For that… for that you’re gonna fucking pay. So now, I’m gonna beat the holy hell out of one of you.”

He introduced his bat to the group “This is Lucille. And she is awesome.” Negan started walking down the lineup. Stopping in front of you he smiled but his attention was turned to Abraham who slightly rose up showing he was protective over you and showed no fear. Negan laughed at this and scratched his beard. “I gotta shave this shit.”

He walked over to Carl and spoke about his gun. It was one that was taken from the outpost when Negan’s men were killed. Negan tucked the gun into his jeans and started walking back down the lineup. He stopped in front of Maggie this time “Jeeezus, you look shitty! I should just put you out of your misery right now.” He lifted Lucille as Glenn screamed and charged at Negan making Maggie cry out. Dwight held Daryl’s crossbow to Glenn’s head.

“Nope. Get him back in line.” Glenn pleaded for Maggie to not be killed making Negan laugh. “Alright listen. Don’t any of you do that again. I will shut that shit down! No exceptions. First one’s free, it’s an emotional moment. I get it.”

He started whistling as he walked up and down the lineup. “I simple cannot decide.” He laughed. “I got an idea.” He said licking his lips. He started walking up and down the lineup…

“Eeny… Meeny… Miny… Moe…” Your heart was racing, not even for your own life but for someone you loved. Your stomach was turning… _fuck, fuck, FUCK._

“…you are… IT.” You could see Negans boots stop. He was almost right in front of you. You could feel Abraham let go of your hand.

“Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boys other eye out and feed it to his father.”

Shaking you looked up to see he had stopped just to your right. Directly in front of Abraham.

"You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell you’re all gonna be doing that…" Lucille came down onto Abraham’s head. Blood gushing everywhere. He threw Lucille down with such force blood had splattered all over you. Instantly you drowned out everything you were hearing. Abraham’s body lay next to you. You were crying and shaking not wanting to look up again. You stared at your knees as a pool of blood slowly crept towards you.

“Oh I can see how hard this is for you.” He stopped in front of Rosita. “Oh were you two?”

Then he heard you sobbing. Turning his attention directly to you. “Or were you his? I did notice he was holding your fucking hand! Come on doll you can do better than that!”

He then leaned back with his arms out as if to show he was the better option. He stood directly in front of you now. “Look at him all over Lucille! Look at my dirty girl! I said LOOK!” You were crying worse now. He started to nudge the bat under your chin to force you to look up. “Damn well look at that fucking face. Shit, if you don’t want to be fucking lonely you can always come home with me!”

“LEAVE HER ALONE.” Daryl yelled as he punched Negan in the face. Negan’s men forced Daryl to the ground.

“No please!” You let escape. Daryl tried to look towards you. Dwight stepped forward offering to kill Daryl. Negan turned him down. He was talking but you stopped listening again.

Everything was spinning for you. _Please can this just end?_

“That’s not how it works. Now I already told you people first one’s free. Then what did I say? I said I will SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN! No exceptions. Now I don’t know what kind of lying assholes you’ve been dealing with but I’m a man of my word. First impressions are important. I need you to know me. So… back to it.“

Lucille came down onto Glenn’s head. He called out to Maggie. She was sobbing, falling apart next to you. You couldn’t look at Glenn like this, and turned to Rick who obviously couldn’t look either since his eyes were locked on you. You felt hopeless but he had that look on his face. The same look he gave you in Terminus. You could hear Negan still swinging Lucille down on Glenn “You bunch of pussies. I’m just getting started. Lucille is thirsty!”

Negan started walking back down the lineup when Rick spoke, "I’m going to kill you.”

_Fuck Rick please not now. Just let this end. We will get revenge later. Please just wait for a better opportunity._

Next thing you knew Negan was dragging Rick into the RV. And then they were gone. The rest of you sat in the lineup and waited for their return.

Dawn was breaking just as the RV pulled up. Both Negan and Rick came out and stopped in front of the group. Negan brought Carl over and made him lay on the ground as Negan drew a line on his arm.

“Please don’t. Please don’t.” Rick pleaded.

“Me? I ain’t doing shit.” Negan exhaled loudly as he stood up.

“Rick, I want you to take your axe… cut your sons left arm off. Right on that line. Now I know. I know. You have to process that for a second, that makes sense. Still though I’m gonna need you to do it or all these people are going to die. Then Carl dies. Then the people back home die. And then you… eventually. I’m gonna keep you breathing for a few years just so you can stew on it.”

Michonne tried to convince Negan to stop. “You don’t have to do this. We understand. We understand.”

Negan stared at Rick’s face. “You understand, yeah. I’m not sure that Rick does.” Rick was pleading to not do this. Pleading to be taken prisoner instead.

“This is the only way.” Negan replied. Rick couldn’t pick up the axe. He was shaking and crying harder.

“Not making a decision is a BIG DECISION!” Negan growled. “You really gonna make me count?” Negan started counting down from three. Rick was losing it. Completely out of control sobbing. This couldn’t be really happening. You held your hand over your mouth, trying not to scream.

“Dad. Just do it.” You barely heard Carl whisper. Rick held Carl’s hand and raised the axe.

Negan kneeled down next to Rick. “You answer to me. You provide for me. You belong to me. Right?” Rick nodded as he was trying to catch his breath.

“SPEAK WHEN YOU’RE SPOKEN TO!” Negan yelled grabbing Rick’s face. Negan starting repeating his words while Rick repeated them back. Rick looked beyond broken, he was destroyed.

“That is the look I wanted to see!” Negan said pointing at Rick.

Negan seemed satisfied with the damage he had done.

And it was finally over.


	2. The Highway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slight change of plans while out on a run for supplies.

“I want to go on a supply run.” You said to Rick as he sat on his porch.

He looked up from the map he was staring at. “Ok come with us. Aaron and I are taking a truck-”

“No.” you cut him off. “I want to go alone.”

  
You gave him a sad look. He could see you needed this. You needed to pull yourself together and stop thinking about what happened two days ago. You had always been great at finding important items and your group needed supplies for the Saviors. He knew you didn’t want company right now.

“Ok but let’s come up with a plan.” Rick pointed to the map in front of him. “Aaron and I will be going this way. You can go here and search this little town. Maybe we missed something last time. Just be quick and careful.”  
  


“I was thinking I could go here… check out this highway. Might be some abandoned cars with supplies.”

Rick shook his head. “No we have seen how bad the highways can be. There will be too many dead. I don’t want you doing that by yourself right now. Especially with Negan out there.”   
  


“But Rick I can be fast and quiet. I’ll hide under the cars if there’s too many. I will keep an eye out for the Saviors too. I’ll be careful.” You pleaded.

  
“No. No, just stick to the plan. And if there is too many dead in the town… Get out and come home.” Rick replied sternly.

There was no talking him out of this…

“Fine. No highway. I will leave in the morning.” You smiled.

Rick wasn’t sure if he believed you.

“Aaron and I will be leaving later in the day just make sure you get home before dark even if you don’t find anything.”

  
“Ok! Promise!” You smiled again. 

He noticed that smile.  _You better follow the plan…_

“I mean it! No highways!” Rick shouted as you started walking away.

  
“Yeah yeah yeah” you shouted over your shoulder as you rolled your eyes.

* * *

It was 5am and you had barely slept. But you were wide awake.

You started grabbing things for your run. Anxious to get out there. Grabbing a backpack, your axe and an extra knife for your boot then you were out the door. Walking towards the gate you smiled at a tired Father Gabriel who was leaving his post at the gate meaning Spencer had taken over. You looked at the motorcycles. Tears formed when you saw Daryl’s. You were tempted to take it but it just didn’t feel right. You decided to take the extra bike Aaron had recently found on a run instead.

“Rick sending you out to look for supplies to hand over to the Saviors?” Spencer asked annoyingly. He didn’t understand how scary Negan was. He had no respect for Rick and blamed him for everything that went wrong.

“Yes I’m going on a run for the group-“ You could see the judgement on his face.

“Yeah… Negan’s group. Not our group.”

You rolled your eyes. “Just open the gate.”

It was way too early to deal with his disrespectful shit.

He sighed “Hope you find good stuff to hand over to the Saviors.”

Then he proceeded to open the gate. You drove off just as the sun was rising.

* * *

A few hours later and you were at the town. It was very quiet besides the few stray walkers you quickly took out. You tried looking in less obvious spots for supplies that might have been missed but it seemed every building had been searched thoroughly. You weren’t going to find shit here. With no walkers and no people, the street was quiet and peaceful. You leaned against a car as a memory of Glenn hit you.

_**“Did you see that?” Glenn said raising his brows looking below at the street full of walkers.** _

_**You stared down at the street.** _ _**“Poor horse…"** _

_**"No a guy was on that horse! I think he got in the tank in time.” He raised the radio he had with him. “Oh shit! We have to help him!”  
Glenn spoke into the radio, “Hey you. Dumbass. Yeah you in the tank. Cozy in there?”** _

You smiled thinking of pizza boy Glenn and the day you met Rick. That felt like a lifetime ago.

You snapped out of it when you could hear loud trucks just a little up the road. Shit! You dove under the car to hide. The trucks were heading towards home.

Might be the Saviors… they were out of sight now. Damn that was too close. You didn’t want to get caught by them when you’re alone. You walked back to your bike ready to go home but you just couldn’t yet. You had nothing to show for your trip and you couldn’t stop thinking about the highway…

Well shit I won’t make it home before dark if I do this. I promised him.   _Sorry Rick._

* * *

It took a few hours before you reached the exact highway you wanted to search. It was one your group had never checked out before.

The highway didn’t look so bad! You told Rick you could handle it. You were proud of your decision. You just had to find something in all these cars!

It was going to get dark soon so you thought it best to sleep in a car and continue scavenging first light. You were very tired since you were running off of hardly any sleep. You wondered what was going on at home. Were the trucks a surprise visit from Negan? It was too soon. Maybe Daryl was there, if he was even still alive. Did Rick and Aaron leave for their run? Your mind was full of questions. You drifted off to sleep as you listened to a walker or two pass by the car.

The morning sunlight was beaming through the windows as you woke up. You sat up focusing your eyes on the highway that was now full of walkers.

_FUCK_. A whole fucking herd of them.

You just hoped they would quickly pass so you could hurry and get to searching. No way in hell would you tell Rick about this.

It took a good five minutes for the entire herd to pass. You waited for them to be completely out of sight so they wouldn’t turn back around. Now was your chance to scavenge before another herd showed up.

You were doing pretty well searching the cars. So far you found enough canned food to almost fill your bag. You were digging in a suitcase when you found clothes perfect for Judith. “This will make Rick happy!” You smiled filling up the rest of your bag. Maybe he won’t be that angry since your trip was a success. You noticed that too many dead were showing up.

Ok search one more. _Just one._

You opened the trunk of the last car you planned on opening. It had a heavy backpack inside, you had no time to open it so you threw it on your shoulder with your other backpack just as a walker came towards you. You had quickly lifted your axe just in time to kill it. It fell to the ground right next to another walker dragging itself towards you. Then you looked up noticing another herd was just in front of you.

Time to fucking _RUN._

You were running towards where you had left your bike. Shit you had stayed out here too long and you didn’t realize how far away your bike was. You had to kill at least six walkers before you made it on your bike. Riding out of there as fast as possible.

Your motorcycle roared down the road as you neared home. You felt good after a good run. You were able to clear your mind more and it was nice pretending that the Saviors never showed up. For just a moment it felt like Glenn and Abraham were alive and Daryl was safe. You knew Rick would be pissed that you went to the highway. You have never gone that far alone. He was probably already worried sick, unless he wasn’t home yet. You were too determined have a good run and find good stuff for the group. And damn you had succeeded! When you had finally stopped a moment to look into that heavy backpack you saw it was full of medicine. Maybe you and Rick can go back sometime and search more cars.

You then saw the Alexandria gates ahead just as you heard a gunshot.


	3. Welcome Home Doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You come home to find Negan and his Saviors are there.

You shouted for Spencer to open the gate. You assumed he would be there again today since he usually guarded the gate until late afternoon.

Instead the gate was opened by a man you had never met. He was holding a large gun and you realized he was one of Negan’s men. You noticed Rick and Aaron’s truck was also here full of supplies. It looked like they got here just before you since the truck was barely starting to get searched by the Saviors.

Another gun shot rang out.

You froze for just a moment unable to comprehend what was happening. Didn’t you see Negans trucks yesterday? They couldn’t have been here this long or have come back for a second trip. That just didn’t make sense. You were starting to regret your decision to go to the highway. Your group needed you yesterday. The shouting pulled you out of your thoughts. You starting running towards it and noticed that there was a major scene in front of Rick’s house. Negan was standing in front of a pool table, he looked pissed and he was bloody. There was so much going on that you didn’t know where to look first.

“What the hell is going on?!” You shouted.

Rick and Negan both turned to you.

Negan grinned. “Well look who the fuck it is! Shit my shit day just got a little fucking better! Welcome home doll! Where the fuck have you been?”

“W-whaaat?” You replied as Rick stared harshly at you. He realized you had just come home.

“I was just here fucking yesterday to pick up my shit and I was hoping to see you but you weren’t here. I was told that you were suppose to be back before dark so I waited and you never fucking showed. I fucking hate waiting. So answer my fucking question, doll. Where… the FUCK… were you!”

Holy shit he was pissed. Why did he care where I was? You could tell he was getting annoyed by your delayed answer.

“Looking for supplies.” You said pulling both backpacks off.

“You fucking let her go alone overnight on fucking supply runs?” He looked at Rick.

“What the fuck is wrong with that? I’m good at finding shit and I prefer to do runs alone.” You angrily snapped back to Negan.

“HEY. Watch your tone doll. I’d say you’re too fucking hot to be out there alone at night like that. Especially since I was waiting for you to come back when you were fucking told to. Sounds like you’re a fucking rule breaker.”

You glared at him. Why does he care? Why was it so important to him that you were here when he picked up his shit?

“Well did you find good shit?” He looked down at your backpacks.

“Finally yes. I had to go out further than we had planned…” you trailed off looking at Rick.

Rick turned to you now “How far?” he softly spoke, closing his eyes. He already knew the answer.

“… The highway.” You couldn’t help but smile.

His head cocked slightly. “No. I told you that was a bad idea. Too dangerous. Too many of the dead.” Rick was tired and frustrated.

“I know I know. But I didn’t have any luck out there and I just knew there would be something good out on that highway! I was quiet and careful. Didn’t run into any trouble at all. Really, it was no big deal.”

_No way in hell you were going to mention the herd. Nope._

“Shit sounds pretty fucking brave to me doll. Kinda fucking badass! I like that. So how about you show your fucking leader what you brought home?” Negan said reaching his hand out expecting you to hand him one of the backpacks.

You glared at him hard then smirked as you handed your backpack over to Rick.

Negan scoffed. “Wrong fucking answer doll. Rick…. Hand it over to your leader.”

Rick nodded as he handed Negan your bag. Negan had a huge grin and then proceeded to look inside the bag, impressed by the amount of medicine.

“Why are you here?” You asked in a more annoyed tone than you should have.

“I can do whatever the fuck I want.” Negan snapped at you. Obviously pissed at your actions.

“Well you said you were here yesterday and now you’re here again. We didn’t expect to see you until the end of the week. Why are you here again?” You replied as nice as possible not wanting to upset him again.

“Well as I was just telling Rick before you showed up, Carl snuck onto one of my trucks and killed some of my men. The little serial killer was trying to kill me!” You glared at Carl.

 _Why couldn’t he ever just stay in the fucking house damn it._ Negan wouldn’t be here if Carl would just think before acting. And… you just realized the dead body on the ground next to the pool table. It was Spencer.

“Spencer?” You said softly.

“Oh yeah so here I was fucking having to wait AGAIN but this time for Rick when fucking Spencer here decides to come up and try to fucking convince me to kill Rick and put him in charge! So I fucking called him out. Told him he didn’t have the fucking guts to do it himself! Turns out I was fucking wrong, he did have guts. Consider that a favor Rick. He was after you and I took care of that shit! Then this little fucking badass bitch pulls out a gun and tries to kill me! She fucking marked Lucille! I needed to fucking know who made this homemade bullet and no one I believed was fucking speaking up, so I told Arat here to shoot someone to get a real fucking answer. Olivia got the fucking bullet. Then this one came forward.” He grabbed Eugene’s shoulder making him cry harder than he already was.

“So Rick, I will be relieving you of your bullet maker. You can keep Rosita. Olivia got her fucking punishment instead. And the shit you brought me isn’t good enough. I want you to find more.”

Negan looked to his Saviors. “Pack bullet maker here up. Finish filling up the truck. We’re fucking done here.”

He began walking towards the gate. _Good._

Finally he is going to leave! Or so you thought…

“Oh shit I almost fucking forgot!” Negan grinned turning around and swinging Lucille.

_Oh fuck. What now?_

He walked back over to you and Rick. “Carl fucked up real fucking bad. Time for his fucking punishment.”


	4. The Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deal is made for Carl’s punishment. The Saviors return to The Sanctuary.

Shit he is going to kill Carl.

“Negan please. I will deal with him. Just leave.” Rick pleaded.

Negan snapped back, “He gunned down two of my men! He tried to fucking kill me! Maybe I should fucking have you cut his fucking arm now! Or cut out the other eye! Maybe Carl should come back home with me and be fucking prison buddies with Daryl and the bullet maker. Yeah I think I fucking like that idea best.” He turned and looked you up and down. “What do you fucking think doll?” He grinned.

You stood there silently. Thinking really hard about what you were about to do. You could see the fear in Rick’s eyes. You thought about how Carl never listened and would probably get himself into more trouble if he left with Negan. You wondered what would happen to Eugene. How alone Daryl must feel. Then your mind was made up. You had to go with Negan.

It almost sounded like Negan growled as he stomped over to you, “Speak when you’re spoken to!”

“I-I have an idea” you barely spoke.

Negan grinned. Licking his bottom lip slowly. “Well I sure as hell would love to fucking hear it!”

You took a deep shaky breath, “I’m sure you put Carl through hell all day. Let him stay here. Take me as your prisoner instead. I will take any punishments he would have received.”  

“NO” Rick looked shocked by your offer. You looked at him with tearful eyes and nodded to tell him you would be okay. “No Negan, please. Take me. Leave her and Carl out of this.”

“Rick you need to stay here. Make sure Carl doesn’t do anything stupid. I can handle this.” You turned to Negan, “Taking me as your prisoner because of Carl’s mistake will drive them crazy. Is that good enough for you?”

“Doll you sure know how to make a deal!” he smiled leaning backwards “I like that.”  
  


With that he whispered something to Rick and led you to the truck where Eugene had been placed.  
Just like Eugene, a bag was placed over your head and the trucks drove away from your home.

* * *

You don’t even know how long the truck had been driving but it seemed like forever. Not being able to see anything, you turned to your thoughts. You were so focused on finally seeing Daryl. Negan’s mention of him in a cell confirmed that he was alive. You also thought of what Rosita probably said to Eugene to get him to make that bullet. It was so stupid of them to do that and Olivia was dead because of it. All of this could have been prevented if everyone would just trust Rick.

Suddenly the truck stopped. You were abruptly pulled out of the truck and the bag was ripped off. Negan stood before you “Welcome to your new home! The Sanctuary!”  
  


You noticed everyone in the yard was kneeling at his presence. They either feared or respected him. Maybe both. As you entered the main doors you saw that everyone inside was kneeling as well.

A man you recognized as Simon came running up towards Negan.  
“We have a big fucking problem! Fat Joseph is dead. And Daryl… escaped.”

“SHIT! FUCK! SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK SIMON!” Negan was furious.  
He pointed at you and Eugene. “Arat…Dwight…Lock these two up I got shit to do.”  
  


You were both being forced down a hallway. You gave Eugene one last look before being placed in a cell next to him. It was a dirty cold dark room. More like a closet actually. You smiled at the thought of Daryl escaping. You knew he was okay wherever he was and he was headed home. He and Rick together could figure a way out from this mess. You fell asleep listening to Eugene cry.

* * *

__**“We’re on easy street  
** And it feels so sweet  
Cause the world is but a treat  
When you’re on easy street” 

“WHAT THE FUCK” You screamed. The music had startled you awake. You grabbed your ears trying to help drown out the music. The song repeated over and over and over for hours. You were losing your mind. Did Daryl go through this for days? Suddenly silence. You could hear footsteps right outside your door. The door swung open blinding you from the first light you had seen in over 24 hours.  
“Good Evening! Boss wants to see you!” Simon grinned.

You just stared at him. The music was still repeating in your head. Simon pulls you up trying to not be rough but not gentle either. “Gotta get going. Can’t keep Negan waiting he hates that shit.”

As you walked through the halls you noticed a lot of people staring at you. Some seemed sad and others looked like they wanted you dead. “Where is Eugene?” you asked.

“Back in his cell. He’s next on the to do list but Negan wanted to see you first.” Simon pulled your arm harder as you neared the end of the hall.

You stopped in front of a large door and Simon knocked three times. “Come in” you heard Negan shout through the door making you hold your breath. Entering Negan’s room you saw how nicely decorated it was. Actually pretty damn luxurious looking. He had two black sofas with a glass coffee table in between them, a huge king sized bed, a tray with a large variety of liquor, and several bookcases full of  books. There was a door in the corner which you bet lead to his own private bathroom. Negan grinned looking you up and down. His tongue tracing his bottom lip. “Good evening, Doll. Have a good day?” He chuckled damn well knowing what hell you had been going through. He motioned for Simon to leave and asked you to sit as he poured himself a drink. “So here’s the thing Doll. I don’t really fucking like the idea of you being a prisoner here so I have a better idea.” He sat on the sofa across from you. He licked his lip again and a small groan left him as he stared at you. “You got two fucking options. Work for points… or… become my wife. You’re so fucking sexier than my other wives. You’d definitely be my fucking favorite!”

The only thing you could mutter out was “Wives?” your jaw dropping.

“Yup! Got fucking five and you can be sexy number six! You would never have to do shit around here. Just look sexy as fuck and be ready to fuck whenever I fucking want!”

Nope. No way in hell were you agreeing to that shit.  
“So tell me how I’ll be working for points?” You responded. Negan looked disappointed in your answer.

“Your fucking loss Doll”  
He finished his drink and walked to the door grabbing Lucille, “Follow me.”  
You walked with him silently down several flights of stairs until he found Dwight.  
“Hey just who I was looking for! Dwight I need you to show her around. Explain how shit gets done. Simon and I got some serious shit to do with our bullet maker friend. Be a good girl, Doll. Remember that you took Carl’s place. Don’t break the rules or I’ll have to go pay Carl a visit.” With that he left you with Dwight. Going off to probably further torture Eugene. You knew there was nothing you could do to stop it. You made a deal and you couldn’t give Negan a reason to go back to Alexandria to hurt Carl.

“Okay Dwight how does this work?”  
“Alright let’s get to it.” You both started walking.  
“So jobs rotate here so no one gets too comfortable in their position. Some jobs are easier and some are harder and take more time to get done. Not everyone works with the same group everyday either.” He stopped to open a door to a small room. “This will be your room now. Your job assignments will be written on your door everyday. Let’s go get you some new clothes.”

He brought you to a huge laundry room where a group of people were washing massive amounts of clothes. “Here you go these should fit. Now lets get you cleaned up.” You continued walking. Wow this place was huge. You couldn’t believe the amount of people here.

“The women’s showers are in there. Just down this hall is the Comissionary where you can buy stuff we bring in with points. The more jobs you do the more points you get.”

“Does everyone work for points here?” you asked.

“If they wanna eat hell yeah! Unless you’re one of Negan’s wives. They get anything the ask for.” Dwight looked sad as if he was thinking about someone.  
“Alright take a shower and get some rest. You got work in the morning. Leave your dirty clothes in the laundry bin in there. Can you find your way back to your room?”

“Yes I remember the way.” You actually weren’t sure but you didn’t need his help. “Okay then I’ll leave you now. Behave. You don’t want to piss Negan off.” Dwight walked away towards the Commisionary.

Even though the water was freezing the shower felt amazing. You realized the last one you had was the night before leaving for your supply run. You were thankful that the showers had towels provided. There must be a special job just to do so. You quickly dried off eager to go back to your room. Finding it wasn’t a challenge, which you were grateful for because the shower made you feel even more tired. It was a very small room with just a twin sized bed, a nightstand, and a chair. But all you cared about was the warm comforter on the bed. You snuggled into the comforter immediately but you missed the feeling of your bed in Alexandria. The last time you were in that bed you were so eager to get out of it and now all you could think of was laying in it again.

You were going to miss Alexandria. You hoped you’d see it again soon.


	5. A Brand New Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: First working day at the Sanctuary starts with an encounter with Negan.

_KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!_

“Rise and Shine doll! It’s gonna be a fan-fuckin-tastic day!” You heard Negans voice through your door. You groaned and pulled your blanket over your head not wanting to wake up. No you weren’t at the Sanctuary and no Negan was not outside your door. This was all just a nightmare. At least that’s what you wished was true.

Another loud knock. “Wake the fuck up!” Negan shouted.

“I am awake!” You shouted back.

“You decent?” Negan called out again. You were surprised he was still outside your room. You sat up on your bed quickly, “Yeah come in.”

Your door practically flew open and Negan stood in the doorway with Lucille over his shoulder. He was surprised to see you in bed still. “Damn doll! Want me to join you?” He grinned and winked as he walked in. He leaned Lucille against the wall and sat down on the edge of your bed.

“See that chair in the corner? I believe people use it to sit on!” You remarked sarcastically.

“Cute as hell and funny. I fucking like that!” His eyes trailed down to your body before returning back to your eyes. “So, I trust Dwighty boy told you how shit works around here? No confusion?”

“Yes he did. I get my job assignment, which should be new everyday, and I get points. All seemed simple to me.” You lazily replied rubbing your eyes, wanting to sleep more.

“Well good to know someone knows how to do their fucking job! Gotta reward D for that. Now sweetheart, how’s your day so far?” He said sarcastically.

“Well my morning hasn’t even started I just woke up!” You were irritated now.

“That’s fucking interesting considering it’s way the fuck past breakfast and everyone else made it to their fucking job assignments except for one fucking person! Did you get permission to skip your job assignment and sleep in? Shit doll if this is how you want to live that’s fine by me but only my wives get that fucking privilege! So damn if you want to change your mind now I am so fucking on board with that.” He looked at you lustfully.

Your eyes widened. How could you already mess up? Shit! Carl’s life depended on you following rules here and you’re already screwing up!

“What? Oh my god! I am so sorry! I-I must’ve been exhausted from these last few days. I usually never sleep in like that. I’ll get to my job and work twice as hard today I promise! This will never happen again.”   
You panicked rushing through your words.

“Calm the fuck down doll. Shit hasn’t hit the fan yet! Now I know it’s an adjustment so I’m gonna let this one slide. Just a one time thing. But… next time you’re bad… let’s just say it won’t be fucking pretty. Now be a good girl and get ready for work.”

You were grateful he wasn’t harsher. He could have punished you but he didn’t. He could have threatened Carl’s life but he didn’t. He could have forced you to become his wife but he didn’t. He also wasn’t moving off your bed so he obviously expected you to get dressed with him still there.

“I gotta get dressed do you mind?” You motioned for him to move.

He chuckled softly and licked his bottom lip, “I don’t mind at all. Shit I’ll get out of your way!”

He got up quickly but instead of going for the door he turned and sat in the chair. Winking at you as he stretched his hands behind his head. “Better get moving doll. Don’t want to get in trouble again.”

You glared at him. He was playing games with you. If he was going to tease you with a punishment then you’ll tease him right back and show him what he can’t have. He expected you to fight back and tell him to leave but instead you threw the blanket off of you and got out of bed. Wearing only your tank top and panties. You walked up to him to grab the clothes that were hanging on the back of the chair he was sitting on. You leaned in front of him, pulling them off the back of the chair very slowly. You walked back to the bed and kept your back turned to him giving him a view of your ass. You heard him let out a soft groan. You slowly pulled off your tank top making Negan lean forward in the chair. Watching your movements closely. You clasped your bra and turned to the side to put on your jeans. Negans eyes were drinking in your image. He brushed his gloved hand over his chin. You walked back over to the side of the chair to pick up your boots. Bending over to put them on right in front of Negan giving him a closeup view of the top on your breasts peaking out of your bra. You could hear him let out a shaky breath making you smirk. You walked back to your bed and slid your new t shirt on. Negan stood up looking at you with dark eyes. You knew what he was about to do so you quickly opened the door to read your job assignment

“Gotta go! Apparently I’m already late!” You smirked at him before walking out the door.

* * *

You didn’t take long to find the laundry room where you were assigned today. You remembered it from last night when Dwight took you to get your new clothes. Walking in almost everyone glared at you. It was very uncomfortable.

“Hi. Sorry I’m late. I was assigned to work here today. Can someone explain what I do here?” There was only silence. “I know I should have been here on time. I don’t need any points today but I’d still like to work.”

Finally a young man spoke up, “Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t get points, you don’t eat. You can just stay a little later than everyone else to make up for it. Sound fair? My name is Jamie by the way.” He shook your hand. “Come over here. You can help me wash the last of these dirty clothes.”

You followed him over to a large tub full of jeans. “So have you been here long Jamie?”

“Yeah it’s the longest I’ve been anywhere. About 10 months now.” He smiled sweetly. He was so far the nicest person you had met here. Everyone seemed like they hated you.

Next you both started to wring the water out of the jeans. “What’s next?”

“Empty the stuff in the dryer so I can put these in.” You did as he asked quickly and started folding the dry clothes.

“Hey that’s nice that you have working dryers! Too bad there’s no matching washers.”

Jamie laughed. “Yeah I’m just glad we don’t have to mess with clothes lines. Do you realize how long that would take?” It took a good two hours to finish folding the clothes. Laundry was a big deal when you did it for the whole community. “Ok so everyone is going to start coming down to grab new clothes for tomorrow. Can you go around to the bathrooms to leave fresh towels?” Jamie asked holding a basket full of them.

“Yeah no problem!” You grabbed the basket of towels and left. From what you could tell it seemed there was specific times that people usually showered. In the early morning, groups would come grab new clothes and head to the showers. When they were done the bathroom laundry was collected and worked on right away. You missed all of that since you were too busy sleeping. Then a early evening group took showers before dinner. Of course there were a few stragglers here and there, it all had to do with when someone started or finished their job assignments. You had just finished unloading the towels so you were on your way back to the laundry room. Suddenly you were grabbed from behind and forced to the hallway wall. Negan stood towering over you with one hand leaning on the wall and the other holding Lucille at his side.

“Hey doll.” He smirked. He was so close to you that you could feel his hot breath on you. “I can’t fucking stop thinking about earlier. Not fucking cool to leave me after that little show. I was so fucking hard after.” He groaned looking down at you.

“Not my fault you wanted to watch. I asked you to leave so that’s on you.” You stepped closer to him pressing into his leather jacket. You were trying to prove that you didn’t fear him but the tension was just making him want you more. “I really should get back to the laundry room.”

He didn’t move, his eyes were locked on yours as if he was trying to read your thoughts. He finally took two steps back, allowing you to leave. But the thing is you didn’t move. He smirked and moved a step towards you when he was interrupted.

“Hey! I’ve been looking for you! Did you get lost? We still have more work to do before we can call it a day.” Jamie was approaching you as you watched Negan walk away in the opposite direction. You turned back to Jamie who stood next to you now. “You alright? What was that about?” He had noticed you and Negan in the hall and thought he was helping you by interrupting.

“Yeah it was no big deal. Let’s go finish up. I’m dying for some dinner.” Both of you started walking back to the laundry room.

* * *

“Alright we are done for the night! Do you know where the cafeteria is?” Jamie asked. You shook your head realizing that you actually were never told where to find it. “It’s okay we can go together. I’m so starving, I can’t wait to see what the kitchen made today.”

Jamie took you to the first floor of the building. There was two huge double doors that lead into a real cafeteria with a kitchen attached in the back. Jaime motioned for you to follow him to the kitchen.

“Hey Nick what’s for dinner tonight?”

Nick was a kid just a little younger looking than Carl. “Hi Jamie! It’s gonna be spaghetti tonight but we have fresh vegetables for everyone as well! No extra points needed!” He started preparing Jamie a tray.

“Oh really? Awesome!” Jaime smiled. “This is the new girl. She worked with me in the laundry room today.”

“Oh. I uh, heard about you.” Nick responded harshly.

“Be nice. It’s okay.” Jamie whispered to Nick.

“Nick do you always work in the kitchen?” You asked trying to be nice.

Nick glared at you. “No I have to rotate the same as everyone else. Here’s your food Jamie.”  
  


“Hey don’t forget to make another plate for her! She’s just as starving as I am!” Jamie patted Nick’s shoulder. Nick sighed and quickly made you a plate.

You and Jamie sat in the first set of empty benches you could find. You didn’t realize how hungry you were until now. You started devouring your food at an alarming pace.

“Someone’s hungry…” Jamie laughed.

More than half your food was already gone. “Yeah I guess so! I didn’t realize how long it had been since I had a proper meal.”

Since you got to dinner late the room was really clearing out now. You sat in silence with Jamie until you finally got the courage to speak again. “Why does Nick not like me? I mean we just met.”

Jamie sighed. “He has his reasons. Just don’t worry about it. He might come around eventually.”

“Where are his parents?”

Jamie fumbled his hands a little bit. “Gone. I look out for him and his sister, Katie, now.”

You both left the cafeteria and Jamie insisted on walking you to your room. He must have been nervous to let you go alone knowing that Negan could be lurking around. It seemed as if Jamie was a very protective person. Which reminded you a lot of your older brother in that way. It was nice to have someone that reminded you of life before.

You reached your room and had something on your mind that you just had to ask him. “Hey do you… do you know things that go on around here?”

“What do you mean?” Jamie looked confused.

“The night I arrived a prisoner had escaped. Have you heard anything about that?” You asked nervously.

“Oh that. Yeah they couldn’t find him.” Jamie replied. You let out a sigh of relief.

“A friend of yours I assume?” He raised his brows.

“Yes actually. I was afraid he would be captured again. Have you heard about the other prisoner I came in with?”

“Yeah I’ve heard about him…” Jamie started looking down at the floor, shuffling his feet. You stared at him waiting for a reply.

“It’s getting late. You should get in there. I need to head back to my room before curfew. Goodnight.” He quickly started walking down the hallway and you chased after him. “Wait! Please tell me.”

He stopped but didn’t turn to look at you.   
“From what I hear your friend is being tortured.”


	6. The Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A difficult day working in the kitchen with a scary encounter with Negan.

You made sure you were up early today. You didn’t want another morning encounter with Negan. Or did you? No stop thinking that thought right now! You forced yourself to instead think of Eugene and what he was going through right now. Just because you were finding Negan attractive didn’t mean you could act on it. Not after what he has done.

You looked at your door and it said you’d be working the kitchen today. You starting walking to the laundry room to grab a fresh set of clothes before heading to the showers.

When you walked into the kitchen. You looked around hoping to see Jamie but he wasn’t there. That shouldn’t have really surprised you since you just worked with him yesterday. But you hoped someone today would be as nice as he was. Unfortunately you weren’t going to be so lucky. You noticed everyone in the kitchen was glaring at you. An older woman walked up to you pointing, “You can start laying out all the bowls for breakfast.” You quickly did as she said. She had already started cooking several pots of oatmeal while another woman started scooping it into the bowls. “Now you go out there and serve everyone.”

You rushed out each tray as fast as you could. You were grateful that there was other servers taking food out as well. It seemed like more people ate at the same breakfast time than they did dinner. It was probably because the kitchen staff started their jobs early while the other jobs started after breakfast. They all ended at different times though so that’s why dinner times were different. You were walking out with another full tray when you saw Jamie and Nick sitting together laughing.

“Hey guys! Want some breakfast?” You smiled handing a bowl to each. You had noticed that Nick’s smile dropped when he saw you.

“You sleep okay?” Jamie asked knowing you were upset last night when he told you about Eugene.

“Yeah I’m fine. I was bummed that we weren’t working together today. No one is really welcoming here.”

You noticed Nick chuckle and roll his eyes at that last part. Jamie nudged him with his elbow.

“Nick and I are working the infirmary today. Let’s hang out later yeah? There is a nice entertainment room on the second floor. Have you seen it?”

“I haven’t seen it but it sounds cool!”

“Okay see you after dinner.” Jamie waved as you walked back into the kitchen. As soon as you entered the older woman started yelling at you.

“Took you long enough! You better pick up the pace for dinner. Now clean up as we eat our breakfast.” She walked over to a table full of women glaring at you. Shit these women were assholes. After scrubbing the last oatmeal pot you brought your bowl to an empty seat.

“So what do we do until dinner?” You got no answer at first. One of the women spoke up but she wasn’t speaking to you.

“We should have her cook it tonight. I don’t feel like busting my ass today.” The rest of the women nodded looking at you.

“No problem I’d rather cook anyway. But what do we do before dinner?” You asked again.

“Preparation. There is a garden outside to pick vegetables. There is meat to be cut. It takes a lot more time to prepare dinner than breakfast. We also have to make a list of everything in the pantry, that way we know what we need more of. And also to make sure no one is stealing food.” A young woman named Anne finally replied.

“Ok so I will check out what’s in the pantry so I can come up with a meal plan for tonight.” You turned around and headed for the pantry. Inside you found a notebook and started making notes of what was available to you. You had some recipes that you actually remembered. You were glad your brother was always such a good cook.

Anne peeked her head into the pantry. “Hey we’re all going out to the garden to pick vegetables.” You nodded back at her.

You wondered what kind of vegetables the garden had. You might have the ingredients to make classic meatloaf. You were too busy moving things around that you didn’t hear someone walk into the kitchen. The door to the pantry opened slowly but you continued looking at the shelves assuming it was someone from the kitchen staff. “Hey is there any potatoes in that garden?” You asked bending down to the bottom shelf where you noticed a ton of green bean cans. You heard a loud groan come from behind you and two hands were placed on your hips. You spun around quickly to find Negan right in your face.

He leaned in close to your ear, “You sure like to fucking tease me doll.” His hands gripped you tighter. His tongue slowly traced his lips. 

You tried to move but he was too strong. You rested your hands on his chest to try to create some distance.

“What do you want?” You whispered afraid what he was thinking.  

Negan’s expression was surprised, “What? You not happy to see me?” He frowned. His hazel eyes bore into you looking for an answer written on your face.

You struggled to think. There was something about him that intrigued you but you also hated him.

“Why am I not locked up?” The tone of your voice was more angry than you wanted to sound. It was difficult to hide your emotions. You were too much of an open book, which could be dangerous around a man like Negan. His eyes had widened by your reply. He took a step back, releasing his grip on your waist. He still hadn’t answered you.

“Eugene is going through hell right now, correct?” You asked.

“What goes on when you’re not around is none of your fucking business!” He scowled. He was clearly pissed at your attitude.

“It is my business! He is my friend and he is being tortured while I get to roam freely and work for points. Why the hell do I get freedom and he suffers?” You shouted at him. He quickly slammed the pantry door behind him, locking you both inside and stepped closer forcing your back to hit the shelves. He grabbed your chin and snarled his words at you.

“Holy fucking shit doll. You need to watch your fucking tone or you’re going back into your fucking cell! Don’t make me bring Lucille into this shit.” He waited for you to speak but nothing came out of you. Both of you stood there in silence until you both heard the rest of the kitchen staff coming in from the garden. He quickly stormed out of the pantry causing everyone to kneel at the shock of seeing him there. You didn’t move at first but your body shook from the tears you were holding back.

* * *

The entire staff was working extra hard at dinner tonight. If they thought they could force you to cook so they could be lazy they had another thing coming. No way were you putting up with that shit. You had one group washing potatoes, while another mashed up the already cooked ones. Another group was baking bread while you mixed and cooked the meat.

It seemed the kitchen staff was slightly warming up to you. They weren’t glaring or being rude like they were in the morning. They definitely still didn’t like you but at least now they were acknowledging your presence so that’s a step up. Anne spoke to you the most.

“I’m actually excited to eat tonight!” Anne giggled.

“What do you mean by that?!” You furrowed your brows.

“Well most of the time we have spaghetti and that’s good but it’s usually cause everyone just wants to boil noodles and throw on some canned sauce. They just want to sit around and gossip. No one puts this much effort into meals here.” Anne sighed.

“Hey maybe Negan will be so impressed he’ll make you a permanent chef!” Anne clapped her hands in excitement.

You couldn’t help but laugh in her face. You impress Negan? Negan bend the rules for you? Yeah that’s definitely not happening!

The kitchen staff was trying to work fast to fill trays up for the early dinner rush. Anne noticed all of Negan’s wives enter and sit at a table together.

“Oh be prepared for one of Negan’s wives to come in here to get his plate. And be prepared for her to be bitching about how stressful her day was painting her nails!” Anne rolled her eyes.

The wives already annoyed you. Just knowing that they sat around most of the day doing nothing pissed you off. So to know they actually complained about their day made you angrier. Another thing that pissed you off was that Negan couldn’t grace the cafeteria with his presence.

“Why doesn’t he get his own damn food?” You rolled your eyes.

“I know! They don’t even get to eat with him. They usually eat first or take him the food immediately and then come back here to eat but they never stay with him to eat.” Anne explained.

“Why doesn’t he just get off his lazy ass and eat down here with everyone else?” You replied. Anne just shrugged.

You both decided to go out into the cafeteria to hand out trays quicker. You spotted Jamie and Nick already stuffing their faces.

“Oh my god I forgot how happy food can make you!” Jamie said with a mouthful to Nick.

“Hey glad to see you guys are enjoying the meal!” You grinned.

“Were you a cook or something?” Jamie asked shoving more meatloaf in his mouth.

You laughed, “No not even close. But my brother cooked all the time and he liked to proudly explain to me everything he did right. I guess I absorbed some of that information!”

Nick spoke softly, “Our dad was a good cook. He was good at a lot of stuff.”

You noticed a young girl sitting next to Nick and wondered if it was his sister. Nick’s comment had made her frown. Jamie realized he hadn’t introduced her to you yet.

“Oh this is Katie! Nick’s sister!” Jamie pointed to the girl trying to lighten up the mood.

Nick quickly spoke in an annoyed tone, “She’s shy so don’t expect her to talk much.”

You smiled at her and she sweetly smiled back. She was a lot younger and reminded you a lot of Mika with her blonde hair and little braid.

“Enjoy your food! I gotta go finish up in the kitchen.” You said noticing Anne running back to the kitchen.

* * *

“Oh my god! Everyone is so happy!” Anne jumped up and down.

You were still filling up trays for the few remaining people.

“Yeah makes you wonder why you all hated me this morning!”

Anne frowned, “Well everyone has their reasons for feeling how they do about you…”  
She didn’t get to finish her sentence because Simon came through the door whistling.

“Damn sweetheart! You sure can cook!” He patted his stomach. “I swear to you I could eat that every damn day!”

One of Negan’s wives, Amber, came into the kitchen. You could tell she had followed Simon inside.

“Hey Simon! I’m glad I caught you. Negan didn’t request for anyone to bring his food so I wanted to ask if I could take it up tonight?” Amber asked.

“Not tonight sweetheart. Negan has other plans…” Simon turned back to you.

The entire staff had started to make their own dinner trays and you were starting to do the same for yourself.

“Hey sweetie while you’re getting your food get Negan’s plate as well.” Simon demanded nicely. Amber was still questioning him about Negan’s dinner but he was totally toning her out while he sneaked a couple more bites of meatloaf. You finished yours and Negan’s plates, handing Negan’s plate to Simon. He smiled and handed it right back.

“No darlin’ boss requested you bring his food tonight… and yours as well.”

You almost dropped the tray from shock.

What. The. FUCK.

* * *

You didn’t know what to do. Why did Negan want to see you? Was he going to punish you for your attitude earlier?

Amber’s jaw had dropped, “Simon! Why did he ask for her? She’s not even one of us! He never asks for us to eat with him!” She was furious.

“Shut the hell up! Shit, this is none of your business Amber! Now get out of here or I’ll tell Negan that you’re causing problems.”

Amber stomped out of the kitchen. You never expected the wives to act so annoying. You assumed they all acted like this because of what Anne said. It really made you wonder what Negan saw in them. Simon started snapping his fingers at you.  
“How many times do I have to say that Negan hates waiting? Shit you better hurry. He was already pissed off at you earlier.”

Your eyes widened. Simon knew what had happened earlier. What had you done? There was definitely going to be consequences for your attitude.

“Get fucking moving already!” Simon yelled.

He startled you and you quickly grabbed a tray with yours and Negan’s plates. As you walked through the cafeteria you saw that Jamie and the kids were already gone.

You walked quickly through the halls with your heart racing. Once you got to Negan’s hallway you walked as slow as possible. You reached his door and stood in silence.

This could be your final moments alive. Or maybe he was going to kill someone in front of you. It could be Eugene. Maybe he has Carl now or found Daryl. Tears were welling up in your eyes. You were usually stronger than this but you were terrified.

You lifted your shaking hand to Negan’s door…

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_


	7. Dinner With Negan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intense dinner with Negan.

You let out a shaky breath outside Negan’s door and knocked.

You heard his voice on the other side invite you in.

Slowly you turned the handle and entered the room with your eyes glued to the ground. Negan was sitting on one of his couches holding Lucille. You looked around the room and was grateful to see that no one else was there. You let out a sigh of relief.

Negan smirked seeing how nervous you were. He slowly stood up and walked towards you making you tense up. He went right past you to shut the door behind you. You had forgotten to close it because you were so nervous.

Negan placed a hand on your shoulder making you jump. He laughed as he turned you to face him.

“Calm the fuck down doll!”

“W-why am I h-here?”

“You ask too many fucking questions doll.”

Negan grabbed the tray from you and walked back over to the couches. He placed the tray down on the coffee table and took a seat still holding Lucille.

“Get your ass over here and take a fucking seat.” He pointed with Lucille to the couch in front of him.

You slowly walked over and sunk into your seat. He kept flipping Lucille around in silence. You just watched him trying to prepare yourself that it was possible he’d use Lucille on you just as he did Abraham and Glenn.

“I’m fucking starving!” He placed Lucille on the empty seat next to him and smirked at you. He picked up a plate and started eating. He groaned, as he tasted the good food.

“Damn this is fucking good! Who was the cook tonight?”

“I made it.”

He looked at you with shock and then frowned when he saw you hadn’t picked up your plate.

“Why the fuck aren’t you eating?”

You quickly grabbed your plate and started eating slowly. You both sat in an awkward silence. Negan basically inhaled his food.

“I bet Simon fucking loved this. I happen to know for a fact that this is his fucking favorite meal.”

Negan got up to get you both a drink from his bar. You finished your plate just as he sat back down. He placed a bottle of Scotch on the table and your drink in front of you.

He sucked his teeth and stared at you as he spun his glass.

“Now what happens?” You asked quietly.

He took another drink before he spoke.

“What do you want to happen doll?” His tongue poked out of his mouth, tracing his lips.

You were so confused right now. You thought you’d for sure be dead by now.

“Are you telling me that you requested me to have dinner with you to actually just have dinner? From what I hear you don’t do that shit. And I also heard you were pissed off at me earlier so here I thought I was in trouble.” You threw your hands up in the air as you spoke.

“There’s that fucking attitude again! Fuck yeah you pissed me off earlier! You were fucking yelling at me in the kitchen! There would have been much harsher consequences if you did shit like that, like this, in front of people. Hell, I’d be forced to make a fucking example out of you!”

He finished his drink and slammed it down onto the table. You weren’t sure what to say next. It didn’t seem like he invited you up here to punish you. So what exactly did he want? You picked up your drink and felt the Scotch burn your throat as you drank.

“I need answers.”

“Then fucking do what you fucking do best and ask your fucking questions.”

Negan poured more Scotch into both glasses.

“Why am I eating dinner in your room?” You asked your first question.

“Because I wanted some fucking company.” He took a gulp from his glass. “Next question.”

“Isn’t that what your wives are for? Amber was pissed and threw a fit. I was told that you usually have dinner alone. So why me?”

Negan laughed. “Shit, I didn’t want their fucking company tonight. Honestly doll they aren’t very good at having a damn conversation. And I wanted to get to know you better.”

Get to know me better? What the fuck is going on? You shook your head.

“Why me? Why do you want to know anything about me?”

Negan sighed.

“You’re fucking badass. I like that. It is so fucking attractive you have no idea. From the first moment I saw you I thought you were so fucking hot. Shit I came for my supplies early just so I could see you again. Of course you weren’t there cause you were out looking for supplies. That’s when you really interested me. I could tell there was something different about you. A hot girl who can also scavenge? That’s fucking sexy! That attitude you showed with the backpack and Rick? That showed me you don’t scary easy. Turned me on so fucking much. And now I learn you can cook? Shit I think I just hit the fucking jackpot!”

Negan started to refill your glasses again. You couldn’t help but to burst out laughing almost to the point of tears.

“What the fucking fuckity fuck is so fucking funny?”

Negan slammed the bottle down on the table.

“I was so nervous that I fucked up too bad earlier and you invited me up here to kill me! I walked in here prepared to die and all you want to do is talk!”

You continued to laugh as you picked up your glass.

“Shit doll! I’m not going to fucking kill you for that outburst earlier. Yeah I was fucking pissed about it but I wouldn’t fucking hurt you for it. That doesn’t give you permission to pull that fucking shit again.”

You both sat in silence. He admitted that he didn’t want to hurt you but you still didn’t feel completely safe around him. He did brutally murder two of your closest friends. They were more like family to you. You weren’t close to Olivia and Spencer but their deaths still saddened you. And then there was Eugene. Jamie told you he heard he was being tortured. The thought of that you couldn’t handle. Eugene might be weak but he was very sweet and smart. He didn’t deserve to get punished for Rosita’s actions. You knew she probably hurt his feelings in order to get him to make that bullet. You hated when Eugene got put down, and you were always one to stick up for him.

Negan cleared his throat, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Doll…I want-”

You cut him off quickly.

“I need to know about Eugene. Please.”

Tears started to form. You tried your hardest to hold them back. You did not want to cry in front of Negan. You couldn’t allow yourself to show that weakness.

“I was told that he is being tortured. Why? If he’s not cooperating, I can talk to him… he will listen to me.” You pleaded staring into Negan’s eyes from across the table.

“Don’t worry about him.”

You immediately stood up and started pacing. You were trying to control your emotions but it was no use. The alcohol in your system was helping you have even more courage than usual. As if you needed that extra push.

“How the hell am I not suppose to worry? I haven’t seen him since we were thrown into cells on day one. I had no idea if he was still alive until Jamie told me he was being tortured! How am I suppose to carry on knowing he is right here in so much pain?” You yelled at Negan.

Negan stood up quickly and growled his words. “Who the _FUCK_ is Jamie?!”

You just had another outburst of attitude and the one thing he focuses on is you mentioning Jamie? Was he jealous that you spoke to another man?

“Tell me about Eugene!” You yelled stepping closer.

“Tell me about Jamie! _NOW_!” He yelled back stepping closer. There was no space left between you now.

“Why the fuck do you care about him? We worked the laundry room together and he helped me get through the day. I asked him about Eugene and he told me what he heard. That is all that there is to say about Jamie!”

“The fucking guy that interrupted us in the hall?” Negan tilted his head at you.

“Yes. He’s been nice to me while everyone has shut me out.” You replied calmly.

  
“I have been fucking nice!” Negan seemed insulted.

You couldn’t hold in the tears anymore. You slowly stepped back towards the door as you spoke.

“Nice?! You call killing my friends nice? You call threatening to hurt Carl nice? You call torturing Eugene nice? You have a fucked up idea of what nice is!”

With that you turned and pulled the door open. Before you could step out, Negan came up behind you and slammed the door shut. He left both arms up around you. Your back was turned to him but you were pinned between him and the door.

You expected him to hurt you now or yell but instead he spoke softly.

“Don’t forget you fucking killed my friends first. I did nothing to your group and you went into that outpost and killed everyone. I had people there I fucking knew for a long time. I know there are some assholes here. Hell I’d admit I’m even one of them. But not all the men at that outpost deserved to die.”

He wanted to make you feel guilty so you threw it right back at him.

“You killed Glenn and he had a baby on the way!”

“Yeah well some of those men still had young kids too. Now those fucking kids have nothing!”

You ignored his words. You didn’t want to listen to him right now. You wanted to make him feel guilty.  

“That’s why we were in the woods. Maggie needed help for her baby…”

“I’m sorry she died. I never wanted that.”

You turned quickly to face him. Crying harder now.

"What? Maggie?”

You had no idea that she had died. Negan wrapped his arms around you. Hugging you tightly.

“You didn’t know? Oh hell doll. It must’ve happened when you left to look for supplies then. When I came for my first visit I was shown the graves by that creepy as shit priest. He said that Maggie and another woman had died. The graves looked fresh too.”

It was then you realized Maggie wasn’t dead. She and Sasha had left for Hilltop immediately. Negan’s first visit was the day you left for your supply run. The group had to be caught off guard and someone must’ve dug the graves quickly to trick Negan. You were glad you were smart to figure that out because the thought of them dying was too much right now.

Still you were so emotionally exhausted right now. You pulled away from Negan’s arms.

“I’d like to go back to my room now.”

“You don’t have to go back…”

Negan leaned in towards your lips but you pulled away.

“I want to go…” you put your hand on the handle of the door waiting for Negan to give you permission to leave.

“I’ll fucking walk you to your room then.” Negan walked back over to the couch to pick up Lucille and followed you out the door.

* * *

You both walked silently through the empty halls. Curfew had already begun so no one dared to be out besides the few Saviors who were allowed to roam freely.

He brought you to your door but stopped you from going inside.

“Wait. I have to tell you something.” He looked around to make sure no one was around.

“Bullet maker isn’t getting fucking tortured.”

“What really? But why would Jamie say that?”

“He’s a fucking liar. I wouldn’t fucking trust him.” Negan grinned.

That grin reminded you of the grin you’d give Rick when you lied. Just like when you lied about not planning on going to that damn highway.

“Negan…” you doubted him.

“Al-fuckin-right. Maybe Simon and I put that little fucking rumor out there. I fucking need people to fear the consequences of trying to kill me. Can’t let everyone think you can pull that shit and not get the shit beat out of you.”

“So Eugene is okay?”

“I planned on fucking explaining it tonight but shit that rumor spread fucking fast.” He grinned and laughed.

You waited for his explanation.

“I spoke to mullet man the same fucking night I brought you here. He was crying in his fucking cell while you were sound asleep. He begged me to make a deal with him. Here I fucking thought he was going to beg for his own fucking life but he begged for yours. I did plan on torturing him but fuck he can fucking cry and I just felt sorry for him.”

“He begged for my life?” You were shocked that Eugene would have the courage to speak at all in front of Negan.

“Yeah he told me I could do whatever I fucking want to him but to not hurt you. Of course I already fucking told you I didn’t want to hurt you so that wasn’t in my fucking plans anyway. I told him I wanted him to make me fucking bullets. He agreed under one condition, I had to release you from your cell and let you work here.”

“That was Eugene’s idea? He wanted me to work here?”

“Well I guess he fucking thought it was better than you being in a cell and getting Carl’s punishments. I already planned on offering you the choice of working for points or being my wife. So that deal was easy peasy lemon squeezey! So he’s my bullet maker now!”

“Where is he now?” You asked nervously. He still hadn’t answered to the whereabouts of Eugene.

“He’s in the same fucking cell but he gets let out to work all day making me plenty of bullets! And I do allow him one fucking thing. Food from the kitchen! I bet he enjoyed your meal tonight! See it ain’t so fucking bad for him! No fucking torture.”

It wasn’t the best situation but it was better than you thought. Eugene wasn’t getting tortured. That’s all that mattered. It made you so happy. You smiled at Negan and before you could tell yourself to stop you hugged him.

“Thank you.”

“Hey doll I can think of other ways you can thank me….”

You could practically hear the smirk in his voice. You turned away and laughed.

“Goodnight Negan.” You turned the handle to your door.

Negan started walking down the hall.

“One day doll. One fucking day you will say yes!” He continued walking down the hall whistling and swinging Lucille.

You rolled your eyes as you entered your room. You jumped when you saw a figure sitting in the chair out of the corner of your eye.

* * *

“What the fuck!” You shouted.

“Shhh! Shhh!” Jamie jumped up from the chair he had fallen asleep on.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you! I was so worried when you didn’t show up to the entertainment room. I was looking for you and overheard Amber complaining about Negan requesting to have dinner with you and I thought something bad might have happened!”

Jamie gave you a big hug and then looked you over to make sure you were in one piece.

“Was that Negan just now outside?’ Jamie asked.

You nodded.

“He walked me back to my room since it’s after curfew. I’m so glad Negan didn’t catch you in here!”

“Oh god oh god. I would’ve gotten the shit beat outta me for sure.” Jamie’s eyes widened. “It’s after curfew? How the hell am I going to make it back to my room?” He started pacing.

“Relax. Just sleep here. It’s the only option. You’ll for sure get caught out there.”

You glanced over at your small bed. Maybe two people can squeeze on it?

“Okay but I’m sleeping on the floor.” Jamie had too much respect for you to share your bed. He was very much a gentleman and reminding you more and more of your brother.

You pulled the blanket off your bed and handed it to Jamie.

“Sleep on this at least. I’ll use the sheet. I get hot at night anyway.”

You both got settled in to your beds.   
“So why did Negan invite you to his room? That doesn’t happen you know.”

“I was so scared at first. But it was weird he just wanted to talk. Just wanted my company.”

“Just be careful.” Jamie replied before quickly falling asleep.  

Tonight you’d be able to fall asleep easily knowing Eugene was okay.

But one last thing played in your head…

_“One day doll. One day you’ll fucking say yes!”_


	8. No Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending the night in your room, Jamie has to sneak out. Before he is able to leave Negan comes to wake you.

_“Are they going to let us in? I mean we are practically in but we haven’t moved in a while.” You sat in the passenger seat. Your heart was beating so fast._

_Robbie squeezed your hand his eyes met yours._

_“It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”_

_You and your brother were almost inside the Atlanta city limits. You were both very lucky you left Louisiana when you did. Your uncle, who was already in Atlanta, found out before it was broadcast that Atlanta was going to be a safe zone. This gave you and your brother time to pack up and leave before everyone else got word. The highway was backed up for miles with people trying to get there. The car had been in the same spot for hours. You should have been inside by now._

_“Stay in the car.” Robbie got out and started walking a few cars forward._

_“Robbie? What’s going on?” You got out and ran over to him._

_“I said stay in the damn car!” Robbie shot back._

_A bitten man in uniform ran past you._

_“Wait! Stop! What the hell is going on?” Robbie called out._

_The man was holding his wounded arm that was profusely bleeding._

_“The city has gone to shit! I suggest you run.” He shouted as he then continued on._

_“Robbie we can’t leave without Uncle Greg! He’s been waiting for us! He said Atlanta would be safe.”_

_“We haven’t heard from him since yesterday. Who knows how much worse it is in there.”_

_“We have to at least try right?”_

_Military helicopters flew past the highway full of people hopeful to get inside Atlanta._

_“See? Why would they be sending more military if the city wasn’t still safe?”_

_You didn’t realize what the helicopters meant. Robbie did and he instantly knew what was about to happen but there was no time. He held you close._

_“I love you. Close your eyes.”_

_“Robbie you’re scaring me….”_

_Then you heard the blast from the bombs dropping. Atlanta was being bombed by the military. It was overrun by walkers with you and Robbie at the edge of the destruction._

* * *

Jamie lightly shook you awake.

“Hey sleepy head! Time to wake up!” He whispered.

You sat up in your bed trying to focus back into reality. It was always more difficult to wake up from your dreams when they were memories of people you missed and loved.

“I’m gonna have to sneak out of here carefully. If it got back to Negan that I stayed the night… I don’t think that would be good.” Jamie whispered.

“I will check outside the door to make sure the hallway is empty.” You got up out of bed quickly and completely forgot that you had taken your pants off last night because you were hot. Jamie instantly turned around and grabbed your blanket off the ground he had slept with and wrapped it around you. Damn he reminded you of your brother even more now.

“Oh sorry. Thank you.” You hugged the blanket to your chest.

You slowly cracked open the door. Silence.  
Opening it more you looked up and down the hall to find it empty.

“Oh good! Looks like the coast is clear!” You whispered back to Jamie.

You pulled the door away from you just a bit to read your job assignment for the day when you heard whistling.

Around the corner came Negan, swinging Lucille and heading straight for your room.

“Shit! Negan!” You slammed your door.

Jamie’s eyes widened and he frantically looked around the room.

_KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!_

“Oh Doll…” Negan sang through the door, the handle starting to turn.

You threw your body against the door and grabbed the handle.

“Doll I fucking saw you looking outside your door! I fucking know you are awake!”

You looked back at Jamie who was panicking and pulling at his hair.

“Hold on!” You shouted back at the door.

“I don’t like fucking waiting!” Negan shouted back pushing on the door harder.

It was taking all your strength to hold the door shut with the pressure of Negan on the other side.

“I have to get dressed! Hold on!” You shouted back feeling the pressure on the door stop.

You motioned for Jamie to hide under the bed. He quickly curled up under there but you could still see him. You threw your blanket onto the bed halfway, making it hang down over the side to cover Jamie better.

“Time’s fucking up!” Negan swung the door open and walked in.

Without the blanket you were wearing only your shirt and panties. You didn’t have time to hide Jamie and grab pants.

“Shit doll! I fucking thought you said you were getting dressed? That’s all you fucking managed to get on? What exactly were you wearing to bed?” He winked and stepped closer.

“I was hot last night…”

Great now he was picturing you naked.

“Hell fucking yes you were.”

Negan tucked a lock of hair behind your ear and turned to sit on your bed. He patted the spot next to him for you to sit. He was sitting right above Jamie’s head. Your stomach was turning. If he only knew what was just under him…

“I should get ready for work…”

“No… sit.” He set Lucille leaning on the side of the bed.

You quickly sat down next to him.

He grinned his big mischievous grin at you.

“So I see your fucking job is cleaning duty today.”

Was he trying to make small talk? Is he trying to be nice?

“Yeah I saw that. Sounds like loads of fun.”   
You rolled your eyes. Shit you just gave him the perfect excuse to say what you knew he was going to say.

“Well doll I got the fucking perfect solution! Say yes to becoming my wife! You will never be asked to do shit like that again!”

“Oh I can handle it. Cleaning a place this big will be a major workout. It’ll be good for me to sweat.”

He mischievously grinned again licking his lips. “Oh I can fucking think of a much better workout. Sure as hell will make you fucking sweat…” he groaned leaning in close.

Perfect. You gave him a perfect opportunity to turn the conversation to sex.

“Negan… you don’t like hearing no do you?”   
You giggled as you pushed him back with both your hands.

“One day doll you will say yes!”

“Don’t hold your breath!” You rolled your eyes and got up to find your pants.

Shit. You had thrown them under the bed in the middle of the night.

“Need help looking for something?” Negan looked at you puzzled.

“Just looking for my pants. I don’t need help.”

Negan didn’t see them anywhere in sight. He glanced at the floor next to your bed.

“Well they must be hiding under here!” He stood and started to lift your blanket up

"No!!” You bolted over to your bed. Negan was caught off guard and very suspicious. There was only one way out of this situation…

“I can get them myself.” You smirked and pushed him back down on the bed.

You got on your knees in front of him making him smile. You bent all the way down and started crawling under the bed. Jamie had found your jeans and was handing them to you.

Slowly you back up. Making sure to stick your ass up.

“Damn” you heard Negan growl.

You stood up but before you could put your jeans on Negan pulled you down on to his lap. One arm was wrapped around you tightly as he grabbed the back of your head and pulled you into a hard kiss.

You deepened the kiss grabbing onto his broad shoulders. His hand rested on the side of your neck. His thumb tracing your jawline. He tasted like the Scotch you two had been drinking last night. It felt good but you pulled yourself away from his lips.

“I didn’t say yes.”

“I didn’t hear a fucking no either.”  He smirked. Sliding his hands up your shirt now. 

  
You wanted this but then again you didn’t. You were still very confused by your attraction to Negan, especially after everything that has happened. But you especially didn’t intend on doing anything with Jamie under the bed.

Negan started reaching for another kiss when you pulled away and stood up. You got your jeans on quickly and opened your door.

“Walk me to my job? I don’t know where I start with cleaning.”

Negan sighed grabbing Lucille and followed you out the door. 

* * *

Negan had dropped you off at the first floor cleaning room. It was a small room with loads of cleaning supplies. A woman there told you what you were expected to clean today which consisted of cleaning the first floor including the cafeteria and kitchen. Jamie came running into the room.

“Hey!” You gave him a quick hug.

“That was the most terrifying experience of my life and it didn’t involve dead people trying to eat me.”

“I’m so sorry. Let’s never risk that again.”

“Deal. Guess what? I’m on cleaning duty with you today!” Jamie smiled grabbing an extra mop and bucket.  

* * *

You and Jamie started cleaning the cafeteria right after breakfast. While cleaning you told Jamie that Eugene is okay and it was just Negan trying to scare people.

“Well that does sound like something he would do. You think he’s telling the truth? I mean you haven’t seen your friend in person.” Jamie replied.

“I think he was telling the truth. I guess I can’t be certain unless I see Eugene but I just have a feeling Negan wouldn’t lie to me. At least not about that.”

“What was all that about this morning? One day you’ll say yes? The kissing?”

Jamie was just concerned for you but you were starting to understand why Negan hated all your questions.

“I had to flirt back with him so he wouldn’t find you. That’s all. And he’s trying to convince me to become a wife.”

Jamie raised a brow, “Have you thought about saying yes?”

“Hell no!” You laughed.

“Well he usually doesn’t get turned down like that so I don’t think he’ll give up.”

“I figured. I can handle it.” You let a light smile slip.

Jamie studied your face as you cleaned. He could tell deep down that you liked flirting with Negan. The smile proved his theory.

“We should clean the kitchen soon. I’ll go get us more water. Be right back.” Jamie walked out carrying his bucket.

* * *

The cafeteria was almost clean, there was just a few more tables to wipe down by the entrance and then you could move on to the kitchen. You were almost done with the first table when you dropped your rag under the table. As you bent down to grab it the door creaked open. 

Negan walked through door. He grabbed your hips as you stood up quickly.  

“Always greeting me with your fucking ass in the air.” He laughs resting his head on your shoulder.

“Well you are always sneaking up on me!”   
You bump him with your ass making him groan. He follows you over to the next table. Lucille rested on his shoulder. He stood back watching you clean.

You noticed him watching and started giggling, “So is this a new thing? You watching me work? Don’t you have a wife to entertain?” You joked making him laugh.

Negan studied you. He liked seeing you smile. He liked your laugh. 

Jamie cheerfully walked back into the cafeteria.

“I got more soapy water!” He froze when he saw Negan.

“Holy fucking shit! You sure as hell like to interrupt us! What the fucks your name again?” Negan stormed over pointing Lucille at Jamie.

“J-Jamie, sir.” He was shaking.

“J-Jamie?” Negan mocked him.

“Negan stop.” You reached for Negan’s arm.

“Why aren’t you fucking kneeling?!”

Jamie quickly kneeled. Negan towered over him clanking Lucille on the ground.

“Much fucking better.”

Negan turned to look at you as if he was expecting something. He was expecting you to kneel as well. You glared instead.

“I’m waiting doll…” he tapped Lucille on the ground again losing his patience.

“I won’t fucking kneel. Never again.” You growled.

Negan chuckled.   
“Had the same fucking problem with Daryl. Only he shut the fuck up. Didn’t have that fucking attitude you got.”

Negan turned back around and grabbed Jamie by the back of his jacket. Dragging him out of the cafeteria.

“You’re coming with me.”

* * *

You ran after them but were stopped in the hall by Simon. He grabbed you and held you back.

“Whoa whoa where ya think ya goin’?”

“Let me go!” You pushed but it was no use.

“Okay that’s it. You’re getting a time out.”

Simon pulled you kicking all the way back to your room.

“Stop causing a scene!” Simon yelled, tossing you in your room and slamming the door shut.

You started banging on it and kicking it but it was no use. He must’ve jammed the door shut.

You started pacing around. Negan had just dragged Jamie the way he had dragged Rick. Was he going to kill him? And for what? Damn it I should have just kneeled. 

* * *

Hours had gone by and you were still stuck in your room laying on your bed with your head spinning. Then you heard a noise outside your door. You flew out of bed and grabbed the door handle. Finally you were able to open it to find Nick standing outside.

“Where is Jamie? I need his help. I can’t find him anywhere.”

You pushed past him and started walking towards the stairs to get to Negan’s room. Nick followed you.

“What’s wrong?” Nick asked.

“I think Jamie is in trouble. Negan took him and Simon locked me in my room.”

Nick stopped. “This is all your fault! You ruin everything!” He shouted.

You turned and shook him   
“Give me a break kid! This isn’t my fault! I did nothing wrong!”

Nick stared up at you with tears in his eyes and uttered only one word before he ran off. “Murderer.”

* * *

I can’t deal with this right now. You shook your head and continued towards Negan’s room.

You stormed in without knocking.

“What the _FUCK_!”

Negan sprang up from the couch he was laying on.

“You scared the fucking shit outta me! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

He stomped over to you.

“Where is he?!” You shouted.

“Who the fuck cares? I threw him in a fuckin’ cell!” Negan looked pissed.

“What happened to you being _nice_?”

Negan’s face softened and he grinned as he stared down and you. Something about that grin set you off and without thinking you slapped him. Hard.

Negan shook his head from shock but he didn’t seem pissed. Instead he leaned down, speaking to you in a hushed voice, “I’m about 50% more into you now…”

You went to slap him again but he grabbed your hand.

“Ah ah ah! That’s a no no. First one was free. Second one will have fucking consequences.”

He pulled you by the hand to the couch making you sit next to him.

“So… let’s have a fuckin’ talk about Jamie…”


	9. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and you discuss Jamie, causing Negan to become VERY jealous.

****_“Please…”_

Negan lessened his grip on your wrist.

“Please let him go. He did nothing wrong.” You pleaded again.

“Why the fuck do you care so fucking much about that guy?”

“I don’t… I just…he…” You struggled to find the right words to say.

“Well what the fuck is it then? Spit it the fuck out already! You two fucking around?”

“What? No! I-I don’t see Jamie in that way at all!”

“You fucking sure he thinks the same fucking way? From what I hear he is very fucking friendly with you!” Negan shouted.

“From what you hear? Are you spying on me?”

“Maybe I fucking am but that’s not the fucking point. Jamie needs to be taught a lesson.”

“He didn’t do anything!” You shouted.

Negan was being unreasonable. There was no reason for him to be so upset about Jamie. He was just a friend. The only friend you had since Eugene was locked away.

“I think he fucking likes you. He wants you. I guaren-fuckin-tee if he had the right moment he’d fuck you!” Negan seemed pissed just thinking of the thought of another man touching you. This wasn’t allowed. In his mind you were already claimed as his.

“That’s crazy!” You rolled your eyes.

“You think I’m fucking crazy??” Negan tilted his head at you.

“I didn’t say that. I just know Jamie doesn’t think of me like that. He is always a perfect gentleman.”

“Shit well maybe he is such a fucking gentleman when he’s got eyes on him but if he gets you alone… there is no way he won’t touch you!” Negan growled at the thought.

You didn’t even realize what you were saying until you heard your own voice. “He proved that wrong last night when he slept on the floor instead of my bed! Why would he do that if he wanted me?”

“You wanna fucking run that by me again?”

_SHIT._

You froze. How could you let that slip? Nick was right, you ruin everything.

Negan grabbed your chin, pulling you towards him.

“I’m fucking speaking to you doll. What the fuck did you just say about last night?”

“N-nothing. It was nothing.” You shook.

“Did I hear you right? He was in your _FUCKING_ room? All _FUCKING_ night?!”

Negan stood up quickly and started pacing around his room. He grabbed Lucille and started swinging her around. It was as if he was mentally bashing in Jamie’s skull. He started breathing hard and shaking. He held onto the bat tightly and pulled it to his face.

“Lucille… Give me strength.” He sighed heavily.

You didn’t know how to calm him down. He was going to kill Jamie and it was all your fault. At this point you questioned if he’d kill you or force you to become a wife. Negan finally opened his eyes and scowled at you.

“Why-“ you tried to speak but Negan quickly cut you off.

“No! No fucking questions until I am done asking my fucking questions!” Negan shouted.

He took another deep breath before sitting on the couch across from you.

“Why the fuck was he in your fucking room?” He spoke through gritted teeth.

You took a deep breath, “He was worried about me last night. Amber was throwing a fit about me being invited to your room for dinner and he overheard. He was nervous that something bad was going to happen. He waited for me in my room and fell asleep. It was after curfew when you dropped me off so he couldn’t go back to his room without getting caught. He slept on the floor the whole night.”

There was no way Negan could be upset now. There was nothing wrong with what had happened.

You could tell Negan was thinking really hard about the morning. Things were making more sense to him now. Going to your room. Seeing you peeking outside your door. You quickly shutting it and then not letting him in so you could get dressed… Negan focused on the fact that you took so long to open the door.

“He was still in the fucking room this morning wasn’t he? Hiding? That’s why you freaked the fuck out when I tried looking under the fucking bed for your… _FUCK_. You weren’t wearing any fuckin’ pants. I fuckin’ knew it! You and Jamie? Fuck fucking fuck fuck!” He got up and started pacing again.

“ _FUCK_ that! _FUCK_ him! He fucking touched what was fucking _MINE_! He’s _DEAD_! So fuckin’ _DEAD_!” Negan screamed as he paced back and forth.

“Negan! Stop and listen to me!” You ran up to him and grabbed his face. Pulling his face in front of yours so you could look him in the eye. He was breathing hard and his grip on Lucille tightened. He stared down at you both angry and hurt.

“Negan… the thought of me being with Jamie like that… honestly makes me want to puke. Never not once have I thought about him in that way. He is the only person here that will really talk to me. I like being around him because he reminds me so much of my brother. He looks just like him and acts just like him. He is a nice reminder of what life was like before. Can’t you understand that?”

Negan’s breathing slowed he started tapping Lucille on the floor.

“I understand how you feel about him. But… that doesn’t fucking mean he feels like that about you. For that… he needs to be fucking punished.”

You closed your eyes, letting your hands fall from his face down to his chest. Gripping his leather jacket.

“Negan… please. Just let him go…” You stared back up at him.

“Maybe I will if you’re a good girl…” Negan smirked, starting to wrap his free arm around your back.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” You pushed back on his chest trying to create some space.

Negan reached his arm out to rest Lucille against the couch and then wrapped his arm around your back to lock you in more.

“What do you want it to mean doll?” Negan grinned and licked his lips.

“Please don’t kill Jamie…” You changed the subject

“I’ll fuckin’ think about it doll. I’ll visit him later today. Let him defend himself. Maybe he’ll be sleeping in his own fucking bed tonight!”

He seemed in a much better mood. If you hadn’t calmed him down he wouldn’t have even offered to speak to Jamie. You sighed, “Thank you.” You reached up on your toes to kiss the side of his cheek.

You tried to turn away to walk out of the room but he pulled you closer. Reaching his hand to rest against the side of your neck as he pressed his lips against yours. You deepened the kiss and let out a soft moan.

He pulled away and smirked looking down at you, “There something you wanna fucking say? I think you wanted to say yes…”

You shook your head and pushed him away.

“Boy do I got a feeling we’re getting close!” He grinned leaning backwards.

“Nope! Not a chance!” You blushed and giggled.

“Hmm… looks like you’re fucking lying! I hate when people lie to me but I think I can fucking let this one slide… for now.”

You rolled your eyes. “I should get back to my job assignment. I’m sure there is more to clean.”

Negan nodded, “I’ll be seeing you soon doll.”

Before you walked out the door you turned to say one last thing.

_“Please be nice.”_

* * *

You returned to the cafeteria to clean the kitchen. A lot of time had gone by since you and Jamie planned on cleaning it but dinner time hadn’t started yet so you were able to finish without disrupting the kitchen staff. You continued on to clean the first floor, including the women’s bathroom.

Moving on to the second floor you cleaned the hallways, passing someone else who was on cleaning duties.

“The rest of the floors are clean. You can go to dinner now.” The woman spoke to you.

You dropped off your supplies and then headed into the cafeteria. You didn’t even pick up any food. You just sat at an empty table watching everyone file in. It had been at least two hours since you saw Negan and you started to wonder if he had visited Jamie yet. The thought made your stomach twist and turn. You had no appetite for dinner, might as well skip it. The wives entered and sat down. Amber instantly glared at you from across the room.

You noticed Nick and Katie weren’t at dinner. You should probably check on them for Jamie.

* * *

As you walk down the second floor you see Nick about to enter his room.

“Hey…” you grab his shoulder

“Go away!” He pushes you.

You can hear Katie lightly crying inside the bedroom.

“You said you needed help earlier?” You ask concerned that there is something wrong with Katie.

“No. We don’t want your help. You’ve done enough damage to our lives.”

Nick entered his room and slammed the door in your face. God he was like a mini version of Carl, only much angrier.

Jamie’s room was located right next to Nick’s. You hoped you’d open the door to find him inside but when you peaked in you found it empty. You slid your back down the doorway and sat on the ground.

“Please please be okay.” You whispered, wiping away your tears.

* * *

Curfew was going to start soon but you were outside Negan’s room again. You didn’t want to piss him off and storm in but you had to see Negan. You lightly turned the handle hoping to quietly walk in but it was locked. You raised your hand to knock when you heard voices.

Desperately you pushed your ear to the door to hear if Jamie was inside. Instead you heard a woman giggling. You listened for just a moment to realize that Negan was with one of his wives.

You’re blood was boiling. Here he was enjoying himself and you were sick to your stomach thinking of Jamie.

You started pacing back and forth. Debating on pounding your fist on the door.  

_It’s okay. Remain calm. Just go to sleep. Talk to Negan first thing in the morning. Don’t piss him off now._

Calmly you walked back to your room and struggled to fall asleep.

* * *

Your body knew it was morning. Quickly you jumped out of bed and walked out the door. First thing you would do is speak to Negan.

As you walked down the hall, Simon caught you off guard.

“Where the hell ya goin’ in such a damn hurry?”

“I need to speak to Negan.”

“Oh he’s gone. Left very early this morning.”

Your jaw dropped. “He left?”

“Yeah he had some shit he had to personally deal with. Should be back later tonight. Until then I’m in charge.”

“Then you tell me what he did with Jamie.”

“Huh. Don’t know who you’re talking about?” Simon grinned.

“You know damn well who Jamie is!”

“Oh right. Jamie. Negan saw him this morning.”

“And??” You questioned.

“Negan will discuss that with you later.” Simon smiled and walked away.

_Damn it Simon. Damn you Negan for leaving. If they won’t give me answers then I will get them myself._

* * *

You began to search for the floor that had the cells. You tried retracing your steps from when you arrived at the Sanctuary. Finally you find a specific short hallway that lead to one door that was guarded by Arat.

“What are you-” Arat was shocked to see you. No one dared to go near the cells.

You try to charge past her but she throws you to the ground.

“Get off me!” She was pinning you down.

“We have a code red in the cell block!” She spoke into her radio.

“The fucks going on now?” You could hear Simon on the other end.

“I’m on my way.” Dwight’s voice came through.

You managed to grab the keys off her belt, then kicked her hard. Hard enough to get away. You ran down the hall and opened the door. It lead into another longer hall with multiple locked rooms. Easy Street was blasting. You slammed the door shut behind you and locked it. They probably had another set of keys but this would at least buy you some time.

“EUGENE?! JAMIE?!” You tried screaming over the music.

You managed to unlock the first two rooms, they were the original cells you and Eugene were thrown into. Empty. You couldn’t hear over the music that the door to the hall had reopened. Arat walked towards you with her gun raised. Ready to shoot. The music stopped and Dwight ran in.

“Arat no!” Dwight grabbed her shoulder.

You quickly turned at the sound of the commotion behind you. Arat slammed her gun on the side of your head, knocking you to the ground. You winced in pain, trying to get back on your feet.

“I want to fucking shoot her.” Arat pointed her gun at you again.

“You can’t. Negan will be pissed.” Dwight dragged you into a cell but left the door open.

Simon came running in, “The fuck is going on? Why doesn’t anyone answer me on the damn radio?’ He looked over at you sitting up in the cell, rubbing your head.

“She attacked me and then started opening the cells!” Arat pointed at you.

“Shit! Alright, let’s leave her in here. Negan will deal with her when he gets back tonight.”

With that Simon slammed the door shut.

And then there was only darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curious does anyone have any theories as to what is going on with Nick & Katie? Their parts may seem small but let me tell you, their storyline is a GAME CHANGER! I’ve left several little hints throughout the chapters that will all make sense later…


	10. Fucking Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This has a lot of Negan’s perspective on scenes from the last two chapters. This chapter follows Negan and gives a little insight to what he’s thinking. Negan pays a visit to Rick. Negan comes home to find out what you did while he was away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say that it’s a filler chapter but it’s a lot more than that. I hope it’s not too confusing since it jumps scenes a little but I wanted you all to know what Negan was doing in the last two chapters without having to reread all the dialogue from the last two chapters.

****“I won’t fucking kneel.”

She wasn’t listening. At least Jamie fucking kneeled, but here she was again not obeying.

_Fuck it._

_I’ll teach them both a lesson. I’ve been fucking nice and this is how she treats me? Fuck no. Time to show her again who’s in control here._

Negan grabbed the back of Jamie’s jacket and dragged him out of the cafeteria.

Negan knew she’d come running. Thankfully Simon was already in the hallway. Right hand man was always fucking there to help.

“Simon! Lock her in her fucking room if she causes a scene!”

“You got it boss.” Simon turned to face the cafeteria doors.

Of course she came running and shouting. But Simon was ready to grab her.

Jamie struggled to keep up with Negan’s pace. He was much smaller than Negan so there was no use in fighting him.

Negan approached the cell block and called out to the guard.

“Open the fucking door! We got a new pet!”

* * *

The guard quickly opened the main door and entered the second hall. Walking down to the end he opened a cell for Jamie.

Negan threw him in with such force that Jamie hit the wall head first. He struggled to stay on his feet and turned to face Negan.

“Jamie Jamie Jamie.” Negan sighed, leaning up against the door.

“What the fuck am I going to do with Jamie?” He grinned.

Jamie quickly got down to kneel and pleaded “Please Negan… forgive me for not kneeling earlier. I didn’t realize you were in the room.”

Negan smiled seeing Jamie beg for forgiveness.

“Oh, you think this is about the cafeteria? Jamie! C'mon! I thought you were smarter than that!” Negan laughed as he twirled Lucille over his shoulder.

Jamie tried to figure out then why he was being punished. Why was Negan so mad?

“Guess I’ll just fucking leave you in here a while. Let you stew on it a bit. Maybe then you’ll fucking know why.”

What Jamie didn’t know was that Negan was jealous of him. Jamie had a friendship with the one person Negan couldn’t have. She was too stubborn to be friends with Negan. Yet here she was with Jamie.

Negan’s men reported everything to him. He wasn’t just going to let this girl go without being watched. For many reasons. One of which was the fact she reminded him of someone from his past. Someone he loved.

It was what he heard the first night from his men that he didn’t like. She laughed with Jamie in the laundry room. She made jokes with him. Compared him to some other man named “Robbie”. Maybe a former lover of hers? Negan didn’t know, but he didn’t like that she smiled when she compared them. She obviously loved “Robbie”. He didn’t like that her and Jamie ate dinner together. He hated that Jamie walked her to her room. He hated that the next day she made plans to meet him in the entertainment room.

That’s when Negan had to step in. He couldn’t allow her to hang out with Jamie after dinner. She was his and Jamie couldn’t fuck that up.

Don’t have dinner with Jamie. Have dinner with Negan. Talk about your life with Negan. Laugh with him. Compare someone you love to him. Let him walk you to your room. Negan was incredibly envious of Jamie and it was driving him crazy with jealousy.

Negan needed those experiences with you so he requested you bring him his dinner. He wouldn’t force you to be his wife, but he would make you spend time with him.

But it wasn’t so easy. You were scared of him. You feared talking to him. You threw it in his face that he killed people you cared about. But that wasn’t fair since you had done the same to him, killing more than thirty of his men.

Negan liked you. He felt a connection. Sure he had his wives to fuck whenever he pleased, but that was all they were good for. Holy hell did he want that from you too though. It crushed his ego when you turned down his proposal. He wouldn’t allow that to be your answer forever. He knew he could change your mind. He also wanted to know you. He wanted you to tell him everything about you, every deepest Darkest Desire you had.

Eventually you would give in.

Eventually you had to say yes.

* * *

Negan walked down the hall to his room whistling as he passed Simon.

“Damn she’s a fussy one!” Simon smoothed back his hair and readjusted his shirt. “She’s locked in her room now.”

Negan grinned, “Nice work, Simon! Come on. We have some things we need to discuss.”

Negan and Simon headed down the hall to Negan’s room.

“I can’t believe Sherry fucking left. You think she’s the one that let Daryl out?”

“Dwight came back. He didn’t have Sherry with him. He seemed upset. Said he would talk to you about it later.” Simon reported.

“How did your trip to Alexandria go? I fucking take it you didn’t find shit?” Negan asked.

“Rick seemed like he had no idea Daryl had escaped, but who knows? Maybe he’s lying. Tore that place up pretty bad. Maybe it will shake them up if you go down there.”

Negan nodded his head as he poured himself and Simon drinks.

“Yeah… I can make a quick stop there. Fucking sounds like fun. I miss that little piece of paradise anyway. I’ll go first thing tomorrow morning.”

“I should go with you. I mean, one of them tried to kill you last time.” Simon added.

“No. I need you here in fucking charge. Last time we both left we lost a fucking prisoner! And Fat Joey. That shit wouldn’t have happened if I had fucking left you in charge!”

Simon nodded.

Negan rubbed his eyes. The whiskey was making him tired. Simon left. Negan was alone writing in his books. He was getting more and more weary.

Maybe he could just lay on the couch for five minutes. Just a quick little nap… turned into hours.

Negan awoke to the door slamming open. Simon had forgotten to lock it.

“What the FUCK?“  Negan sprang up from the couch he was laying on.

She had scared the shit out of him and even though she was yelling, he couldn’t help but be happy on the inside that she was here in his room again.

* * *

It was about 3am and Negan couldn’t sleep.

You had kissed him. He was getting even closer to having you completely. But he was a gentleman. He wouldn’t force you to do anything.

He still couldn’t stand that he couldn’t screw your brains out. It would be so much easier if he could get to know you and fuck you at the same time. That kiss made him want you more. He had to have you in some way. He requested Amber to bring his dinner. He thought of you the entire time he was inside her. Every kiss, every touch- he imagined you.

He remembered your words. You finally opened up a little to him. Told him about Robbie. It was a start. But he craved so much more from you.

_But then there was fucking Jamie._

Just because he has a soft spot for you doesn’t mean Jamie gets a free pass.

If Jamie had any feelings towards you, Negan had to show him he wasn’t allowed to touch what’s his. You belonged to Negan and Jamie needed to know.

He thought about how you said Jamie was the only person who was nice to you. You needed a friend. Negan couldn’t allow Jamie to be your friend. He had to take that away. But he could give you something else.

Negan got dressed and headed down to Simon’s room.

* * *

“What the hell Negan? What time is it?” Simon groaned rubbing his half asleep face.

“I need you to start working early today. I have an important task for you. Jesus Simon! Put on some fuckin clothes! I’ll wait out here. Fucking hurry.” Negan ordered.

Simon quickly got dressed and met Negan in the hall.

“Simon, I want Eugene out of his cell. Get Laura to help you. I want Eugene in a nice room. Treat him like he’s one of us. If he accepts how we do things around here then he won’t have to stay in the fucking cell anymore.”

“Alright but what do I do about you know who?” Simon asked.

“Keep her away from him. I still don’t know if this is going to work out. But if it does, I want it to be a fuckin’ surprise.”

Negan and Simon had reached the cells.

_**“It’s our moment in the sun** _

_**And it’s only just begun** _

_**It’s time to have a little fun** _

_**And we’re inviting you to come and see why you should be on easy street”** _

Negan approached Arat who was guarding the cells today.

"Give the fucking song a break and let me the fuck in.”

Arat quickly did as Negan asked.

Jamie’s door slowly opened and he was sitting on the floor awake. He quickly kneeled at Negan’s presence.

“Well well well. Why are you locked up J-Jamie?” He mocked him.

“I have been too friendly with her…” Jamie replied sadly.

“Ding! Ding! We have a fucking winner!” Negan smiled, outstretching his arms.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any harm. I felt bad for her is all. Everyone already hated her because of what her group had done to the outpost. I was just trying to be nice.”

_Negan almost accepted this apology. Almost. If Jamie just didn’t say that last fucking sentence. She fucking loved to tell Negan to be nice. And that’s what Jamie was: nice._

“Nice?” Negan chuckled.

“She likes when people are fucking nice. You like when she’s fucking nice?”

“Yes… I mean no… I mean…” Jamie was nervously tripping over his words.

“How bout you just fucking say what you mean! You want her? You wanna touch her? Fuck her?” Negan questioned becoming more heated at the thought. His grip tightened on Lucille.

“No! I would never! I just wanted to be helpful! She’s just a friend!” Jamie cried out.

“She’s mine. She fucking belongs to me. Do you fucking understand that?”

Jamie nodded.

Negan was struggling to not just bash in Jamie’s head right here. Negan wanted Jamie away from you and his first instinct was to kill him. But Negan knew that you’d never forgive him for it.

"Stand up like a fucking man!” Negan shouted at Jamie. He quickly did as he was told, making Negan grin. Negan spun Lucille in his hand, and suddenly his expression turned dark. He charged at Jamie, stopping just inches from his face. The barbed wire prickled Jamie’s skin.

“Now it’s my turn to be fucking nice. I’m gonna let you fucking live… but… you can’t talk to her anymore. You are not friends anymore. My men will report back to me. I will fucking know your every fucking move. Can you fucking live with that?”

Jamie nodded. He was sad he couldn’t talk to you anymore. Nick would love this though.

“Well I’ve got a fucking long day of breaking balls so I gotta get the fuck outta here.”

Negan turned to walk away and Jamie started to follow. Making Negan stop in the doorway.

“Ah ah ah!” He pushed Jamie back into the cell. “Now almost every fucking person here saw you get dragged in here! You don’t even look like you had a bad night! You gotta fucking understand that I can’t have that. Can’t have you walking around looking like you got a fuckin’ free pass!”

Negan sucked his teeth and stared down at Jamie.

Jamie understood what was about to happen. What had to happen if he wanted to live.

“David!” Negan called him over and motioned to Jamie.

“Now don’t fucking kill him. He’ll be working today. Just have a little fun…”

Negan stood in the doorway watching as David beat the shit out of Jamie.

* * *

After leaving the cells, Negan found Dwight to talk to him about Sherry.

“Did you find her Dwighty Boy?” Negan asked.

Dwight sadly nodded and proceeded to tell Negan what Sherry told him about Carson just before she was killed by walkers. He handed Negan a note he claimed he found in Carson’s desk to prove Carson was guilty.

Negan was upset he lost a wife. But he was angrier that Carson betrayed him. He knew he had to deal with this as soon as he got back from Alexandria.  

Negan rounded up a small group of men to go to Alexandria.

* * *

“Rick! I missed you!” Negan smirked as he entered the gate.

“These visits are becoming more frequent than we expected. If we had a proper time frame we could be better prepared.” Rick spoke.

“Now where is the fucking fun in that? I want you on your toes! So Daryl didn’t run back home, huh? You fucking seen him Rick?” Negan stood close to Rick. Trying to intimidate him.

“No. As I told Simon-“

Negan cut Rick off, “You better be fucking cooperating…”  

“I am. We all are.” Rick replied.

“What do you do if you see Daryl?” Negan asked.

“Return him to you immediately.” Rick looked down at the ground.

“Good boy.” Negan grinned.

Negan and his men walked around looking for any sign of Daryl. Just like Simon, they found nothing.

“I need to see them. Make sure they’re alright.” Rick responded thinking of you and Eugene.

“Lucky for you I’m feeling real fucking nice today! How about I bring one of them when I come for a pick up? Hell, I’ll even let you choose which one! But you can only choose one.“  

Negan was excited. He knew Rick would pick you. This meant he’d get to take you out of the Sanctuary. He could use this to his advantage somehow. He could tell you it’s him being so nice to let you visit. He won’t even tell you Rick made a request.

Rick did just as expected and asked to see you.

"Alright Rick. I will bring her next time I come. Promise.”

And with that, he left Alexandria. Heading home to you and to deal with Dr. Carson.

* * *

As Negan jumped out of his truck in front of the Sanctuary he saw Simon was already outside barking orders.

“Simon my man! Tell me the fucking kids have been good!” Negan grinned.  

Simon walked up to Negan and sighed.

“Eugene was very well behaved. I think he likes it here.” Simon reported not mentioning you.

Negan rolled his eyes already knowing you did something wrong.

“What the fuck she do?”

* * *

_**“Yeah we got a front row seat** _

_**Oh, to a life that can’t be beat** _

_**Right here on easy street** _

_**Cause the world is but a treat** _

_**When you’re on easy street”** _

You had spent the entire day in the cell. This song wasn’t so bad, maybe? It drove you crazy before but now you were starting to like it. Music was better than no music.

You were laying on your side with your back to the door and eyes closed. You were lightly singing the song when the record stopped. You continued humming the song as the door opened.

“Enjoying yourself, doll? You wanna sing me a song?” Negan grinned, standing over you.

You continued to lay there singing, ignoring his presence.

“Some fucking punishment here! You enjoying listening to that?” Negan laughed.

“Not so bad when you hear it a million times I guess.” You sat up looking at Negan.

You waited for Negan to respond. He just stared down at you in deep thought. Did he know? A huge wolf like grin creeped onto his lips. Of course he knew.

“Doll… you’ve been a very bad girl…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you enjoy the Negan perspective? Another flashback with Robbie is in the next chapter! Who do you think is the first person you meet from the group back in Atlanta?


	11. Easy Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another memory of Robbie reveals how you met the group. Negan confronts you about breaking into the cells. Negan gives you a gift and continues to try to be nice to make you say yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter of Darkest Desire ever! Instead of cutting the chapter down I decided to be nice and give it all to you!

****_After surviving the bomb blast, you and Robbie had entered the city once the military pulled out. You were both determined to find your uncle. Unfortunately, you found him dead, but still moving. When your uncle tried to bite you, Robbie had to kill him. You stayed in his apartment until the food supplies ran out. It seemed like the two of you were the only ones left in the city besides the walking dead._

_“We need to get out of the city.” Robbie spoke as you were walking the streets of Atlanta._

_“Where do we go?” You asked looking over your shoulder at a few walkers that were following._

_“Woods, maybe? Has to be safer than the city, that’s for sure.” Robbie stopped when he noticed the street ahead was full of the dead. He looked behind to see they were growing in numbers behind you too. He pulled you along as he made a quick left down an alleyway._

_When you reached the next street Robbie was suddenly grabbed by a decaying woman. Quickly, you pulled out your gun and shot her. The sound echoed through the walker filled streets, alerting every walker that was nearby._

_“Shit! The gun attracted them towards us! Let’s go!” Robbie grabbed you and you both started running._

_It seemed like there was no way out. Every street was full of them. You both quickly turned down another alley that opened to a small park. It didn’t look as bad. Across the park you could see another street that led to the city limits._

_“If we can just make it past these streets we can get out of the city!” You turned to look at Robbie._

_Just then two walkers came from the sides and grabbed Robbie. He wasn’t prepared for them and had no time to fight back. They started to tear into his flesh as more showed up behind him._

_You tried to shoot them but quickly ran out of bullets. There was too many now. It was too late._

_“Run! Run! Please run!” He screams at you as he is being eaten alive._

_“Robbie, no!” You scream, tears streaming down your face._

_The walkers started coming towards you. Robbie continued to beg for you to run. You start running as fast as you can, constantly looking over your shoulder. You can still hear Robbie’s screams behind you. You’re so focused on his voice that you didn’t notice the stairs in front of you. You tumbled down and landed on your ankle. You cry out in pain and try to get on your feet but you can’t._

_The herd behind you starts closing in as more walkers approach from the sides. You were about to be surrounded. You noticed that Robbie wasn’t screaming anymore._

_“Help me! Please! Someone help!” You scream, dragging your body across the pavement._

_You feel hands grab you and pull you up._

_Assuming it’s the dead, you start screaming louder. “HELP! HELP!”_

_“Hush darlin’! I am helping damn it!” The man spoke with a southern accent._

_He puts your arm around his neck and starts shooting. Running with you limping at his side, he stops to catch his breath once the walkers aren’t in sight and leans you against a brick wall._

_Another man with a crossbow comes running over to you both._

_“Merle! Been lookin’ for ya.” He spoke in a similar accent._

_“I was busy saving this here damsel in distress.” Merle pointed at you._

_“I’m no damsel.” You panted as you rubbed your swollen ankle._

_“Well ya sure as hell was in distress, Sugar.” Merle smirked._

_You started to cry as the image of Robbie getting torn apart crept back into your mind._

_The man with the crossbow bent down to examine your ankle._

_“Don’t look too bad. Maybe Shane can take a look at it? Cops know those kinda things, yea?” He spoke to Merle._

_“Hell if I know what a cop knows! Shit man.” Merle looked around the corner to see the dead were starting to catch up._

_“We better get goin’ before too many of those things show up.” The man spoke noticing where Merle was looking. “Ain’t sure if she can walk herself.” He added, watching you still cry over Robbie._

_“I already busted my ass saving her! You can carry her back to camp.” Merle huffed as he started walking away._

_The man threw his crossbow over his shoulder and carefully picked you up. You sobbed into his shirt._

_“It’s gonna be okay. We got a camp on the outskirts of the city. You’ll be safe with us.”_

_“Robbie… they were tearing him apart. I ran. I ran? Why’d I run? I should’ve helped Robbie!” You cried._

_“Sorry bout yer friend.” He replied sadly._

_“He was my brother. The only family I had left in the world. He was my world.” You continued to cry._

_“My names Daryl. That’s Merle. He’s my brother, but he sure as hell ain’t my world.”_

_You tighten your grip on his shoulders._

_“Daryl?” You laughed. “That actually sounds right.”_

* * *

“Now I thought we had a fucking understanding?” Negan bent down to your level to speak to you.

He continued, “I thought you were going to be so fucking good when I left. What the fucking hell were you thinking coming down here and breaking in?”

“I wanted to know that they were okay. I just needed to know and you were gone. I tried to see you twice.” You responded, shuffling your legs on the ground, not making eye contact.

“Twice?”  Negan’s brows furrowed.

“This morning and… it doesn’t matter.” You shook your head sadly.

Negan frowned. He remembered thinking he heard something last night when he was with Amber. Now he knew it was you outside the door.

“Doll…” Negan started but you interrupted him quickly.

“I just needed to know! And Simon wouldn’t tell me. I just snapped I guess.”

“Well Eugene and Jamie aren’t here anymore. So this little fucking outburst wasn’t needed.”

“Oh my god! Negan! What did you do?!” You panicked, sitting on your knees in front of him.

“Hold on a fucking minute! I’m trying to tell you but you jump to so many god damn conclusions!”

Negan sighed and picked you up off the ground. Pushing you against the wall and fixing your hair.

“Jamie had to be punished. I’m sorry for that. He is alive but I needed to have David beat the fucking hell outta him. He understood what fucking had to be done.”

You lowered your head and started to tear up. Negan pulled your chin up to force you to look into his eyes.

“Don’t touch me!” You slapped his hand away.

Your face was stone cold. You didn’t want him anywhere near you right now. Negan moved in even closer, pressing you against the wall.

“Get away from me!” You shoved his chest hard. Negan didn’t move. You continued to push him away but it wasn’t working.

“How could you do that to him? You had no reason to punish him! He didn’t do anything wrong!” You cried out as you continued to hit Negan’s chest. Negan was getting pissed off now.

“I need you to hear me loud and fucking clear. I am the leader here. I make the fucking rules. I can do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I fucking want. And I had a damn good reason to punish Jamie!” Negan yelled.

“What was your reason? Tell me, Negan! Was it the fact that Jamie is actually a nice guy and all you are is a fucking asshole?!” You snarled your words at him.

Negan was completely overcome with rage. He backed away and started pacing around the cell. He was breathing hard and shaking just like he had before when you told him Jamie had slept in your room.

He walked out into the hall and began to slam Lucille down on a chair, breaking it to pieces. His chest heaved as he turned to look at you. He hated the look in your eyes. You weren’t showing fear, only anger. Negan knew there was one thing he could say that would make you behave.

Negan leaned in close, “I’m gonna fucking remind you of the reason you came here in the first place: to fucking save that little serial killers life. So if you don’t wanna fucking be here anymore just say the fucking word and I will bring him here instead.”

You were tearing up. You didn’t expect him to threaten Carl’s life.

“Is that what you fucking want?!” Negan yelled, slamming his hand against the concrete wall.

“No please! I’m sorry!” You pleaded, grabbing onto his jacket. Negan still looked pissed. You needed to calm him down.

You pulled him in closer, stopping just in front of his lips. “Negan, please forgive me.”

You lightly kissed him and his expression changed. The light kiss turned intense. He pushed you up against the wall, grabbing your neck. He pulled away for just a moment, “Say yes.”

“I can’t.” You hoped he wouldn’t lose it again.

Negan looked into your eyes and saw the fear in them now. “Relax doll. You’re not ready yet but soon you will be. I will fucking make this up to you. In fact, I got a nice little fucking gift to give you right fucking now. You interested?“ Negan grinned.

You nodded and followed him outside the cell and down the hall in silence.

* * *

“You are not allowed to speak to Jamie. Not a fucking word. I will know if you do. I get that he reminds you of your brother but put that out of your mind. You gotta promise to not speak to Jamie. I need to fucking hear you say it doll.”

“I promise Negan. I promise.” You agreed, nodding your head.

“Now I fucking know you said Jamie was your only friend. Well doll, you forgot about one fucking person. ME. I am your fucking friend. In fact I am your bestest best fucking friend!”

You sigh and roll your eyes. But he did have a point. Maybe you didn’t consider Negan to be a friend but he was trying to be. Besides Jamie, not a single person was nice or really talked to you. Except for Negan. He had a weird way of being nice but at least he was attempting it, even if it was in his own sick and twisted way. Negan stopped in front of a door at the end of the hall.

"I know you want more. So… I gave you a new puppy to play with. Now you can play with him all day and I won’t get mad. But you need to listen more. So if I fucking tell you to do something. Fucking do it.” Negan knocked loudly on the door.

Moments later the door opens and Eugene is standing there. You both stare at each other in shock.

“Don’t be rude. Say hello, asshole.” Negan ordered, smirking.

Eugene started tearing up. You grabbed him and gave him a big hug.

“Damn, doll! Okay, maybe I am a little jealous now. Why the fuck you never greet me like that?” Negan’s words are serious but he says it in a joking tone to make you giggle.

You turn immediately and hug Negan. He is taken back. Shocked. The cool leather resting on your cheek as you listen to his heartbeat. He wraps his arm around you tightly. The other arm still holding Lucille over his shoulder. You squeeze him tight, hoping Eugene won’t think less of you for doing so.

“You did something nice. You actually, genuinely did something nice.” You squeezed him harder. “Thank you.”

Negan kissed the top of your head and grinned. Being nice actually paid off? He never thought it would. He was used to getting what he wants by being brutal.

You pulled away from Negan now.

“Why? Why are you being nice?”

Negan sighed, “I told you. I am nice. Very reasonable once you get to know me. Now I really gotta warn you, Jamie looks a little fucked up. Still fucking counts as nice! I could have killed the little shit, but I didn’t. You understand that I had to do something to make sure no one fucking thinks I can be fucked with?”

You were afraid to know how bad off Jamie was. The bright side is that his heart was still beating and as Aaron always said, that’s all the matters.

“You fucking hear me doll?” Negan leans in.

You nod quickly.

“Yeah, people fucking hate that I’m so sweet on you. I can tell it really pisses off some of my men. I had to hurt Jamie. And Eugene… well shit people will understand with Carson gone.”

“Doctor Carson?” You tilted your head.

“Yeah. Damn shame. I had to fucking kill him. Turns out he is the one that let Daryl out and made Sherry run off. She got killed after running into a herd.”

“Oh that’s sad…” You trailed off.

“I know it’s fucking sad! I’m down a fucking wife! Oh, but it would be so much fucking better if you said yes.” Negan grinned as he arched his back.

You rolled your eyes.

Eugene came over with a bowl of popcorn. Handing it to you. “Here. I know how much you’ve missed this!”

You smiled and started eating it right away. You were so excited. One thing you always mentioned missing was eating popcorn while watching a movie.

“Oh fucking hell, Eugene! You could’ve told me she liked popcorn!” Negan leaned down closer to Eugene’s ear to whisper the last part, “…could have fucking earned me some bonus nice points!”

“I do apologize, sir. Sincerely.” Eugene responded.

You continued to eat while Negan asked to speak to Eugene outside the room. After they stepped out, you crept over to the door to eavesdrop.

Negan was speaking, “You do not need to be scared anymore. You just have to answer me one question. And it’s a big one. Who are …”

Eugene replies before Negan can even finish.

“I’m Negan. I’m utterly, completely, stone-cold Negan. I was Negan before I even met you; I just needed to meet you properly to know.”

* * *

Eugene came back in the room and sat down to resume playing his video game.

"Negan said you may stay here a while longer but wanted me to remind you that there is a set curfew and you must abide by the rules.” Eugene smiled at you. “I am glad to see you are okay.”

“Thank you. Negan told me you begged I get to work for points on the first night.” You hugged Eugene from behind the chair as he continued playing his game.

“I did indeed do that. You are welcome.” Eugene smiled.

You looked around Eugene’s room. It was a nice set up. Much nicer than what you were given. He had a damn tv! Books! A stereo?! You walked over and pressed play on it. Easy Street started playing, making you jump. Quickly you hit it back off. You then walked over to look at his kitchen.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You said throwing your hands up after looking inside the fridge.

Eugene looked away from his game confused. “Pardon me?”

“You have a perfect apartment here! A kitchen? With food! A damn tv and everything else!”

“Don’t you have a room?” Eugene asked.

“I have a room, yes. A tiny twin bed and a wooden chair. I don’t even have windows!” You looked up at the sky through Eugene’s windows.

“My apologies. I guess he likes me better.” Eugene smirked, making you laugh.

“Maybe you should marry him then!” You joke.

“Marry? I don’t reckon he would be interested in me. You on the other hand… I am sure he has set his eyes on.”

You sat in silence. It was true. You knew Negan did want you and he was doing things different for you. He didn’t have to give you Eugene but he did. He did it to make you happy. You just couldn’t get past the fact of what he had done that first night in the woods and now with what had happened to Jamie.

“Oh yeah he does. Always trying to get me to say yes to being a wife.” You sighed.

“Why don’t you say yes?” Eugene paused the game to look at you, showing you he was serious.

Your eyes widened. “Eugene!”

“Well it is in your best interest.” He added.

You pulled your head back in shock.

“Are you kidding me? He killed our friends!”

“I reckon we did kill thirty or more of their people. Correct?”

You nod. Eugene was right. A lot of Negan’s men died at the outpost when your group attacked.

“Truth of the matter is, we threw the first punch. We drew the line in the sandbox. Technically we are the bad guys.” Eugene added.

Eugene was really smart and was making a lot of sense. You had never thought about it that way before. Negan probably thought it was nice when he killed only two from your group when thirty of his men died. Again, it was his own twisted way of being nice.

“How is it in my best interest to marry him?” You kicked Eugene’s chair to get him to pay attention to you and not the game.

“You like him for starters.”

You laughed. “Oh really?”

“No use in denying it. I saw the way you hugged him. I saw the way you looked at him when he talked. You are indeed very much attracted to him. I don’t blame you for liking him.” Eugene pointed out.

“Adding to the fact he looks like he really likes you too. I know I’ve only been out of my cell a day but I have observed a lot and I’ve come to the conclusion just now that he hasn’t treated anyone like he treats you.” Eugene concluded.

Your brows furrowed, “How so?”

“Take earlier for example. Just an hour ago if I am correct, he killed the doctor. I do not think he did that for Sherry. He seemed like he wanted to make an example out of the doctor. He threw him into the furnace.”

“That’s awful! How does he even know it was Carson that let Daryl out?” You frowned. Maybe he wasn’t so nice.

“He seemed very much so betrayed. There was a note presented and Carson confessed. All the evidence needed was indeed there.”

“But he’s a doctor! That was so stupid of him!” You replied, throwing your head back.

“Well, Negan knew he had another doctor….” Eugene trailed off.

“Someone new?” You were very confused now.

Eugene sighed, “Me.”

“Eugene!!!!” You put your face in your hands.

“I had to prove I was worth keeping alive so I may have told a few lies.”

You got up and started pacing the room.

“Great! I hope nobody gets sick! We’re so fucked if we need a real doctor and all we have is you!” You sighed. You were so upset with Eugene.

“I do believe I can pretend to be a doctor. I read plenty of books and have picked up knowledge when it’s dropped.”

“I hope you’re right. If Negan finds out, you’re so dead.”

* * *

You left Eugene’s room and started walking back to your own. The halls were very empty. Perhaps people turned in early after watching Carson be killed? Turning the corner you ran into someone.

“Oh! I am so sorry!” You shook your head as you looked up.

Through the dried up blood and shades of purple and black you could see what resembled Jamie’s face.


	12. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally it is revealed why Nick hates you so much.

********_Rick stood before the group in the Alexandria church, speaking about the deal Maggie had made with Gregory, the leader of a community called the Hilltop. **  
**_

_“Now, these Saviors. They almost killed Sasha, Daryl, and Abraham on the road. Now sooner or later, they would have found us. Just like those wolves did. Just like Jesus did. They would have killed someone or some of us. And then they would try to own us. And we would try to stop them. But by then, in that kind of fight, low on food, we could lose. This is the only way to be sure. As sure as we can get that we win. And we have to win. We do this for the Hilltop, it’s how we keep this place. It’s how we feed this place. This needs to be a group decision. If anybody objects, here’s your chance to say your peace.”_

_The room was silent for just a moment until you heard someone stand up in the back. Almost everyone turned to see it was Morgan._

_“You sure we can do it? We can beat ‘em?” Morgan asked._

_“What this group has done… what we’ve learned… what we’ve become…all of us. Yes. I’m sure.” Rick assured with confidence._

_“Then all we have to do is just tell ‘em that,” Morgan replied. He hated unnecessary violence._

_“They don’t compromise.”_

_“This isn’t a compromise!” Morgan interrupted. “It’s a choice you give ‘em. It’s a way out. For them and for us.”_

_“I’ve gotta agree with Morgan.” You finally spoke up, making Daryl turn to look at you, shocked._

_“It just doesn’t seem right to attack when they haven’t done anything to us,” you continued._

_“Maybe Morgan is right. We can work something out with the Saviors like Hilltop has. Just talk to them first.”_

_“We try to talk to the Saviors, we give up our advantage. Our safety. No! We have to come for them before they come for us! We can’t leave them alive,” Rick argued._

_There was no use in trying to convince Rick otherwise. Besides you and Morgan, no one else wanted to talk to the Saviors. It was settled right then and there: The Saviors had to die._

* * *

“Oh my god…” You whispered as you reached your hand up to touch Jamie’s face.

He quickly backed away.

“This is all my fault! I’m so sorry, Jamie. I’m so so sorry.” You started to cry.

Jamie looked over his shoulder before he quickly hugged you.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. Everything is fine. I knew what had to be done and I’m okay with it.” Jamie cried with you.

“Please don’t hate me…” You cried into his shoulder, holding onto him tighter.

“I could never hate you. _Never._ ” Jamie gave you one final squeeze and kissed your cheek before quickly walking away.

You looked around to make sure no one had seen you before rushing back to your room. You slammed the door and sobbed into your pillow. Your mind was spinning with emotions.

How? How can Negan be so nice yet also so cruel? How can he make me like him but also make me hate him? You still didn’t know the answers. You didn’t understand what you were supposed to be feeling.

* * *

You woke up in the morning to a loud knocking at your door.

“Go away!” You yelled.

“It’s Eugene!”

“I don’t care, I’m sleeping!” You growled back out from under your blanket.

Eugene continued speaking through the door, “Perhaps it’s not the best course of action to sleep in when you are scheduled to be working today? I assume that the kitchen staff starts early around here?”

You groaned as you threw your blanket off. You quickly dressed yourself and met Eugene outside your door.

“Kitchen duty, huh?” You looked at the door to confirm your assignment.

“Indeed. I have also been privileged with this assignment today.” Eugene nodded.

“You’re the new doctor. Isn’t that your assignment?” You questioned, as you began to walk with him downstairs.

“Correct, but I suppose I am still required to do a regular job assignment.” Eugene shrugged his shoulders.

You both entered the cafeteria and walked back to the kitchen. Not many people were working today. You did however notice Nick was present.

“Alright, let’s get breakfast started.”

* * *

You immediately noticed something off about Nick. He was always cold and distant to you, but today he was moving sluggish and not talking much to other people.

“Hey kid, you alright?” You asked, placing your hand on Nick’s shoulder.

He looked up at you with tired eyes. You now noticed the sweat on his forehead.

“I’m okay. Relieved that Jamie is back. We really needed him.” Nick replied, in the nicest tone he had ever used with you.

“Wow. There was no hostility just now?! Are we making progress? Can we finally be friends?” You joked.

Nick immediately glared up at you.

“Hell no! I will _NEVER_ forgive what you did to us!”

Well so much for progress…

* * *

After breakfast, you went to the laundry room to grab a fresh set of clothes. You were happy to find a pair of shorts since you kept getting hot lately. It was definitely time to ditch the jeans.

You took your time in the shower, despite the water being cold as ice. You got dressed and sat on a bench inside the bathroom. While wringing out your hair, you could hear whistling.

The sound came closer and closer until Negan finally appeared.

“Well shit, it looks like I just missed the fucking perfect opportunity to watch you!” Negan smirked.

“How did you know I was in here?”

“Doll… I am everywhere!” He winked. Negan sat down next to you. His eyes were focused on your bare legs.

“You like my fucking gift? Did I earn some nice points last night or what?” Negan smirked as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

You smiled at him and grabbed onto his hand. “Yes and yes you did.”

“Oh that was a whole fucking lot of yes! You have something else to say yes to?” Negan pulled you closer.

“You wish.” You got up and started brushing your hair.

“Doll, I got another fucking surprise!” Negan grinned.

“You did more nice things?” You laughed.

“Of course I fucking did! Told you that I was gonna make up this Jamie situation. Now tell me, how would you like to pay a visit to Alexandria?”

You stared at him in disbelief. “You’re taking me home? Why?”

“Home? Pardon my goddamn french, but you are already fucking home!” Negan outstretched his arms, looking around the room.

“You know what I mean!” You rolled your eyes.

“Well? What’s the fucking answer? Do you wanna go or not?” Negan questioned.

“Yes of course!!!” You jumped up and down from excitement.

“So, does this mean you fucking forgive me for Jamie?” Negan smiled, twirling Lucille over his shoulder.

“Hell no! He looks really bad! I still can’t believe you did that!”

“Excuse the fuck outta me! You’ve seen him? _WHEN?_ I fucking told you…” Negan was pissed.

He didn’t know you talked to him in the hall last night. He couldn’t have found out, right?

“I haven’t seen him. Well I mean, I’ve seen him but I haven’t talked to him. Kinda hard to not notice him when he looks so bad!”

Negan sighed, realizing he was overthinking.

“Al-fuckin-right. We leave bright and fucking early in the morning.”

* * *

You went back to work in the kitchen to prepare dinner. Eugene had to leave to work in the infirmary. You immediately noticed another shift in Nick’s mood. He was even angrier now and he looked more ill. You were distracted by the sound of whistling as the kitchen doors opened. The entire kitchen staff froze.

Negan entered the kitchen with Dwight following behind him. Negan instructed Dwight to take inventory in the pantry. You were cutting up vegetables for the meal when you felt Negan slide up behind you. He leaned in close, his fingers playing with the edge of your shorts.

“I can’t fucking wait for our little trip tomorrow,” Negan whispered in your ear.

You turned to face him. His hands rested on the counter behind you, locking you into a small space.

“I’m really excited! I can’t wait to see everyone! I’ve missed them all so much.” You were showing too much emotion, causing Negan to feel jealous again.

“Anyone in fucking particular you really wanna see, doll?” Negan questioned, hoping you wouldn’t really answer.

Without thinking, you answered too quickly. “Yes! I can’t wait to see Judith, Carl, and Rick!”

“ _RICK?_ ” Negan huffed. “You’re so damn excited to see the whole fucking Grimes family! Especially Rick…” Negan started to grip the counter harder as he looked you straight in the eyes.

You definitely had to do damage control again.

“I guess when I think of the kids, Rick just automatically comes to mind since he’s always around them.” You smiled. Negan’s expression was still bitter, he was struggling to control his anger. You reached your arms to rest on his shoulders.

“Hey, do I get to ride in the truck with you or do I have to be thrown in the back again?” You asked to change the subject.

Instantly, his expression softened. “You’ll be riding next to me the whole fucking time, doll!” Negan grinned.

“Oh good!” You said, more excited than you actually were. You leaned up to kiss his cheek, but he quickly moved to kiss you. He was pleased with the excitement you were showing about him and knew he was getting even closer to you saying yes.

Negan backed off and headed for the kitchen doors.

“See you for dinner tonight, doll?” Negan was actually asking and not demanding.

“Yes!” You smiled as you watched him start to leave.

“Mmm…That’s what I fucking like hearing you say!” Negan smirked.

You rolled your eyes and resumed your kitchen duties. Dinner was just about ready when Dwight finally came out of the pantry with his inventory list. Getting distracted by the aroma of food, he stopped and started stealing bites of everything.

You called Nick over to start preparing the trays of food. You attempted to make small talk with him, but he remained silent. You could tell he was in deep thought.

“Gotta say, I’m so glad Negan made it a rule that you can’t talk to Jamie!” Nick finally spoke with a smile on his face.

You had reached your breaking point with Nick. It was time you got answers as to why he was always such a dick to you.

“I know you’re just a kid but, _WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, NICK?!_ ” You yelled.

“I hate you! I wish everyone in your group was _DEAD_! I want you to _DIE_. I want Eugene to _DIE_. I want that whole Grimes family to _DIE_!” Nick screamed back.

“What the fuck? Nick, are you fucking kidding me? Why the fuck would you say that? That’s evil!”

“Wasn’t it evil when your group killed thirty of us at the outpost? How was that not evil? We did nothing to your group and you killed all those people! I wish Negan would have just killed you all! You deserve it!”

Nick threw the tray of food to the floor and stormed out of the kitchen.

“God damn it! That was about six meals right there! I hate when food gets wasted.” Dwight sighed as he started to help clean up the mess.

“Dwight, what the hell is his problem?”

“Do you really not know? Wow. Thought you were smarter than that!” Dwight shook his head.

“Come on, Dwight! Tell me.” You begged.

“Nick and Katie’s father was at the outpost when you guys attacked. They are orphans because of you. Kinda sad actually, if you think about it. Their dad seemed like a really nice guy. He was a good cook. Always had the kitchen duty and he was very close with Jamie.” Dwight revealed.

“We attacked the outpost because we thought we were neutralizing a threat. I didn’t even think of children being involved. We thought it was only the men at the outpost.” You were sad thinking of the pain you caused those kids.

“I wasn’t that close to him, but I know he wasn’t even supposed to be there. He requested to go last minute. In fact, he took Jamie’s spot, if I remember correctly.”

Just then, Jamie entered the kitchen. He jumped when he saw you and Dwight.

“Oh, uh, sorry. Dwight, have you seen Nick? It’s important.” Jamie asked, acting like he didn’t see you.

“Just missed him man… I’m gonna go pretend I never saw you come in here. I think this girl has some questions for you.” Dwight pointed at you before leaving.

Jamie fumbled his hands and shuffled his feet, not knowing what to do or say.

“My group killed their father?” You sadly asked, tearing up as you looked at Jamie.

Jamie was surprised. “I hoped you wouldn’t find out,” he sighed.

“We assumed everyone at that outpost was a bad guy. Rick wanted to take out the threat before it became a problem. We didn’t even give them a chance to defend themselves or plead for their lives.” You shook your head.

Jamie sighed again. “Their father was the nicest man I have ever met. In fact, he went to that outpost specifically to get away from Negan. I usually worked there, but I gave up my spot for him. He wanted to find other groups. Somewhere safer and friendly for his kids. He hated violence. It pained him to kill a walker, even after all this time.”

You were overcome with grief. You thought those people deserved to be killed. You thought you were ridding the world of bad, when in reality, your group was the bad. You couldn’t imagine if Jamie had been there. The thought that you were so close to killing him made you start to rethink every decision you had made. But you had hesitated at the outpost. You had wanted to talk to the Saviors, so did Morgan. Rick wouldn’t allow it and had convinced you to kill.

“I have a picture.” Jamie pulled it out of his pocket. “I keep it close to remind me that good people like him might still exist.” He handed it to you.

Instantly you felt sick to your stomach. You recognized this man. He was probably the fourth person you killed in the outpost. You specifically remembered because you’d hesitated for a moment before killing him, but Rick had urged you to continue.

You dropped the photo and ran out of the kitchen.

Running down the hall, you passed Simon.

“Negan’s waiting for you in his room.” Simon called out, but you ignored him.

You reached Eugene’s room and entered without knocking, but he wasn’t there. You were overcome with emotion. Sinking down on the side of the bed you started sobbing.

* * *

Negan was waiting for you in his room, expecting you to come with dinner any minute. Time passed and you still weren’t there. Finally, a light knock came to the door.

“Fuck! Finally! Get your ass in here!” Negan called out.

To his surprise, it was Simon who entered the room with a tray of food.

“What the fuck, Simon? Where the fuck is my girl?” Negan hissed.

“I don’t know. I saw her run away from the kitchen earlier. She looked really shook up. I tried to stop her. I brought this tray to her room to give to you, but she wasn’t there. I have no idea where she went.” Simon reported, setting the tray down on the table.

“Shit. I fucking swear this is all Jamie’s fault. I fucking know it!” Negan huffed, as he slammed his fist down on the couch.

Simon grabbed a bottle of gin for himself and a bottle of scotch for Negan. He started pouring the drinks.  “How do you figure that?” Simon questioned, handing a glass to Negan.

“Just fucking think about it, Simon. All my fucking problems started when fucking Jamie showed up here!”

“I’m just not seeing the connection.” Simon shook his head as he poured himself more gin.

“God damn it, Simon! THINK! Jamie showed up here and almost right after we started having problems with other communities. Remember that group where we had to kill all the men? That was the first incident. Shit, I’m telling you Simon, life was fucking peachy before Jamie showed up.” Negan threw his glass back and slammed it onto the table, motioning for Simon to pour more.

“Negan, come on. You need to get your head on straight. You know damn well that wasn’t on Jamie!” Simon sighed, as he stopped pouring his gin and opted to start drinking straight from the bottle.

Negan sipped his Scotch and started to rub his temple. His mind still focused on how Jamie was in the way. “Shit, you’re right.” Negan sighed.

“I know I am.” Simon drank from his bottle.

“Don’t be so fucking smug about it. Jamie is still at fault for what’s happening now.”

“Who the hell knows why that girl is upset right now! She knows she can’t talk to Jamie. I doubt this has anything to do with him! She’s not going to be stupid and risk getting him killed.” Simon assured Negan.

“Jamie is the reason she didn’t show up to my room for dinner. I’m fucking sure she’s already slipped up and talked to Jamie.” Negan got up and started to practice swinging Lucille.

Simon got dizzy watching Negan. He was drunk and too tired to deal with Negan now.

“I’ve been watching Jamie like a fuckin’ hawk! I haven’t seen them talk!” Simon tried his best to convince Negan, as he slurred his words.

“Yeah well, I give you a lot of shit to do. I’m sure you missed something.” Negan growled. He rested Lucille on his shoulders, while he watched Simon attempt to stand and then fall over.

“Shit, just sleep it off on the fucking couch! You fucking drink too damn much, Simon!”

Negan laughed before walking out of his room, heading down the hall to go find where you ran off to.

* * *

You were crying for the last hour when the door to Eugene’s room opened. It was Eugene finally returning from dinner. He jumped when he saw you. He locked his door and ran over to you when he saw you crying. Eugene sat down next to you and hugged you.

“Hey hey, shhh shhh, come here. It’s gonna be okay. What happened?” Eugene tried to console you.

“You were right. We are the bad guys. We should have never attacked that outpost!” You sobbed.

Suddenly, a loud knock hit the door. It sounded like someone was pounding their fist hard against the door.

“Please go away.” Eugene yelled at the door.

You both heard the handle shake, but the door was still locked. Negan’s gruff voice came through the closed door.

_**“YOU FUCKING BETTER COME UNLOCK THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!”** _


	13. The Real Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene and Negan console you. Negan takes you to Alexandria. Negan finds out about you talking to Jamie.

******_"YOU FUCKING BETTER COME UNLOCK THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!”_ **

Negan continued pounding his fist on the door.

Eugene hugged you tightly as you continued to sob.

“Jamie showed me a picture of Nick and Katie’s dad. Eugene, I recognized him. I was the one that killed him at the outpost. He was a good guy. He was just trying to protect his kids.” You sobbed harder, unable to breathe.

 _ **“DON’T MAKE ME BREAK DOWN THIS FUCKING DOOR!”**_ Negan screamed as he kicked the door.

“He had just taken Jamie’s spot at the outpost! I could have killed Jamie!” You continued crying.

“Just breathe. I have to let the man in before he breaks his way in here. I like my door and I’d prefer to keep it attached to its hinges.” Eugene got up and walked to the door.

 _“We are the monsters.”_ You continued to cry, setting your forehead on your knees.

Eugene opened his door and Negan stood there breathing heavily.

“I’ll be fucking removing that fucking lock from your fucking door. When I fucking knock, you let me the fuck in!” Negan scolded Eugene.

“I am sorry sir, but I wasn’t readily available to reach the door at the pace you wanted me to.”

Negan looked past Eugene and saw you sitting on the floor crying. He pushed his way into the room and kneeled down beside you.

“Eugene, can I talk to my favorite girl alone?”

“I mean no disrespect sir, but I must point out that this is indeed my room.” Eugene stood his ground.   
  
“Yes it is your room smarty pants, but it’s my fucking house!” Negan pointed Lucille towards Eugene.

“You do have a point there. Excuse me while I remove myself.” Eugene exited the room.

“Doll… Tell me what happened,” Negan whispered to you.

You continued sobbing into your knees, unable to form the words to speak. Negan sat next to you and placed his hand on your back.

“Did someone hurt you?” Negan asked concerned, as he looked over your body for visible wounds.

You continued sobbing. Your mind was racing. You were being weak in Negan’s presence and you didn’t even care.

“Doll, I can’t help you if you don’t speak to me,” Negan continued.

“No one can help me. No one can fix what I’ve done.” You finally spoke.

“Shit, just tell me what you fucking did. I promise I won’t get mad.”

“I killed the Saviors at the outpost. I was there.” You revealed.

“Well I never fuckin’ knew you were one of the ones that did that. Hell doll, we’ve all killed people!” Negan laughed, he didn’t understand why after all this time you were so affected by this.

“You know that kid working in the kitchen today?” You asked. You looked up at Negan and he nodded his head. “His name is Nick. He hates me. He’s been cold to me from day one. I didn’t understand at first, but now I know. I found out I was the one that killed his father at the outpost.”

Tears continued to stream down and you cupped your face into your hands. Negan pulled you in close to him and hugged you. His chin rested on the top of your head as you sobbed into his white t-shirt.

“You should’ve never fucking attacked that outpost. Shit could have gone down differently,” Negan laughed. You pulled away and looked at him confused. He wasn’t trying to console you. He wanted you to feel guilty.

“I didn’t want to. I wanted to reach out and make a deal. I didn’t want anyone to die!” You shook your head and looked down.

Negan slid his fingers under your chin and forced you to look up, “But you didn’t make a fucking deal. You chose to kill thirty of my fucking men while they slept.”

Your eyes were welling up with more tears. You wanted to look away from Negan’s eyes, but his fingers remained under your chin.

“Rick wouldn’t see it any other way. He said we couldn’t make a deal and we had to kill.”

Negan’s finger slid up your cheek to wipe away your tears, “Well doll, if I had been given the fucking option, I would have made a fuckin’ deal with Rick. All you woulda had to fuckin’ do is follow my rules and provide for me. No one had to die.”

“I know. I knew it then as well,” You sighed.

Negan stood up and held his hand out to you,  “Come doll, let’s get you back to your room.”

* * *

The next morning you met Negan outside the compound. He was watching his men prepare to leave for Alexandria.

You immediately recognized David. You remembered that Negan said he was the one that beat Jamie. He always gave you weird looks and you could just tell you would never want to be in a room alone with him.

“Come over here, doll. You’ll be in this truck with me.” Negan opened the door to the truck.

“Why the fuck is she coming!?” David shouted.

“Excuse the fuck outta me? You got a fucking problem David?” Negan stormed over.

“Yeah. Why are you rewarding Rick by bringing her with us?” David questioned.

“Because I fucking said so, that’s fucking why! Don’t fucking question what I fucking do, David!” Negan yelled as he raised Lucille near David’s head.

“Whoa whoa! Calm down!” A man named Gavin jumped between the two men.

“Out of my fucking way!” Negan shoved Gavin.

“Sorry, Negan!” David pleaded, “I was caught off guard seeing her out here. I wasn’t thinking.”

“You fucking said I was rewarding Rick! That took some fucking thought!” Negan scowled.

“Negan, it’s okay. I will deal with David. No need to bring Lucille into this.” Gavin pleaded.

Negan gave David a hard stare before turning to Gavin, “Alright. You stay and deal with this shit here. The rest of us have fucking things to do.” Negan walked back over to you and escorted you to his truck before jumping into the driver’s seat.

* * *

It was just the two of you in Negan’s truck. The rest of the Saviors were following in their own trucks. Negan was being nice during the ride. He was asking you more questions about yourself, trying to get to know you better. It was actually quite pleasant.  

You had finally reached the Alexandria gates. Aaron pulled them open and smiled when he saw you in the truck. Negan pulled the truck forward into Alexandria. You smiled looking around at your home. You had missed everyone so much.

“Now, I should discuss the fucking rules. While we are here-” Negan started to say but you cut him off when you jumped out of the truck. You had noticed Rick walking and couldn’t contain your excitement. You took off running towards Rick. He ran towards you as well with a huge smile on his face. You jumped into his arms and he hugged you tightly. You could tell he was barely fighting back tears.

“I missed you so much! We’ve all missed you so much!” Rick clutched onto you tighter.  
  
 _“Don’t you fucking dare touch what’s mine!”_  Negan pulled you away from Rick. He then continued what he was going to say in the truck. “Rules, doll. There are fucking rules while we are here. First fucking rule is no fucking touching!”

“Thank you for bringing her Negan,” Rick said, wiping a stray tear from his cheek.

“Anything for my favorite girl.” Negan winked at you, “Now I hope you got some good shit for me Rick!” Negan arched his back and grinned.

“Aaron will direct you to the supplies. Can I please speak to her privately?” Rick asked.

“Speak? Yes. Touch? No. I’ll be watching.” Negan started to follow Aaron to the pile of supplies that was stacked along the gate.

“Has he hurt you? Is Eugene okay?” Rick turned to ask you.

“No, he doesn’t hurt women. Eugene is doing fine. He’s been promoted to doctor now.” You gave Rick a look and he understood what you meant about Eugene.

“What does he make you do there? Carl told me about the wives.” Rick looked at you concerned.

“I’m not a wife. Although he is trying to get me to accept that offer. So is Eugene.”

Rick’s eyes widened. “That is insane. You can’t possibly! Not after what he has done!”

“Have you ever thought about what we have done?” You retorted.

Rick looked at you confused.

“We should have never attacked that outpost,” You continued.

“We had to strike them before they striked us!” Rick defended the group’s actions.

“We killed those men based on what Gregory told us! Turns out, good men were in that outpost as well. If we would have just waited for the Saviors to find us then we could have worked out a deal and trade for supplies just like we do now. No one had to die.”

“Abraham and Glenn were beaten to death right in front of your eyes!” Rick reminded you.

“We killed over thirty of their men first. We are the ones that forced them to kill. Imagine if that happened to us Rick! What if a group came in here and killed our people in their sleep? Would you really seek revenge by just killing one person from that group?! No, Rick. You would have completely wiped out that group. Negan was kind to let us all keep living. You and I both know we wouldn’t have shown the same mercy.”

Rick looked at you in shock. You couldn’t describe the sadness you saw in his eyes, the disappointment.

“Time to go home, babydoll.” Negan put his arm around your waist.

He started to lead you back to the truck. “Negan, please.” You stopped him, “I just want to hug everyone before we go.”

“Doll, I fucking told you the rule is no touching!” Negan scolded you.

“I know, but I’m asking your permission this time.” You looked up at him with sad eyes. “I don’t know if I will ever get this chance again.”

Negan nodded, “Make it quick.”

You quickly ran up to each person you were close to and hugged them. You were happy Carl brought over Judith so you could see her too.

When you were done, Negan opened the door to the truck for you and helped you inside.

“Today was a productive damn day, Rick!” Negan jumped into his truck and drove out of Alexandria.

* * *

Negan wasn’t as talkative on the way back to the Sanctuary. You could tell he was thinking really hard.   
  
“I don’t fucking understand why you can’t fucking obey my fucking rules.” Negan finally spoke up.   
  
“Excuse me? I’m just sitting here! What the hell did I do?” You looked around confused.  
  
“I fucking told you not to talk to Jamie and I fucking know you already disobeyed me. I told you I’d be fucking watching!” Negan accused you.   
  
_He had to be talking about the kitchen. Maybe Dwight told him or anyone else from the staff._

“He walked into the kitchen looking for Nick. It was just a mistake.”

“A fucking mistake? You had a fucking conversation!” Negan accused you again.

“Well yeah, I had some questions about Nick’s behavior. He told me about their dad is all.”

“Don’t fucking act like that is the first conversation! Nothing happens in the Sanctuary without me knowing.”

_How the hell did he find out? No one was around in the hallway._

“That was just a quick run-in after leaving Eugene’s room. There is no reason to lose your shit over that!”

“Quick fucking run-in? That’s all you have to say to me about that?” Negan huffed and looked at you, giving you a chance to confess.

“The hug and kiss on the cheek was nothing. Don’t overreact.” You added.

Negan slammed on the breaks.

 _ **“WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?”**_ Negan gripped the wheel tight and slowly turned to you.

You looked at him confused. You didn’t understand what was happening. Negan started breathing heavily.

“I didn’t fucking expect the load of shit you just dropped on me. That was a fucking test to see if you had anything to fucking hide.” Negan revealed.

_Shit. He knew nothing and you just gave him all the details._

“Negan, I have nothing to hide. My conversations with Jamie were innocent.” You assured him.

“I fucking told you that you weren’t allowed to talk to Jamie. Explain the fucking hug and kiss, _NOW!_ ”

“I saw his face for the first time and he looked bad! I was panicking and he hugged me to calm me down. Then he kissed me on the cheek before he walked away. End of story.”

Negan gritted his teeth. His hands continued to tighten on the steering wheel.

“Rules are rules, darlin’. I told you to not fucking talk to Jamie at all. You broke the rules not once, but fucking twice,” Negan scolded you.

“It will never happen again,” You sighed.

“I fuckin’ know it won’t.” Negan glared at you as he started up the engine again.

“What does that mean?” You furrowed your brows and moved closer to him.

Negan turned his eyes to the road and ignored your question.

“Negan! Talk to me! Please!” You moved even closer to him and placed your hand on the arm of his leather jacket.

“You already fuckin’ know what it means, doll.” Negan responded coldly.

Negan didn’t have to explain. You knew he was planning to hurt Jamie when you got back to the Sanctuary.

* * *

Negan pulled the truck into the Sanctuary gates. Your heart was beating fast. You wondered where Jamie was at this exact moment. Negan quickly jumped out of the truck and left you in the passenger seat. You ran to catch up to him, hoping there would be something you could say to stop him.

“Dwighty Boy! Fire up the fuckin’ furnace! Get my iron hot and ready!” Negan patted Dwight on the shoulder before turning to enter the building. You quickly jumped in front of the door.

“Negan, please don’t! I’ll do anything!” You pleaded.

“Anything? Is that so?” Negan smirked, pulling you away from the door so he could enter.

“I’m gonna need you to really fucking convince me!” Negan continued.

You knew there was only one word that would get Jamie out of this situation. You knew if you said yes, then Negan would spare Jamie. You took a deep breath before walking through the door.

The mood inside the Sanctuary was odd. Everyone seemed very sad. You could see Eugene crying to Simon.  

“I tried! I really did! I couldn’t save-” Eugene stopped when he noticed you.

“What the fuck happened when we were gone?” Negan questioned Simon.

Simon sighed, “Someone’s dead.” 


	14. Pretty Much Dead Already

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is revealed who died. You break Negan’s rules again in order to help save people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this here before I post it to Tumblr later tonight!   
> Shhh.... don't tell my Tumblr peeps! ;)

****Simon sighed, “Someone’s dead.”

“What the fuck, Simon! Who?” Negan furrowed his brow.

Simon hung his head sadly. “A little girl. It's got the people shaken up a bit.”

“How the hell did it happen?” Negan questioned.

Eugene was balling. He couldn't look at you. You knew whatever happened had to be really bad. Eugene wasn’t a real doctor and this kind of medical situation was exactly what you feared.

“She was sick and hiding it. Now all of the second floor has the flu and is in the infirmary. Problem is, we got no medicine. And there's another problem…” Simon trailed off.

The second floor was where Jamie and the kids lived. Simon began to continue speaking but you cut him off and quickly spoke.

* * *

 

“All of the second floor is sick? What about Jamie?” you asked desperately. Negan cocked his head to the side and exhaled loudly when he heard you mention Jamie.

Simon looked to Negan for approval to continue before answering, “Jamie is sick. Not too bad, not like Nick. That kid is on fucking death’s door.”

Your stomach turned. “The little girl that died… Was it Katie?”

Simon sighed and closed his eyes. “Yeah that's the one.”

“What was the other problem you mentioned?” Negan scratched his beard.

“Oh right. We don’t have medicine and the reason why we’ve run out is because those little shits, Jamie and Nick, were stealing it for Katie. They’ve known she wasn’t doing good but they didn’t tell anyone,” Simon reported.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Negan huffed.

“Jamie brought them to the infirmary shortly after you guys left. Katie was unconscious and Nick was hallucinating. Eugene tried his best but it was already too late for the girl. I don’t know how much longer Nick has. The rest of the sick will get worse without meds and that shit will spread to the rest of us!”

Negan stood there silently thinking as he stared at Simon. He was trying to come up with a plan when you spoke up.

“This is all my fault.” You started to tear up.

Negan and Simon stared at you waiting for an explanation. You were quiet for too long which made Simon start making expressive faces at you.

“Well fucking talk, doll!” Negan growled, frustrated by your silence.

“I could tell there was something wrong with Katie a few days ago. I went looking for Jamie and found Nick in the hall. I could hear Katie crying in their room. I could've helped her, but now she's dead. Then yesterday, I could tell there was something off about Nick,” you explained. Tears were streaming down your face now as you looked up at Negan with sad eyes. “You need to help them! You need to go out and find medicine!” You were pleading.

“I don't have to do _SHIT!_ ” Negan scoffed.

“Fine! You don’t have to do shit! Just let the kid die, you heartless bastard!” you screamed at Negan and then stormed off to your room.

“You get your ass back here right fucking now!” Negan screamed back at you, but you ignored him and continued walking away.

* * *

 

“You see the shit I've got to put up with?” Negan turned to Simon.

“I understand your frustration with her. But Negan, I gotta point something out...” Simon hesitated.

“What the fuck do you gotta point out?” Negan narrowed his eyes at Simon.

“It’s in our best interest to go out and find medicine. Katie's death ain't our fault, but if we let more kids die it could cause problems. Besides, you said last night you felt like you’re getting closer to her saying yes. Now if you do nothing, Jamie and Nick will die and she will never forgive you for that. But if you be the big hero and save the day by finding medicine, then I think she'd be screaming yes.” Simon smiled, hoping he didn't overstep too much. Negan intensely stared, thinking over his words.

“Shit, Simon! You're fucking right!” Negan smiled and Simon nodded his head in agreement. Simon knew he was right. Lately he had to keep Negan thinking clearly when it came to this girl.

“We already did all of the pickups for the week. There wasn't any medicine but we could send one of the communities to scavenge extra hard.”

Negan shook his head. “No, that will take too long. We should just do it ourselves. Gather up some men. We leave tonight.” Negan walked off and started to head towards your room.

* * *

 

You were laying on your bed when a knock came at your door. You remained silent and turned your back to the door. You could hear the door slowly creak open and someone walk inside. Their footsteps stopped at your bed and they sat down next to you. A hand was lightly placed on your back.

“Doll? Wake up.” Negan lightly shook you.

You turned to look up at Negan. “Go away.”

Negan gently grabbed you and forced you to sit up.

“Doll, I'm leaving with my men to go find medicine. I wanted you to hear it from me.”

“You are?? Why??” You jumped up and grabbed onto Negan’s hand.

“I couldn't let another kid die. I'm doing this for Nick, the rest of the sick people, and even Jamie will get some fucking medicine.”

“You’re not going to kill Jamie?” You furrowed your brows. You were convinced earlier that Jamie was going to be killed.

“Not today, doll. But stop breaking my goddamn rules!”

You hugged Negan. He was sparing Jamie’s life for you again. He was still doing his best to do the right thing--the nice thing.

“Now listen. I’m leaving right now with Simon and my men. We might have to go pretty far out. Should be back in three days. Until then, I need you on your best fucking behavior. Don’t you fucking dare go to the infirmary! I don’t want you getting sick.”

It was sweet the way Negan was concerned about you getting sick. He was willing to go out and risk his life to help the sick people. It was a different side of him--a human side.

“Let me go with you. I’m good at scavenging!” you begged.

“Absolutely fucking not!” Negan retorted.

“Negan…”

“There is no way in hell I am taking you out there on a dangerous run,” Negan argued.

“But-”

“I said no. You better be good and stay out of the infirmary. Also, we have some things to fucking discuss when I get back.” Negan kissed you on your forehead and walked towards the door.

He went to open the door but stopped to look at you one last time.

“You got me wrapped around your little finger, you know that?” He grinned as he left your room.

* * *

 

You woke up early the next morning and quickly got dressed. You glanced at your job assignment for the day: laundry room. Oh great. You wanted to keep your mind off Jamie and you now have to work in the place where you first met him.

Arriving at the laundry room you see Anne. It had been a long time. Last time you worked with her was the first time you worked the kitchen.

“Hey, it’s been a while.” You smiled at her and she smiled back.

“Have you heard any news about the run Negan is on?” you asked.

“Yeah, actually I have. I was coming out of my room this morning when I heard Dwight’s radio go off. Negan hasn’t been able to find any medicine. They’re going further out, but should still be home the same time as expected.”

“It sounds like they’re going to come back empty handed.” You sighed.

“I know, but at least they are trying,” Anne sadly replied.

You needed to ask Eugene how everyone was doing. There had to be another way to help them. At the end of the work day you met up with Eugene for dinner.

“You’ve been quiet the whole time we’ve been eating,” you remarked.

Eugene wouldn’t look at you. Instead he frowned as he pushed his food around his plate with his fork.

“Is it that bad? Come on Eugene! Give me an update!” you pleaded.

“Negan gave strict orders that he did not want you learning bad news while he was away.” Eugene spoke matter of factly.

“I don’t give a shit! Tell me!” You slammed your hand on the table, making Eugene jump.

“Nick is worse. He is coughing up blood now. Jamie’s condition remains the same.”

You felt a pang of sadness. This reminded you of when people got sick at the prison. That’s when an idea hit you.

“I know how I can help them.” You stood confidently in front of Eugene.

“How?” He looked at you confused.

“I've seen people get sick before. It happened once in our group. Glenn almost died. A man named Hershel knew of a medicinal plant called Elderberry that could be brewed in a tea. I’m sure I can find some in these woods.”

“How are you gonna go about asking permission to exit the premises?” Eugene questioned.

“I’m not.”

Eugene looked at you in shock.

“Negan isn’t expected back for two days. If I sneak out tonight, then I can scavenge for a whole day. I will sneak back in tomorrow night.”

“Woman you are undeniably insane.”

“Eugene, you know I’m good at scavenging. It will be dark so no one will see me sneak out. Negan is gone. This is my only opportunity.”

“Then go you must.” Eugene sighed.

“Okay Yoda.” You laughed at Eugene to try to lighten his mood.

* * *

 

You went to Eugene's room to grab supplies. You started packing a bag with snacks for the day. Eugene looked at you sadly as he handed you a hunting knife.

“Don't worry about me. I'll be careful. I just have to figure out how to get past the guard.”

“I can help with that. Don't worry about it. Just go.” Eugene assured you.

You left his room and quickly made your way through the Sanctuary. Curfew had just started so the halls were empty. You were able to make it outside without being seen. Carefully, you hid along the wall and watched the guard pace in front of the fence. Eugene’s voice came through the walkie asking for the guard to come inside for a shift change. The guard entered the building and you had the perfect opportunity to sneak out of the fence and disappear into the woods.

* * *

 

You had been walking through the dark woods for hours with only the moonlight lighting your path. You were determined to put as much distance as possible between you and the Sanctuary. Dawn was breaking through the tree line when you decided to take a break from walking. You started remembering when Hershel took you and Carl outside the prison to find elderberries. Hershel had saved so many people back then and if you could find elderberries now, Hershel's wisdom could save even more people. You were happy you actually paid attention to what Hershel told you about the plant. It was easy to confuse it with other plants and he described how to tell the difference. You started to wonder how you were going to explain this to Negan. He would definitely question where the tea came from. You decided right then you would tell the truth when he found out. You just hoped he would be more impressed with you than angry.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you weren’t paying attention to your surroundings anymore. A walker came up behind you, grabbing your arm. You spun around quickly and tried pulling your knife out of your belt, but it was too late. The walker pushed you down to the ground. It lay on top of you snapping its jaws as you tried to push it away. Your body was slipping against the muddy ground. You were exhausted from walking all night and you were losing what little strength you had left in you. It was coming closer and closer to your face. You gave it one last hard push, feeling your arms give out.

Just as you thought you were going to die, an arrow came flying out of a crossbow and into the walker's skull.


	15. Made To Suffer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are saved in the woods by an old friend. Together you search for elderberries. When you return home something terrible happens. 
> 
> WARNINGS: Intense beating, Threat of rape, A very sad and descriptive death of a character (I felt like I needed to include this just in case someone is uncomfortable)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but there is NO NEGAN in this chapter! Of course he will be back in the next chapter though!

****The walker’s body went limp on top of you. You were too weak to push it off. You examined the arrow sticking out of the walker's skull, and hoped that it wasn’t a Savior who had just caught you outside the gates. Finally, the pressure of the weight of the walker was relieved when it was pulled off you. **  
**

“Well shit, you ain’t being very careful, are ya?” Daryl lightly smiled at you and held out his hand.

You felt a sudden burst of energy and jumped up into his arms. He hugged you back tightly, and you could hear the sounds of more walkers approaching. Daryl took your hand, and you both started making your way around the stray walkers. You looked down at your clothes to see that you were covered in mud and guts.   

“C’mon, this way to get us back to Alexandria.” Daryl started to cut across an empty road.

* * *

 

“No,” you said firmly.

Daryl stopped to look at you confused.

“I need to find elderberries for my friends!”

“Friends?” Daryl asked you. He seemed annoyed.

“Yes. Back home some of my friends are sick. Negan is trying his best to find medicine, but he’s having no luck. I’m hoping this tea will help them.”

“Back home?” Daryl repeated. You could tell he was hurt by your words.

You couldn’t look him in the eyes. You couldn’t even believe your own words. But it was true that the Sanctuary had begun to feel like home. You and Eugene were getting quite comfortable there. You actually felt safe. After meeting Jamie, you realized that not all the people there were monsters. In fact, Jamie was the nicest person you had ever met. Your group had made a mistake attacking the Saviors, but it was just a matter of time before the people forgave you for it. Anne and Jamie certainly had, and they could help convince others that you were still a good person. If they could find it in themselves to forgive you, then you could do the same for Negan. Even though he had killed your friends and was very intimidating, you still felt like nothing bad could happen to you with Negan around. You enjoyed when he spent time getting to know you, or tried to do nice things for you. Now if only he could get over his damn jealousy over Jamie.

“Yeah... home. The Sanctuary is my home now. There is this kid that is sick. His sister already died, but I need to find him elderberries so he can get better. It’s the least I can do after what we have done.” You looked into Daryl's eyes to see a look, not only of sadness, but disappointment and anger.

“You’ve lost your damn mind,” he backed away and looked at you.

You remained silent as you watched him try to make sense of your words. Daryl kicked up rocks and dirt with his boot before turning back to look at you. He suddenly stormed over to you, looking like he was ready to shout.

“They’re sick huh? Good!” he shouted as his body shook slightly. He leaned in and growled, “They all deserve to die.”

“The Saviors aren’t perfect, but neither are we! There are good people living there,” you argued.

“I don’t care. They work for Negan. I’ll kill them all!” Daryl shouted again before he started to walk away.

Those words hurt you. Does he really believe they all deserve to die? He would probably kill Jamie if he was given the chance. Or maybe even kill you, if he didn’t know you.

“Does that mean you want me dead?” you sadly respond.

Daryl turned to look at you, and shook his head. He felt bad. He could never hurt you like that. You were still his family.

“I want you to come home,” he whispered in your ear as he continued hugging you.

“Daryl, I can’t. My friends will die without my help. Nick is just a kid. I have to help him. I killed his father at the outpost. The least I can do is save his life.”

Daryl pulled away and looked at you. He could tell there was no way you would leave without finding the berries. He nodded and stepped back.

“Okay, let’s find these damn old berries.” He started looking around the ground.

“Old? Elder. They’re called elderberries!” You laugh.

“Whatever!” Daryl shook his head and began walking in search of the berries.

* * *

 

A few hours went by and you still found nothing. You were starting to feel slightly discouraged. Daryl insisted you stop to take a break. You sat on the ground against a tree, and Daryl joined you, sitting close.

“What about Negan?” Daryl shuffled his feet.

“He’s not so bad when you get to know him. He can actually be really nice.”

“How the hell can you say that?” Daryl mumbled.

You sighed and shook your head.

“I just realized that we weren’t as innocent as we thought. We have all done bad things. We all got shit to get over.”

“You really feel safe around that crazy asshole?” Daryl looked at you through his messy hair.

You did feel safe around Negan. Honestly you didn’t know how, since he was always threatening Jamie. But you could just feel it in your bones that he would never lay a finger on you. Just even the way he charged at David for disrespecting you, told you that Negan would fight to protect you. Even against his own men.

“Yes. He would never hurt me,” you said confidently.

“You don’t know that for sure,” Daryl mumbled.

“I do. I really do.” You smiled thinking about it.

Daryl sighed, and got up to kill a walker. You turned your head to see three more heading your way. The two of you finished them off quickly. You could barely see more walkers in the distance heading towards you. It looked like a big herd of them. You looked down at the dead walkers, and then at Daryl. He understood what you were thinking. He bent down and started cutting open the walker. He started to rub its blood on his shirt and pants. You tore open the walker at your feet, and bathed in the blood as well. You pulled out its intestines and draped them around your neck for an extra precaution. The herd was closer now, but they didn’t notice you and Daryl. You walked alongside them as the two of you search for the berries with the herd in silence.

* * *

 

After hours of walking, the herd reached the edge of the woods. An open grassy field lay before you. You and Daryl broke away from them and watched as they continued walking away. Daryl nudged your arm, and you saw that he was pointing to the ground.

There were a ton of berry bushes. _Elderberries._

You smiled and let out a sigh of relief. You opened your backpack and began picking all the berries. Daryl helped you as well with picking them. You planned on taking every berry in sight.

After picking them all, you hugged Daryl. “Thanks for your help.”

You turned and started to walk away. The sun was going to set soon, and you wanted to make it as far as possible before you had to walk in total darkness through the woods.

“Ya really think I’m gonna let ya walk back in the dark?!” Daryl ran to catch up and walked alongside you.

“You really don’t have to. I’ll be fine on my own.” You sounded very unconvincing, even to yourself.

“Ain’t gonna shake me off that easy. I’ll take ya… _home._ ” Daryl struggled to say that last part.

The two of you began the long walk back to the Sanctuary.

* * *

 

It was pitch black, but you could see a small amount of light in the distance from the Sanctuary.

“We’re close now. You better go. I can make it inside without you.”

Daryl nodded, and looked at you sadly. He wanted so badly for you to change your mind and leave with him. He hugged you tightly, and you could feel him start to wipe away his tears on your shirt.

This was breaking your heart, but you had to go.

“I promise I will see you again,” you assured Daryl.

He nodded and then left you, disappearing through the trees. You turned and looked towards the Sanctuary gates. You started to wonder how you were going to get back inside. Eugene was able to distract the guard for you last time.

You walked along the gate until you found a spot that usually had a guard. But there was no one there. This was your chance.

Quickly, you climbed the gate and made it over to the Sanctuary side. You took note that Negan’s truck was still gone. You looked down at your nasty blood soaked clothes. Thankfully it was past curfew. You didn’t need anyone to see you covered in walker blood. That sure would be a fun one to explain to Negan.

You started to walk towards the factory doors when you heard whistling, and then you felt someone pull your arm back hard.

“Look who the fuck it is!” The man laughed.

_It was David._

_You were alone with David._

“What the fuck are you covered in?” David looked down at you in disgust.

“Walker blood,” you mumbled, pulling your arm out of his grasp.

“That is fucking disgusting. You get bit out there?” David looked outside the fence, then back at you intensely.

“No. Can I go now?” You rolled your eyes at him.

“No, you fucking can’t!” David closed the space between you.

His hot breath was on your face. You stood your ground. David laughed and slightly tilted his head to crack his neck.

Suddenly, his fist hit your stomach hard, making you bend over in pain. He then walked to the side of you and kicked your hip.

You hit the ground hard, still clutching your stomach. David came around behind you and kicked your back repeatedly. Your body was already too exhausted to be able to fight back.

“You can't do this!” you cried out in pain.

“I can do whatever the fuck I want, bitch.” David kicked the back of your head, making you feel dizzy.

David walked around to the front of you again, and began beating the shit out of you with his fists. He focused his punches on your upper chest, stomach and sides, avoiding your face.

“Negan… wouldn't… allow this…” you barely spat out. David had knocked the wind out of you.

“Yeah well, Negan’s not here, is he?” David laughed, picking up at crowbar and slamming in against your thigh.

You tried pulling yourself away, but it was no use. David started to hit your arms with the crowbar to stop you from moving.

“I'll tell him everything when he gets back!” you shouted, tears streaming down your face.

"You can't tell Negan shit! He'll kill your friends. He said you were on your last strike, and if you disobeyed again that we are allowed to punish you how we see fit!”

This couldn't be true. Negan wouldn't want you to get hurt. Or were you wrong about him? You were now doubting yourself. Maybe this was Negan’s plan. Maybe he was pretending to be nice to get you to agree to be his wife. Maybe he really was a monster all along.

You felt your body vibrate in pain. Your vision was hazy. David had finally stopped beating you.

“Yeah, you're not gonna say shit to anyone unless you want that kid back at Alexandria to die,” David whispered in your ear.

“If you didn't smell like shit with all that walker blood, you could've gotten a different kind of punishment.” David laughed, and then continued whispering in your ear as he tightened his grip around your neck.

“Maybe tomorrow night, when you’re all cleaned up, I’ll pay a visit to your room and we can continue with that punishment.” David laughed again as he stood up, and then walked away whistling.

You laid there in pain, struggling to find the strength to get up. You should have left with Daryl. The Sanctuary wasn't safe. If Negan really gave that order to his men, you were on dangerous ground. David was right. Negan couldn’t be told about David’s beating. You weren't willing to risk Carl’s life. And you had no way of knowing if Negan really gave that order.

Somehow you found the strength to get on your feet. Your entire body burned in pain. You were still a little dizzy from the kick to the head, but you were determined. You went through all this to get the elderberries.

Slowly, you made your way through the empty halls, limping the entire way.

You finally reached the infirmary doors. Entering meant you broke another rule Negan set for you. As if it even mattered anymore.

Walking in, you saw Eugene trying to cool off Nick who was burning up. He jumped at the sight of you.

“You sure look like you went to hell and back.” Eugene looked at you concerned.

“It's just walker blood. Here’s the elderberries. Hurry and make them tea.” You slowly raised your hand to give him the backpack. You were shaking.

“Are you feeling alright?” Eugene looked at you with worry.

“Yeah, just tired. I'm gonna go crash in my bed after this.” You tried to smile.

You couldn't tell Eugene either. You couldn't trust that he wouldn't tell Negan what had happened.

“I would advise that you please take a shower before hand. Doctors orders.” Eugene smiled, looking over your bloody clothes.

You let out a small laugh, and a single tear rolled down your cheek. Eugene was still able to make you laugh, even in the most serious situations.

You both heard heavy breathing and gasps coming from Nick. His body was convulsing. You held onto him tight to try and get him to stop.

His shaking slowed and he opened his eyes. He started to cough badly. Blood dripping from his mouth.

“It's okay Nick. Everything's going to be okay!” You tried to assure him, even though you knew it was a lie.

He looked at you so fragile and afraid.

“I got medicine to help you! Eugene is gonna use it to make you all better!” You smiled sadly.

“Medicine? How?” Nick barley spoke.

“I snuck over the gate and looked for it. I fought off walkers for hours.”

Nick smiled at you, “Thank you.”

Eugene started to crush the berries and make the tea.

“Sing me a song?” Nick looked up at you innocently.

“What do you want me to sing?”

Nick didn't respond. His eyes had closed, but he was still breathing.

You started singing the first thing that came to mind, “You are my sunshine… my only sunshine…”

Nick’s low voice spoke once more.

“I forgive you.”

You tried to carry on singing through your sobs. You start to feel his body slightly shake, and then he let out a breath.

_His last breath._

You stayed there singing to him, holding his small lifeless body.

Eugene was shaking and crying. You pull your knife out, knowing what needed to be done, and quickly got it over with.

You look at Jamie sleeping peacefully in his bed on the other side of the room.

“How is he still out?” you asked, afraid that maybe he wasn't sleeping.

“He needed rest. Gave him medicine to help him sleep. He was wearing himself out watching over Nick. Making himself sicker than he already was.”

You let out a sigh of relief and walked over to Jamie. You lightly ran the back of your hand over his slightly warm forehead.

“Please hurry and give him the tea. I can't lose anyone else.”

“Yes of course. Please go clean up and sleep. You need your rest too.” Eugene gently rested his hand on your back.

“Okay doc.” You smiled at him and walked out of the infirmary and towards the showers.

* * *

 

You had tried your best to get to the showers fast. Still covered in walker blood and being out after curfew was not good. After quickly washing your body, you sat down under the stream of cool water and let yourself cry.

This was too much emotional and physical pain for you to handle. You felt broken on the inside and outside.

You remembered that David could still be lurking around. You rushed to turn off the shower and search for clothes. There happened to be a small basket of clean clothes left in there by the laundry workers. A small stroke of luck. You put on a tee shirt and jeans, and looked at yourself in the mirror. You instantly noticed bruises that already started to show on your arms. You had to hide them to avoid questions. You dug through the basket until you found a long sleeve flannel shirt. You removed the tee shirt, replacing it with the flannel, and buttoned it all the way up to hide the bruises on your upper chest.

No one ever has to find out what David did.

You slowly and painfully limped back to your room. You were sweating and feeling dizzy from the amount of pain you felt. You were barely able to open your door. You looked around the room to make sure David wasn't inside. You made sure to lock the door, and to take an extra precaution, you dragged the chair over and jammed it under the handle.

The room was spinning and your vision was going black. You stumbled in the direction towards your bed.

You then collapsed onto the floor. The world slowly fading away as you passed out.


	16. Heart's Still Beating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You struggle to keep secret what David did to you from Eugene & Jamie. Negan finally comes home.

“I don’t understand why we are out here.” Negan spoke up loudly from the bottom bunk. **  
**

Simon laid fast asleep on the top bunk of the bed. They were on a run looking for medicine to take back to the Sanctuary— medicine that would save Jamie’s life. It had only been a day on the road and so far the trip hadn’t been successful, but tomorrow was a new day and Negan couldn’t fail you. There was a nearby hospital the Saviors had randomly found hours earlier. They were spending the night in an abandoned school so they could scavenge the hospital in the morning. Simon made the mistake of sharing a bunk bed with Negan, a choice he would soon regret.

“Simon! Wake the fuck up!” Negan kicked the top bunk with both his feet.

“What the hell, Negan?!” Simon jumped up in the top bunk, almost hitting his head on the ceiling.

“Why are we out here? Why am I doing all of this? I’m risking my life, and yours, and all the other men with us!” Negan sighed and shook his head.

“You already know the answer to the question, Negan!” Simon practically cried out in frustration.

“I’m gonna need you to explain this shit to me,” Negan huffed.

“Okay, but first I’m gonna need a hell of a lot of tequila to get me through this.” Simon climbed down out of his bunk and opened up his pack. He pulled out a half empty bottle of tequila. He started to look for a nearby glass and opted to drink straight from the bottle.

“You are doing this to make her happy,” Simon said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“But doing this is going to benefit Jamie as well. If we just stayed at the Sanctuary, then Jamie would’ve died and everything would be just peachy!” Negan retorted.

Simon drank as much as he could when Negan mentioned Jamie. He couldn’t handle these conversations anymore. If only Negan would just take the damn advice and leave Jamie alone.

“No it wouldn’t Negan. Jamie needs to live. Even though he would’ve died from illness, she still would’ve blamed you. She would know that you could’ve tried to do something like this to save Jamie. It is possible that Jamie will still die if we don’t get him medicine in time, but at least she will see you trying to save his life! She’s gonna fucking love you for it!”

“You really think so? Do you think this will make her say yes?” Negan questioned.

“It is very possible!” Simon smiled as he drank more tequila.

“But what if Jamie lives? That little shit is gonna ruin everything! I just fucking know it!!” Negan growled.

“Jamie Jamie Jamie! Maybe everythang ain’t bout Jamie!” Simon started to slur his words.

“You know what? I’d bet ya Jamie Jam don’t even like her! I’d bet a whole fuckin’ dollar that you’ve been reading too much into their relationship!” Simon drank more tequila.

“I think you need to be cut off, man!” Negan quickly snatched the bottle away.

“Oh sure! Just go right ahead and take away my drinky! Just like you took Jamie away from her!” Simon folded his arms and pouted.

“Well, you can’t fucking handle your liquor, just like she can’t handle being around Jamie!” Negan argued.

“Well,” Simon mocked Negan, “I can handle my tequila! And she can handle her Jamie! We just can’t handle _YOU!_ ”

Negan took a deep breath before sighing and handing the bottle back to Simon.

“You’re right. Always fucking right.” Negan laid back down on the mattress.

“Halle-fuckin’-lujah!” Simon slurred, taking one last sip before climbing back up to the top bunk.

“Simon?” Negan quietly spoke.

“Oh fuck! What now?” Simon threw his hands in the air.

“Thank you for these late night talks. I’ve really needed them lately.”

“Anytime, I love you man.” Simon smiled, and then passed out from the tequila.

Negan lightly chuckled when he heard Simon already snoring. His mind then drifted back _home_ , wondering what you were doing at that exact moment.

* * *

 

_KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!_

You jolted awake, feeling every bruise that covered your body. You were laying on the hard floor of your room. You hadn’t slept in over 24 hours, and must of passed out from lack of sleep and also the pain from the beating.

The loud knocking continued on the door.

“Yes?” You were barely able to speak.

“You know, I already had to make up stories as to why you were MIA yesterday. It is very difficult to also explain why you haven’t shown up to your assigned position for today. Getting to the kitchen should be priority number one now.” Eugene’s voice came through the door.

His long answer was making your head spin. Damn it. Why can’t he ever have just a short, simple reply?

“Can you confirm that you have indeed heard my plea?” Eugene spoke again.

“Yes Eugene! I am coming right now!” You pulled yourself up off the floor, using the bed frame to steady your shaky legs. You shoved the chair out of the way and took a deep breath before opening the door.

“I assume we are both working the kitchen today?” you asked him calmly, even though your body was shooting with pain.

“Yes and we better get to it.” Eugene quickly started walking down the hall.

You slowly followed him, unable to keep up with his pace. You were trying your best to not limp in front of him.

“Tell me how Jamie is?” You tried to make small talk to get your mind off the pain.

“He drank a large portion of the elderberries and seems much better. He is utterly crushed from the death of Nick. He almost collapsed when I broke the news to him,” Eugene informed you.

You leaned up against a random wall, unable to keep up with him anymore. You needed just a little break.

“Hey, just go ahead to the kitchen without me. I’ll meet you there, okay?”  

Eugene noticed how you looked, and quickly walked back to you. He placed a hand on your shoulder which sent pain vibrations through your arm.

“You okay? You don’t look too good!”

“Oh thanks a lot, Eugene! I kinda had a rough day yesterday, and I just need a little damn time!” you snapped at him.

Eugene looked hurt, but then his expression changed back to concern for you.

“You are hiding something. I’ve known you long enough to know that. You may not want to reveal all your cards to me, but we are still aces. I got your back, so no need to worry about me. I will let you be. Just don’t take too long now. Preparations for dinner are beginning and the kitchen staff will need you. Especially since you already bailed on breakfast and dinner planning.”

Once Eugene was out of sight, you felt like you could finally breathe again. You closed your eyes and just focused on slowly breathing in and out.

Until you heard whistling.

You opened your eyes to see David heading straight for you. There was no time or energy for you to make a run for it. He quickly made it over to you, and leaned in close. He placed his hands on either side of the wall behind you, closing you in. He smiled as he looked down at you before he inhaled deeply, sniffing you.

“Well don’t you smell delicious! I was just on my way to your room, but it looks like you’re meeting me halfway.” David smiled as he played with the buttons on your flannel shirt.

He was making your skin crawl.

“ _HEY!_ ” A voice came from the end of the hall. “You get your ass over here!”

You quickly looked to see Jamie standing there. He looked a lot better than he did last night, but he also looked angry, something that you’d never seen in him before.

“Remember,” David whispered, “Don’t tell anyone. If Negan finds out you jumped the fence, he will kill that one-eyed kid!”

“There is an emergency in the kitchen!” Jamie shouted again, walking closer.

“To be continued after dinner.” David smiled as he squeezed your hips, knowing that they were badly bruised. It made you whimper and tear up instantly. He then continued walking down the hall, whistling. Jamie quickly made his way over to you.

“Are you okay? That looked like something bad was gonna happen!” Jamie wiped away a stray tear and looked down at your hips with concern.

Something bad had already happened, but no one could know.

“You should tell Negan about that.” Jamie interrupted your thoughts of last night.

“No, it was nothing really.” You started to walk away.

“Then why are you crying? Did he hurt you? I heard you whimper when he touched you! Did he just grab you really hard or something?” Jamie followed you towards the kitchen.

“Stop being so damn nosey! It was no big deal! Now leave me alone!” You snapped at Jamie.

“Hey!” Jamie blocked you from entering the kitchen.

“ _WHAT?!_ ” you growled.

“I just wanted to say thank you. You saved my life. I know I’m not one hundred percent yet, but I am much better because of that tea. Also thank you for being there for Nick when he…” Jamie couldn’t finish his sentence. He couldn’t say those words. He started to tear up and looked at you.

You were in so much pain that you really didn’t care about Jamie at the moment. All you wanted was to be left alone. You had no idea how you were going to go in there and help cook when you could barely stand at the moment, but you’d have to just push through it.

“Can I go now? I really have stuff to do,” you snapped at him. Jamie seemed very confused at your reaction. You were never this distant and cold. He moved to the side and allowed you to enter the kitchen.

* * *

 

As you helped cut up vegetables, you noticed Eugene and Jamie talking on the other side of the room. They kept looking over at you, which confirmed your suspicion that they were discussing you.

Your head was pounding and your torso throbbed in pain. Your back burned every time you leaned over. This was nearly impossible to keep hidden. They could tell you were in pain. Jamie said something to Eugene before walking out of the kitchen. Eugene then moved closer to you and tried to talk to you, but you ignored him.

Suddenly, Anne came running into the kitchen.

“Negan is back! They all made it home safe, and the trip was a success!” Anne clapped her hands and jumped up and down. She ran over to Eugene and hugged him tight.

“You now have medicine to cure your patients, doc!” She winked at him and turned to hug you now, but Eugene quickly pulled her back.

She looked at him confused, and then he whispered in her ear, “I wouldn’t risk that. She is possessed by Satan today.”

This comment made you roll your eyes and sigh. Eugene just had to make that comment to Anne of all people. It would take only five minutes now for the entire Sanctuary to know you were in a mood.

”Ho Ho Ho! Merry fuckin’ Christmas!” Negan kicked open the door to the kitchen, carrying a case of medicine.

“Hi, doll. Did you fucking miss me? I missed the fuck out of you. Look how successful my trip was! This is just a little sample of the shit we found!” Negan was smiling, showing you his heavy case of medicine.

“Cool, uh, make sure you get that to the uh, infirmary quickly, please.” You didn’t look at him at all and continued to cut up vegetables.

Negan set the crate down and walked around the kitchen. He tried to get your attention, but you never looked up from the counter. He was shocked. You didn’t even seem happy about the medicine. This was not the reaction or welcome home he was expecting from you. He moved to stand directly behind you, hoping to grab your attention.

“Damn woman, am I fucking invisible today?!” Negan growled.  
  
You jump, not even noticing him there. He chuckles at your reaction. You gently squeeze past him, not flirting back which was not normal.

“Is something wrong?” Negan’s voice was more frustrated and annoyed, rather than concerned.

You shook your head and continued working in silence.

“Oh, let me guess. You really didn’t fucking think I would find out? You can’t do shit without me knowing!”   
  
You are nervous now. He must know you snuck out. You were too tired to explain yourself, and you honestly didn’t trust him knowing the truth.

"I have no idea what you are talking about.” You shrugged your shoulders.  
  
“Really?! So you thought I wouldn’t find out you had skipped your job assignment yesterday and this morning?!” Negan accused you.

You were relieved he doesn’t know what you really did.

“Sorry. I wasn’t feeling too well.”

“Shit! Did you go into the infirmary and get fucking sick?” Negan looked concerned.

“No,” you simply answered.

“I want you to take some meds. Have doc here prescribe something to you, just in case.” Negan pointed at Eugene.   
  
"Ok sure.” You walk away from him and back to the counter to cut vegetables. This wasn’t like you. You always responded with sarcasm when Negan spoke to you like this. Negan knew something was off. He knew you were hiding something.   
  
Eugene looks up, noticing Negan can also tell something is wrong. He is concerned for you, so he speaks up. “Sir, she has been acting off all day, but won’t say why.”  
  
You glare at Eugene feeling betrayed, but also realize he is just worried.  
  
“Is that fucking so? What gives doll?” Negan turns to look at you.

You stay silent.

“Speak when you are spoken to!” Negan storms over.  
  
“It’s not important!” you finally respond.

“Hell fucking yes it is! Tell me now!” Negan demands.   
  
“I just need to eat. Hunger is making me moody I guess.”

Negan stares at you hard, “I’m not fuckin’ buying it!”  
  
You continue cutting vegetables as he stands behind you, moving in closer. He was trying to whisper in your ear, so he started pressing himself against your back.   
  
The pressure made you scream out in pain. Negan had pressed too hard on the sorest part of your back. Your scream made him and everyone else jump. You were gripping the counter as hard as you could from the pain, tears falling down your face.   
  
Negan set Lucille down next to you, and slowly reached for the back of your flannel shirt. He slightly lifts it to see your bruised back.   
  
Eugene was staring, waiting to see what was wrong with you. Negan turned and looked him straight in the eyes, “Eugene, clear every fucking person out of this kitchen. _NOW!_ ”   
  
Eugene quickly got everyone out. He stayed behind, but kept his distance from the two of you.   
  
You were still gripping the counter in pain, your knuckles turning white.  
  
“Doll…” Negan said softly.  
  
“Please,” you sobbed, “J-just f-forget it.” You turned to face him.   
  
“Please,” you begged again and clutched your stomach, feeling the pain of those bruises as well.  
  
Negan noticed. He raised his hands to the top of your flannel shirt and began slowly unbuttoning it. Releasing the last button, he lightly pushed the fabric away as it fell to the floor. Negan’s face fell when he saw your bruised stomach and chest. He ran his fingers across your skin, making you wince.

His face turned stone cold. Unable to look you in the eyes, he growled out one word, _“WHO?”_   
  
“It’s fine. Please drop it,” you pleaded.  
  
“Tell me who the fuck did this, _NOW!_ ” He was enraged. The last time he looked like this was when Rosita tried to kill him.   
  
“I broke a rule, so I was punished. I’m sorry. I deserved it,” you sobbed.   
  
Negan starting pacing, “I don’t fucking give a fuck what fucking rule you fucking broke! Fucking tell me who the fuck did this right fucking now!” he screamed.  
  
“Please. Please, if I tell you who did this, please promise me you won’t kill anyone for what I did. I was just trying-”, your head was spinning feeling the effects of being kicked last night, “trying… trying… I just…. I didn’t want them to die…”  
  
Just as everything went black, you felt Negan catch you before you could hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare to start seeing a darker side to Jamie in upcoming chapters...


	17. Sweet Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan learns more details about what David did. Something major is revealed about Jamie.

“Simon, I don't fucking understand why she was so afraid to tell me? What the fuck am I missing here? How does she not know I’d never hurt her?!” Negan shook his head as he looked down at you laying in a bed in the infirmary.

“Do you realize how many times you have almost killed Jamie? Come on Negan! She's not scared that you'll hurt her, but that you'll hurt people she cares about!” Simon reasoned.

“If I want her to tell me, then I’m gonna have to give her what she really wants. Where the fuck is Jamie?” Negan stood up and looked around the room.

“He has been doing much better today and is up and running about,” Eugene informed Negan.

“Well that’s a fucking miracle!” Negan tilted his head.

“I fear something bad happened to her.” Eugene looked down at you concerned.

“No fucking shit. What the fuck do you know?” Negan questioned him.

“She snuck out past the fence. She wanted to go look for Elderberries. It is a berry plant with medicinal properties. Anyhow, she was dandy when she left, but when she returned she acted odd. At first I thought it was on account of Nick dying in her arms, but now I know it must be whatever caused the bruising.” Eugene admitted everything to Negan.

“Snuck out past the fence? You have got to be fucking kidding me! You allowed her to do that shit?” Negan angrily asked Eugene.

“Well sir, I didn’t exactly allow her, and she didn’t ask for permission. You and I both know that she does in fact do what she wants, when she wants.”

Negan had to admit that Eugene was right. There was no controlling you, but he loved it.

* * *

Negan sat on the side of your bed, watching you sleep. His mind was racing of what exactly happened to you when he left. He wondered at first if you got hurt running from walkers, but Eugene confirmed that your bruises looked like they were from a beating and not a fall. It enraged him that someone at the Sanctuary would hurt you like this. He didn’t want you to fear living there, and he certainly didn’t want you to fear him anymore.

Jamie entered the infirmary and jumped at the sight of Negan.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I was just here for more medicine.” Jamie quickly made his way over to the medicine Eugene had already set out for him.

“Jamie Jammie! I’ve actually been wanting to talk to you!” Negan grinned, “Have a seat.”

Jamie nervously pulled a chair close to Negan and sat down without looking at him.

“It has come to my attention that I’ve been way too fucking hard on you!” Negan chuckled watching how nervous Jamie was.

“You know, we could be friends! I just have a few very important questions.”

Negan leaned forward, looking Jamie straight in the eyes.

“How badly do you want her?” Negan pointed to you sleeping in the bed.

Jamie sighed and shook his head. “I love her as a friend and would do anything for her, but I don't want her like that.”

“I find that really fucking hard to believe!” Negan raised his voice.

“I am not attracted to her whatsoever!” Jamie argued.

“Now I know you're fucking lying to me!” Negan huffed.

“It's not a lie! I'm attracted to someone, but it's not her!” Jamie cried out.

“Who the fuck could you be more attracted to than _HER?!_ ” Negan was getting angrier.

Jamie considered saying nothing. He shuffled his feet and was nervous to say how he truly felt.

“Speak when you’re spoken to! Answer the fucking question!” Negan shouted.

“ _Simon!_ ” Jamie shouted back and then quickly covered his mouth, shocked by his own voice.

He could see the shock on Negan’s face as well, and then Negan grinned.

“Simon? Well shit, that was a fucking plot twist I wasn’t expecting! Damn, he really was right! I have been overreacting about you! This whole fucking time I thought you wanted my girl, but no no no! You wanted my right hand man!” Negan chuckled and scratched his beard. He felt a sense of relief that he didn't have to worry about Jamie anymore.

“Simon is always the fucking voice of reason! I really gotta start listening to his advice more!”

Jamie laughed with Negan before speaking up again, “So Simon has talked about me?”

“Cool your jets, Sunshine. Simon punches his ticket in pussy town, so you don't have a shot with him. But if you want, I can let you go on runs with him? So you can… you know, gawk at him from not so far away?” Negan laughed.

Both Negan and Jamie sat in silence as they watched over you, waiting for you to wake up.

* * *

Slowly, your eyes opened and you realized you were laying in a bed. You didn’t remember how you got there. The last thing you did remember was being with Negan in the kitchen. You instantly noticed a figure on the side of the bed. Your vision was still blurry, but you recognized him.

“Robbie?” you whispered.

“No, it’s Jamie.”

“Hey, sweetheart. I am here too. You’re safe now. No one will ever hurt you like this again,” Negan assured you. “I have some shit I gotta take care of, but Jamie is going to watch over you.”

“Jamie?” you questioned, confused why Negan was allowing this interaction.

“Yes, Jamie. You two are allowed to be friends again. We can talk about that later. I just have one question, and I really need you to give me an answer… Who did this to you?”

“David,” you whispered, “He… I... “ You were too exhausted to find the words.

“Don’t worry about explaining, honey. We’ll get to that later. Rest up.” Negan kissed you on the forehead and left the room with Simon.

“Where the fuck is David?”

* * *

Hours later, you woke up again. Jamie was gone, but Negan was there. He was sleeping in the chair with his head resting on the edge of the bed, holding your hand.

You remain silent, still afraid of what he had been doing while you were sleeping. He knew what you had done and there was no telling what he was up to. You feared that maybe he made a quick trip to Alexandria. But then why would he allow you to be friends with Jamie now?

You hear Negan sigh and realize he is actually awake. You move your other hand to his hair and run your fingers through it. Negan raises his head and looks at you.

“Hey doll, how do you feel?”

“Like I got the shit beat out of me, but not as bad as it felt earlier?” You spoke sarcastically.

“There is that attitude I missed! Eugene gave you pain medication to make you feel better.” Negan smiled.

“Oh please tell me there is more of that stuff? Feels so nice.” You grinned.

“Of course there is! Our trip became really fucking successful when we stumbled upon a stocked hospital!”

“I'm sorry I snuck out, but I think if I didn't then Jamie would've died.” You sighed, thinking about how Nick didn't make it and how you had to watch him die.

“I don't care about that. I care about what happened when you got home.” Negan shifted, feeling anger when he thought of David hurting you.

“He told me you ordered for me to get punished however anyone sees fit if I broke a rule.”

Negan squeezed your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips so he could kiss it.

“I would never order any of my men to hurt you like that. You have to believe me doll!” Negan pleaded.

“I do now.” You smiled.

“I want you to tell me all of the details. Jamie told me he saw you and David in the hall earlier and you were crying?” Negan was afraid of your answer, but he needed to hear it.

Your skin crawled just thinking of David.

“Last night, when I snuck back over the fence, I was covered in walker blood. David said he would've raped me if I didn't smell so disgusting. He told me he would find me later and finish the punishment. He also told me if I told anyone, that you would go kill Carl because you were sick of me breaking rules.”

Negan started breathing heavily and shaking. He didn't think he could be any more pissed off at David.

“He found me in the hall earlier and told me he was on his way to my room. Jamie interrupted us and basically saved me. David whispered to me that he'd continue after dinner.”

Negan struggled to remain calm, but he couldn't live another moment knowing what David had done to you and what he still planned on doing to you.

“You feeling okay enough to go down for a quick gathering?” Negan calmly asked.

“If Eugene gives me more of that pain medication, I think I can fight off a dozen walkers!”

Negan chuckled and kissed you before leaving the room. He entered the hallway outside the infirmary, directing Eugene to go back inside and take care of you until he was ready. He then instructed Simon and Jamie to retrieve David from the cells.

“Dwight, fire up the furnace! Gather up all the people while you get the iron ready!”

* * *

You, Negan, and Eugene entered the main room in the Sanctuary with the furnace. Negan directed you to the front of the crowd with Eugene. You could see Dwight turning the iron over the flames. You knew that Negan was about to burn David’s face. You couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that he would only have to live with being scarred like Dwight. You wanted David dead.

Simon and Jamie entered the room, dragging David with them. You could easily see that David had endured a nasty beating. Jamie smiled at you. You knew that he probably participated in the beating, not only for you, but revenge for himself as well. Simon threw David to the ground in front of Negan.

“David! You really fucked up! And I don't mean a little. No! Your fuck up is an epic one!” Negan laughed, circling around David like a shark.

“You beat my girl and then threatened to rape her?” Negan continued.

“You are pathetic!” David snarled.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Negan leaned down to look David in the eyes. He was shocked that he wasn't begging for his life.

“You have become so weak because of a woman! You disgust me.”

“News at fucking eleven. Ask me if I give a fuck,” Negan growled back. He quickly stood up and grabbed the iron from the furnace, slamming it to the side of David’s face.

David's scream filled the room before he passed out from the pain. Negan made fun of the fact that David pissed himself. He motioned for Eugene to come over.

“Do your thing, Doctor Smarty Pants. Wake David up!” Negan ordered.

Eugene then gave David a shot of adrenaline to wake him up. David groaned as he awoke to the smell of his own burnt flesh. Negan grabs David’s face to make him look at you.

“Apologize to her!” Negan demands.

“Sorry,” David sobs.

Negan looks up at you with a serious look on his face, “Was that apology good enough for you?”

You glared down at David and shook your head from side to side.

“Not for me either.” Negan grinned as he grabbed the back of David’s shirt and threw him head first into the furnace.

Negan looks over at you and sees something he wasn’t expecting, which made him smile.

You had the hugest, wolf-like grin on your face as you listened to David scream as he was being burned alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "One day doll. One day you’ll fucking say yes!” - Negan in chapter 7. Well guess what guys? The next chapter is titled... Say Yes. That’s right. The smut has finally arrived on Darkest Desire!


	18. Say Yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally "say yes" to Negan.

You were enjoying this moment—watching David get the punishment he deserved. For a moment, you had thought that Negan condoned David's behavior, but you were wrong. Negan had now killed one of his men, one of the Saviors, for _you_. 

David’s lifeless body still laid in the furnace. Negan approaches you as you continued to grin. He takes your face in his hands and smiles down at you, before placing a soft kiss to your lips. He rests his forehead against yours, and closes his eyes, savoring this moment.   
  
Negan let out a light sigh, and then whispered, _"Say yes."_  

_"Yes!"_ you quickly answered.   
  
"I told you!" Negan laughed, "I knew one day you'd say yes!"

You smiled, but you were feeling tired from the amount of pain medication Eugene had given you. Negan grabbed your hand and started to lead you to his room. He realized how tired you were and immediately scooped you up and carried you to his room.

Negan gently laid you in his bed, “You’re gonna need all the fucking rest you can get!”  
  
Negan jumped into bed with you and pulled you close. Both of you were extremely tired, and drifted off to sleep quickly.

* * *

 

Morning came, and you woke up to the sound of Negan walking back into the room with a tray in hand.

"Looks like my Sleeping Beauty is finally fucking awake!" Negan grins, and sets the tray on the bed.   
  
"Did you bring me food?" you got too excited, and jumped up a little too fast, hurting your back.   
  
"You need to take it easy!" Negan rushed to your side and pulled a bottle of pills out of the pocket of his leather jacket.

You took the pills he handed you, and then averted your attention back to the tray.

“Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life!” Negan removed the lid off the dish to reveal a plate with smiley face pancakes.

You laughed. It was incredibly sweet that Negan brought you this.

“I also brought you this to wear. It seems more comfortable than what you got on.” Negan held up a pretty cream colored long silk nightgown.

The fabric felt nice and cool in your hands. It was definitely much more comfortable than the jeans and shirt you were currently wearing. You got up out of the bed and noticed Negan was watching your every move.

“Help me put it on?” you asked with a smirk.

Negan grinned and came over to you, immediately going for the buttons on your flannel shirt, and then working on your jeans. He tossed your old clothes to the side, and slid the new dress over your head. It felt so light and refreshing to wear something so soft. Negan motioned for you to sit back down to eat your breakfast. You ate your food really fast, trying to think of the last time you actually ate. It definitely had been a while.

The pills began to kick in, and you no longer felt pain, but started to feel very tired. You laid your head back for just a moment, not meaning to fall back asleep.

Negan removed the tray, setting it on his table. He removed his jacket, placing it on the couch next to where he left Lucille. He made his way back over to the bed and crawled in to join you. He watched your breathing and just hoped that you’d feel better soon.

* * *

 

You woke up next to a sleeping Negan. He looked exhausted. It made you wonder if he had really been sleeping since he got home, or if he was too busy watching over you. You continued looking over how sweet and vulnerable he seemed in that moment. You raised your hand to his face and gently caressed his cheek. Negan woke up to the soft touch of your hand.

“You're awake?” he mumbled.

You responded by moving closer to him and placing a soft kiss to his lips. His hand went to your hip, and you moved it down your leg. He slid his hand under the dress and up your leg, pulling the dress up over your hip. He deepened the kiss, and you rolled your hips up against him.

“Aren't you in pain?” Negan looked down at you with concern. He didn’t want to stop, but he also didn’t want to hurt you.

“I’m fine, Negan. Please...” you begged as you pulled his lips back down to yours.

He continued to kiss you, and you could hear him unbuckling his belts. He pushed you onto your back, and pulled away for just a moment to remove your underwear. Negan moved your legs apart and aligned himself at your entrance, slowly pushing in just a little, trying not to hurt you. You whimpered, and he laid himself on top of you and kissed you tenderly.

“Are you still okay?”

“Yes,” you whispered softly.

Negan continued to slowly thrust himself into you and constantly looked at your reactions to confirm that you weren’t in too much pain. You could tell he was holding back. He was too afraid of hurting you.

“Please don’t hold back, Negan. I can take it.” You wrapped your legs around him to push him into you more.

A wide grin formed on Negan’s lips, “Oh you can take it huh?” Negan chuckled, and started to quicken his pace.

You started panting louder, and grasped onto his hair. You didn’t know if it was because you waited so long for this, but something about being with Negan felt incredible. You looked at him, and no longer felt afraid of a monster. You actually cared about him and didn’t want to think about life without him in it. Everything had changed for you now.

Negan hit a spot that made you instantly feel heat build up inside you. He let go of his fear of hurting you and thrust into you relentlessly. You started to cry out in pleasure as your walls tightened around him. It was enough to send him over the edge, and he filled you with his release. He placed light kisses on your neck and chest before he finally pulled out of you and laid beside you.

He laid with you peacefully, and you both enjoyed each other’s company in silence.

* * *

 

Negan left you a couple hours later. He ordered you to rest in bed, and sent Jamie in to keep you company.

It was nice to sit with Jamie and talk, without fearing that Negan was going to have a meltdown over it. You still didn’t understand what exactly happened to make Negan back off.

“He realized I wasn’t a threat,” Jamie assured you.

“Yeah, that’s not enough. I need details!” you stared at Jamie and waited for the gossip.

“I told him I’d never be interested in you cause I am attracted to Simon,” Jamie smiled.

“That is such a relief!” you laughed.

“A relief?” Jamie tilted his head.

“It was so obvious to me that you felt no attraction to me whatsoever, but I was also like ‘damn, am I that undesirable?’ Now it makes sense!” you laughed and smacked Jamie on the shoulder playfully.

“It sucks cause I know Simon is only interested in women, and I just feel like there is no guy here that isn’t just into chicks,” Jamie sighed and pouted.

“Sounds like you need Jesus!” you smiled at the thought of them together.

“Excuse me?” Jamie shook his head, not understanding what you meant.

You laughed when you realized what it sounded like you were saying to him.

“Jesus is a guy from Hilltop that is gay! People just call him that cause of his appearance. His real name is Paul.”

Jamie perks up with excitement, “Is he cute? Do you know any other gay guys?”

“Jesus is kinda badass, a good fighter. Aaron was one of my closest friends at Alexandria, but he is with Eric. And if you tried to get between them, then I’d have no choice. I’d have to kill you.” You smiled at Jamie and winked.

“Negan told me I can go on supply runs now!” Jamie grinned at you.

“Yeah? You trying to tell me that you’re running off to Hilltop?” you both laugh.

Eugene entered the room with more pain pills for you.

“Hey doc! So I’m feeling much better. You think it’s okay if I get back to work tomorrow?”

“If you are feeling up to it, I suppose it is okay, but I don’t think it’s an option for you.” Eugene looks away from you and towards the ground. He wasn’t making eye contact.

“What does that mean?” You lower your head to try to catch his gaze.

“You need to talk to Negan,” Eugene replied with a serious look on his face. It made you feel uneasy.

You quickly change into your old clothes. Before leaving the room, you notice Eugene and Jamie looking at you strangely. You leave the room to go find Negan.

* * *

 

It took some searching, but you found Negan in the rec room, playing pool with Simon. Negan studied what you wearing as if he didn’t approve. You ignored his reaction, and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

“So I told Eugene I was feeling better, and he said it was okay that I go back to working tomorrow.” You looked up at Negan, but he turned and continued his game of pool in silence.

You leaned up against the wall and waited for a response from Negan. You could tell he was thinking, but there was no way he was _that_ focused on the game.

“You don’t work anymore,” Negan finally spoke.

“What?” You tilted your head and looked towards Simon, but he wasn’t making eye contact with you either.

“My wives don’t work those job assignments,” Negan continued.

“Excuse me?” you crossed your arms and leaned forward towards Negan.

“You have just one fucking job from here on out: be ready to fuck whenever I’m ready for you. You can lounge with the rest of the wives until I come get you, but you can just fucking go right to my room tonight cause I already damn well know you’re the wife I want to fuck tonight!” Negan smiles and grabs your ass, pulling you towards him.

You can't help but laugh in his face. Negan looks down at you confused as to why you are laughing.

“I am not your wife,” you say sternly.

“Fuck yeah you are!” Negan retorts.

“I never agreed to that shit!” you argue.

“You fucking agreed to it when you said yes!” Negan was clearly pissed off.

“Let me make this clear to you... I wasn't saying yes to that. I would never say yes. I don't want to be a wife!” you reply coldly, and pushed him away from you.

Negan stared at you intensely. He was literally shaking with anger, but you stood your ground.

“What more do I have to fucking do for you?” Negan growled.

“Excuse me?” you tilted your head again.

You and Negan never broke eye contact. You could hear Simon sigh in the background, and heard the clinking sound of a bottle opening.

“I could've left you in that fucking cell in the very beginning, but I gave you freedom. I could've left Eugene in the cell, but he got fucking freedom too! I even fucking took you home to see those assholes! I could've fucking killed Jamie, but I let him live. When he got sick, I could've let him die, but I went out there and risked my fucking life to get him some damn medicine! Then I come home to a shit ton of shit going down, and I even killed David for you! Finally, I get a fucking thank you, and now you want to take that shit back?” Negan gripped onto his pool stick tighter.

“You seriously think doing all of that is going to get me to say yes to becoming a wife? Are you delusional? It's called being nice Negan!” you argue, not caring about his reaction.

Negan went to speak, but suddenly you all heard the sound of gunshots.

“What the fuck?” Negan turned to Simon.

“What the hell is going on?!” Simon spoke into his radio.

No answer.

Negan and Simon ran out into the hall, and you followed. They continued trying to get a response on the radio, but no one was reaching out.

“A bunch of people are dead on the first floor! I’m looking for who did it, but they must be hiding!” Dwight finally reported on the radio.

“Shit! I'll start looking. Simon, take her to my room and lock the door!” Negan ordered.

“No! I can help!” you argued.

“No, it's not safe! Just fucking listen for once and go to the fucking room!” Negan snapped back.

Simon grabbed you and started walking down the hall fast. You both made it up the stairs quickly until you reached the floor you needed to be on. Simon forced you to run with him to get to the end of the hall, where there was another side hallway that lead to Negan’s room. You were both almost at Negan’s room, when you heard the gunshots again, closer than ever before. They were coming from the stairs. Simon forced you down the side hallway.

“Get inside and lock the door! They're gonna start coming up the hall!” Simon ordered you.

You reached Negan’s door and watched as Simon looked around the corner. He jumped and pointed his gun down the hall. You opened Negan’s door, but you just couldn't force yourself to go inside and leave Simon alone.

“Run, Jamie! Run!” Simon started screaming.

“Jamie?!” you ran back over to Simon.

You heard Jamie shout, and then hit the ground. Simon ran down the hall and grabbed Jamie. He had been shot in the leg, and Simon was starting to drag him to safety. You quickly ran over and grabbed Simon’s gun and turned to help defend them against this attacker.

When you looked up, you had a gun pointed to your face,

_“What the hell?”_


	19. Jamie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie's backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will start off right where I left you on the chapter 18 cliffhanger. Stay tuned!

Jamie had lost count of how many days it had been since the outbreak started.

He had no idea what happened to his family. Maybe they were still alive or maybe they were dead and roaming around. He hoped they were dead—truly dead; it was better that way. He was lucky that he didn’t have to go through this world alone. He had his boyfriend, Kevin, to survive with.

The two of them had been living together in New York when the world went to shit. They were careful of who they interacted with. In the beginning, people feared the dead. These days, regular living people seemed more dangerous than the dead.

They hadn’t been very lucky with groups. Someone always started a fight that ended in blood shed, or they were attacked by another group. They started to try to avoid other people as much as possible and stopped helping others.

Until one day, when they were driving on the road and passed a man walking with two small children.

“Jamie, stop the car!” Kevin shouted.

“No, I can’t. We can’t trust them,” Jamie argued.

“He has kids with him! We can’t just leave them to die!” Kevin retorted.

“I am not turning this car around and that is final!” Jamie snapped back.

“Then pull over. I want out of this car,” Kevin huffed.

“Are you out of your damn mind?” Jamie hissed.

“Well I don’t care how shitty the world has become. I am not leaving children to die!”

Jamie slowed the car and Kevin quickly got out. After slamming the door shut, he turned around and started walking back in the direction he had seen the family. Jamie watched him walk away in the rearview mirror.

Maybe he was overreacting, but he just couldn’t bring himself to trust anyone these days. Every person they had met lately turned out to be a new kind of monster. Jamie sighed, turning the car around and started following Kevin.

“Don’t be ridiculous! Get back in the car. We’ll pick up that family!” Jamie shouted at Kevin through the window of the car.

“Are you serious?” Kevin smiled.

“Yes, but hurry before I change my mind. I still have a bad feeling about this,” Jamie sighed again.

Kevin quickly jumped back into the car and patted Jamie’s shoulder, “You’re doing the right thing.”

The car approached the family that was now sitting on the side of the road. They looked sad and defeated. Jamie and Kevin got out of the car slowly with their hands up to show they were harmless. The man stood up and shielded the two kids from the car.

“Hello, my name is Kevin. This is my boyfriend, Jamie. We came back to help you.” Kevin smiled sweetly.

“Hi, name’s William, but you can call me Will. These are my kids, Nick and Katie.” Will smiled back.

* * *

Months went by, and the guys had gotten really close to Will and his children. Will was able to soften Jamie and remind him that not every stranger was a bad person. His kindness had really rubbed off on Jamie, and it made him a better person.

They had found an abandoned motel of the side of the main road. It seemed safe enough, but they used cars and a makeshift fence to create a safe border from the road. Jamie thought it was bad to be staying at the main road, but Kevin argued that it was the only way they'd meet more people. Jamie liked their group as it was and didn't want new people coming in, but Kevin had a different way of thinking. He wanted to save as many people as possible.

They were lucky to meet a couple more good people that stayed at the motel with them. Two brothers, Chris and Paul, and a woman named Joan. They helped protect the motel, and that was good enough for Jamie.

Jamie awoke to a loud banging outside. He realized Kevin wasn't in the room. He must've been outside keeping watch. Jamie rushed out to see that dawn was breaking, and Kevin was kneeling on the ground next to Will. Jamie was suddenly grabbed and dragged over to the lineup. He was soon joined by Chris, Paul, and Joan. He looked over at Will and saw the fear in his eyes. He realized that Nick and Katie hadn't been found yet.

“Good fucking morning!” A dirty looking man smiled as he pointed a gun towards the lineup.

“You guys got a nice little set up here! We want it.” Another man came out of one of the rooms grinning with a large machete.

“Looks like you guys will be checking out earlier than you thought. But first you gotta pay up for your stay!” The dirty man pointed his gun to Kevin's head and pretended to pull the trigger.

“Please just let us go. You can have the motel. We will go quietly,” Chris pleaded.

“We can't risk you trying to come back here.” A third man came up behind Jamie and pressed a gun to the back of his head.

_Three men. It's just three of them. We can fight them, if we all attack at once. None of us have to die at the hands of these monsters._

Suddenly, Joan got up from the lineup and attempted to run for the gate. She was shot down immediately by the man that was standing behind Jamie. She was scared, but she was trying to abandon them. Jamie knew he never liked her.

A child's scream came from inside Will’s room. One of the men ran inside and pulled out Katie. Nick was hitting the man, trying to free his sister.

“Oh, look what we have here!” The man spoke in a tone that made Jamie feel sick.

“No! Leave them alone!” Kevin shouted and stood up.

The man let go of Katie and raised his gun, pulling the trigger for real this time. Kevin's body hit the ground, and Jamie screamed grasping at the pavement.

_Now was the time to attack._

Will charged at the man that was grabbing Katie again. Chris and Paul jumped up and attacked the man with the machete. Jamie felt a gun press against the back of his head again, and he pulled a knife off his belt and used it to quickly stab the man behind him. He lost control and continued stabbing him, over and over. He could hear gunshots behind him, but he continued stabbing even though the man was dead.

Blood was gushing everywhere and Jamie was covered in it. He felt hands on his shoulders and he panicked. Jamie turned around quickly with the knife in his hand and stabbed it into Paul's neck.

“No! No! No! I'm so sorry! Please don't die, please!” Jamie held onto Paul's body as he bled out.

He sat there distraught as he watched Paul take his final breaths. He was his friend, and he had accidently killed him. When Jamie finally looked up, he saw that the pavement was covered in blood. Will sat off to the side holding onto his children that were both crying.

_Everyone else was dead._

“I killed Paul. I didn't mean to. I thought he was one of those guys. I can't believe… I can't…” Jamie started crying as he looked over at Kevin's body.

“It's going to be okay, Jamie.” Will tried to comfort him as best as he could.

“Holy shit! Looks like I just missed one hell of a showdown!” A man approached them cautiously. “We were coming down the road and heard the gunshots.” He stroked his moustache.

“Please leave us,” Jamie said coldly.

“Hey now, I can’t just leave kids to die!” The man chuckled and pointed to Nick and Katie.

_Silence._

“Well, since no one is gonna fucking introduce themselves, allow me… my name is Simon! Now your turn.” Simon held his hands out and motioned for them to speak.

Will cleared his throat and introduced himself, the kids, and Jamie to Simon.

“It looks like you guys have had a rough morning. It doesn't seem very safe here. My community is safe. If you are willing to provide.” Simon grinned.

Will agreed and began following Simon. He had to pull Jamie up to snap him out of his thoughts. Simon lead them to a large truck down the road.

“We just made one of our pick ups. You guys can jump in the back.” Simon pointed.

It didn't seem like they were driving for long when they pulled up to a large factory building.

Will was impressed when he saw how large the community was. Simon took them to a vacant room that had two beds.

“Two can sleep in here and I have another room over here for two more.” Simon explained.

“I think we’d all be more comfortable sleeping in the same room if that’s okay?” Will asked. “We will be fine with just the two beds.”  

“I understand that you guys want to stick together. I guess the kids don't take up much space.” Simon patted Will and Jamie on the back.

“Get some rest. You’ll be meeting Negan later.” Simon added before walking away.

Jamie and Nick shared a bed while Will and Katie shared the other.

“Jamie?” Will called out into the dark room.

“Yes?” Jamie replied.

“Everything is going to be okay. I promise,” Will said hopefully.

“Don't make promises you can't keep,” Jamie replied coldly.

* * *

A few hours later, Simon retrieved the men and brought them to Negan.

"What the hell kinda shit you guys been through?" Negan pointed to Jamie’s blood drenched clothes.

“We were staying in a motel off the side of the main road. A group attacked us this morning, and four of our people died.” Will hung his head just thinking of it.  
  
“Why is he so damn disgusting compared to you?” Negan pointed to Jamie.

“The men that attacked us, I stabbed one of them to death.” Jamie finally spoke up.  
  
Negan laughs, "Ice cold. I love it!"  
  
"You don't have to be afraid of any group ever again," Simon added in.

“How would you like to stay here with us?” Negan asked. 

Will looked at Negan and Simon, considering this offer. He glanced over at Jamie who was standing there still in a state of shock.

“Your kids will be safe. I promise,” Negan added.

Jamie and Will talk more to Negan about the Sanctuary, and he offers them two options: they can work for points with daily job assignments such as laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Or they can work as a Savior, doing supply runs, and possibly going to an outpost to live.

Will points out that he would like to stay where his kids are. He wants to work the daily job assignment.

_Jamie wants to be a Savior._

* * *

Months go by and the guys loved living at the Sanctuary. Negan made them feel safe, until one day when everything changed.

Dwight had run off with his wife and sister. When Dwight and Sherry came back, Negan had to punish them.

“You think you can fucking run from me?” Negan scolded them. “You stole supplies that belonged to me. For that, you gotta fucking pay,”

He dragged his bat across the floor in front of Dwight and Sherry, taunting them while he had a crowd gathered to watch the show.

“Please, do whatever you want to me. Just please don’t hurt her.” Dwight pleaded for Sherry.

“I don’t fucking enjoy hurting women. So Dwight, I’ll make you a nice fucking deal. I’ll let Sherry live, unharmed, and you’ll get to know Lucille.” Negan grinned.

“Thank you,” Dwight said softly, as he held back tears.

“Did everyone just fucking hear that? I just told Dwighty boy here that I was gonna bash his fucking head in with Lucille, and he thanked me for it!” Negan laughed.

He paused for a moment before raising his bat.

“Wait!” Sherry cried out, “I have a better deal.”

Negan leaned in and listened, waiting for her plea.

“I will be one of your wives, if you spare Dwight’s life.”

“Well would you look at that, Dwighty boy! Your wife wants to marry me! That’s gotta fucking sting!” Negan chuckled.

“Alright darlin’, I accept your offer! Dwight doesn’t have to die, but he does need a reminder of what he has done.” Negan grabbed a hot iron and pressed it to Dwight’s face.

Jamie and Will stared in disbelief while they listened to Dwight scream. Katie started shaking and crying and Will tried to comfort her. They couldn’t believe what they were witnessing.

The leader that they thought would protect them from monsters, _was a monster himself._

* * *

A week went by and everything went back to normal at the Sanctuary.

It made Will uneasy. He couldn’t have his kids around someone like Negan. He had to get them out, but he didn’t want to run away. The only way he could see out of this was if another group took Negan out, or if they left to join another group. But he was always stuck working in the kitchen. Everyone loved his cooking.

Will approached Jamie, who had just returned from one of the outposts.

“Gathering supplies?” Will asked.

“Yeah, we needed just a couple extra things.”

“Switch with me. Please,” Will begged.

“What, why?’ Jamie shook his head, “You’d be away from the kids!”

“I need to find another group. I need to find a safer place for my kids. For all of us.”

“Okay.” Jamie nodded.

“Promise me you’ll take care of my kids while I’m gone.” Will looked at Jamie seriously.

“Like they were my own.” Jamie hugged Will.

Jamie watched as Will drove off to the outpost, not realizing that he would _never_ see him again.

_That night, Rick’s group attacked that same outpost. Killing everyone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! I thought it would be cool to read about Jamie's past and learn how he met Negan. Also thought it would be cool to include how he met Will and how he ended up takng care of Nick and Katie. Let me know what you guys think!


	20. One Time Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie, Simon, and Negan are nearly killed by Sasha. Negan plans to go to Alexandria and you convince him to take you. You and Negan continue to fight about "saying yes" to becoming a wife.

“What the hell?” You looked up at Sasha as she pointed a gun in your face, “Sash?”

“Move!” Sasha growled as she pointed her gun towards Jamie and Simon.

“No!” you shouted, blocking her from shooting them.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Sasha shouted back.

“You can’t hurt them!” you pleaded.

“They work for Negan. They deserve it!” Sasha replied coldly.

“Are you saying Eugene and I deserve to die too?” You shook your head in frustration.

“Of course not! You guys are Negan’s prisoners!”

“But we’re not. We work for points,” you admitted.

Sasha became frustrated and pointed the gun back at you again. You could tell that it made her angry that you willingly worked for Negan. He was supposed to be the enemy.

“Where’s Negan?” Sasha hissed at you.  

“Is that why you’re here?! Did you come in here hoping to find and kill him?”

“Yes, now tell me where he is, damn it!” Sasha shook her gun in her hands, still pointing it at you.

“I will never-” You paused when Negan interrupted by running down the hall.

“What the fuck?!” he shouted as he ran with his men.

Sasha turned quickly and aimed her gun towards Negan. Just as she was starting to pull the trigger you shoved her. The bullet barely missed Negan. You wrestled Sasha to the ground and removed her weapon.

“Shit! What the shit?! You just tried to kill me?!” Negan growled as he grabbed the gun you were handing him.

“Take her to the cells!” Negan barked orders at his men.

Negan’s men grabbed Sasha and started to drag her away. You watched as she glared at you the entire time. She was wondering why the hell you stopped her from killing Negan. You felt bad as you watched her disappear out of the hallway. She didn’t understand why you wanted to protect Negan. Hell, you didn’t even understand it. But the thought of Negan dying just now made you feel sick. You grabbed onto Negan’s leather jacket and pulled him in for a hug.

“That bullet almost hit you,” you mumbled into his chest.

Negan hugged you tighter and kissed the top of your head.

“She could’ve shot you too,” Negan sighed.

“No, she’s my friend. She wouldn’t have done that!” You wiped a stray tear from your cheek.

“Uh, not to interrupt, but she did have the gun pointed in your face,” Simon interjected.

“Simon is right, doll. She threatened your life and that is _not_ okay!” Negan growled and clenched his jaw.

“Please Negan, don’t hurt her! Let me talk to her first! I can make her understand,” you pleaded.

Negan’s anger softened and he smiled down at you. He was thinking about how you had just saved his life. It showed him your loyalty.

Jamie cleared his throat, “Hey, so did you all forget that I just got shot? I’m feeling a little lightheaded here…”

“Oh shit!” Simon turned around and kneeled down next to Jamie.

“Get him to the fucking infirmary, Simon!” Negan ordered.

* * *

The three of you went down to the infirmary with Jamie, and Eugene was already waiting. Simon helped boost Jamie onto a bed. Eugene slowly approached and looked over Jamie’s leg. He looked a little nauseous from the sight of it, and it made you nervous. Eugene was in way over his head.

“Alright Doctor Smarty-Pants, how bad does it look?” Negan asked.

Eugene let out a shaky breath and examined the bullet wound better.

“By the looks of it the bullet went straight through. I can clean the wound and stitch him up. Should feel better in no time, but I reckon he shouldn’t walk on it. In fact, I’d recommend he use the wheelchair until it properly heals.”

You were concerned that Eugene wasn’t going to be able to do this. He wasn’t really a doctor, but only you knew that. Eugene caught your gaze, and you gave him a concerned look. He nodded at you to assure that he could do it.

You noticed Negan leave the room, and you followed him out. You knew he was probably going to the cells. You walked alongside him in silence for awhile.

“What are you going to do to Sasha?”

“Don’t worry about that right now,” Negan stopped in the middle of the hall and looked down at you.

“I am worried ‘cause she’s my friend and I don’t want you to kill her. I can’t believe she almost shot you.” You sighed and rubbed your hand over your face.

“I think it’s so fucking cute how scared you got!” Negan laughed.

“Shut up you jerk!” You playfully punched his arm.

Negan grabbed you and pulled you close to him. He sweetly kissed you, but you quickly pulled away.

“I haven’t forgotten what we were fighting about before Sasha came in guns blazing!” you said sternly.

“That discussion is fucking over,” Negan growled.

He looked at you with a serious face, and you returned the same glare. You weren’t going to back down from this.

“So then you agree that I am not a wife?”

“Are you trying to tell me that what happened was a one time thing?” Negan leaned in closer to you.

“What if it was?!” you retorted.

“I don’t fucking buy it. You enjoyed it too damn much!” Negan chuckled and leaned backwards.

“Oh, you’re so full of yourself!” You rolled your eyes and started to walk away.

“Hey! Don’t you fucking walk away from me!” Negan began to follow you.

You had to keep walking so that you wouldn’t do something stupid. Negan did piss you off about the whole wife thing, but he was right. You did enjoy being with him, and you didn’t want it to be a one time thing. No way in hell could he know that though. Just imagining the grin he would have made you want to slap his face.

Negan followed you all the way back to your old room. He stopped you before you could go inside.

“Wait. Go to my room. I’ll bring dinner. We have things we need to fucking discuss.”

“Alright I’ll go, but we’re only talking and that’s a promise.” You turned and started walking to Negan’s room.

“Doll, don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Negan smirked.

* * *

After he finished visiting Sasha in the cells, Negan finally brought you dinner. He walked into his room carrying a large tray full of spaghetti. You had been laying on the couch for what felt like an eternity, waiting for him. He smiled down at you as he placed the tray on the table.

“Took you long enough!” Your stomach growled. You quickly sat up and pulled the tray closer to you.

“Damn honey, I was fucking busy making it! Shit, I thought you’d be a little more grateful!” Negan laughed.

“You made it? Yeah right!” You laughed and immediately started eating the spaghetti.

“I’m fucking serious! I can cook,” Negan sat next to you and started to eat as well.

“What are you doing about Sasha?” you asked nervously.

“I’ll be going to Alexandria tomorrow. A little birdie told me that Rick is planning something. I’ll return Sasha safely to him and confront him about it. Maybe it was part of Rick’s plan to send Sasha here. I’m gonna fucking find out, that’s for sure.”

“I’m going with you,” you said matter-of-factly.

“Hell no, you fucking aren’t!” Negan argued.

“If you are going to Alexandria, then you are taking me! I will not take no for an answer!” you retorted, folding your arms across your chest.

Negan shook his head without speaking a word to let you know how serious he was. You knew he wasn’t going to say yes at this moment.

“Please don’t kill anyone,” you pleaded.

“That’s not up to me doll. It’s up to Rick,” Negan spoke as he continued to eat.

“No, it’s not. That is your choice Negan, and you can choose to not hurt anyone,” you corrected him sternly.

“You’re pretty sexy when you get angry,” Negan smirked.

“I’m being serious Negan!”

“So am I doll,” Negan smirked again, and then went back to eating his food.

As you continued to eat, you noticed Negan staring at you a lot. You could tell he was in deep thought, and that look had you worried.

“What’s on your mind?” Even though you asked, you almost wanted him to avoid the question.

Negan sighed, “I hope you’ll reconsider being my wife.”

You rolled your eyes, “No.”

“Why the fuck not?!” Negan slammed his fist down on the table, making you jump.

“You have enough wives. You don’t need me.” You stood up and began walking to the door.

Negan quickly got up and pushed the door closed just as you were opening it. He stood behind you and slowly leaned against you as he whispered in your ear, “You’re wrong. I need you.”

You turned around and caressed his cheek. He moved his head against your hand and lightly kissed your palm. His eyes were full of lust. He dropped his hand from the door and wrapped both his arms around you, pulling you in closer. You kissed him softly and he kissed you harder, deepening the kiss.  

You slid your arms around his neck. He picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist. Negan carried you over to his bed, setting you down gently. He moved fast to remove your shirt and pants. His lips met yours again and your kisses intensified, becoming more needy.

Negan stopped kissing you to pull off his own shirt and pants. You watched him pull down his boxers and his hard cock sprag free. He smirked when he saw you bite your lip. He sat down on the bed and pulled you onto his lap. You began to grind your hips against his. He slid his hands up your thighs, caressing your soft skin. In one quick move, he ripped your underwear off. He stroked the tip of his cock over your wet slit. You passionately kissed him as you began to sink down onto him.

Negan tilted his head back and let out a deep sigh. You rolled your hips against him, and he ran his hands up your sides before unclasping your bra. He tossed it to the side and began massaging your breasts, and then started sucking on your nipples. You threw your head back in pleasure. Negan increased your pace by grabbing onto your hips and guiding you to move faster.

You felt your walls clench around him as you reached your orgasm. Negan’s eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily as he tilted his head forward onto your breasts. You could feel him come inside you as he moaned your name. He gently kissed your neck before he whispered in your ear,

_“I fucking knew it wasn’t a one time thing!”_

* * *

You woke up in Negan’s bed and outstretched your arms to find you were alone. You sat up and looked around the lightly lit room. The sound of running water filled the room, and you assumed Negan was in the shower. You were tempted to join him, but you held back. You swung your legs over the edge of the bed and noticed Negan’s white shirt lying on the ground. You grabbed it and pulled it on as you made your way over to the curtains. Light flooded into the room as you threw the curtains back. Looking out the window, you focused on the sky and trees in the distance. You couldn’t help but think of everyone back at Alexandria. You knew Negan was going there today, and you couldn’t shake this bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t handle losing any loved ones today, _and that included Negan._

“Mornin’ doll!” Negan snuck up behind you and wrapped his bare arms around your waist. He was still wet from the shower and wearing only a towel.

He rested his head on your shoulder and looked out the window with you. Your fingers softly glided up and down his wet arm.  

“What’s on your mind?” Negan interrupted your thoughts.

You let out a shaky sigh, “I’m nervous.”

“What the fuck about?” Negan sounded a bit concerned.

“You can’t force me to stay. Negan, you have to take me to Alexandria.”

Negan groaned and turned away from you. Walking over to his dresser he began to pull out new clothes, “You’re not gonna let this go are you?”

“Nope.” You crossed your arms and leaned against the side of the dresser.

Negan started to get dressed, and you could tell he was in deep thought. He smiled and then lightly sighed while he slipped on his leather jacket.

“Fine. You can come, but you gotta shower first. You got fifteen fucking minutes, or I’m leaving without you.”

You smiled, grabbing the red scarf off his dresser and wrapped it around his neck. You used it to pull him down for a kiss.

“Meet you at the gate?” You tilted your head.

Negan nodded and kissed you again, “I’ll go grab you some new clothes.” He then grabbed Lucille and left the room.

_You took the fastest shower of your life._

Exiting the bathroom, you walk into the room and it is still empty. Glancing down at the edge of the bed you saw a small pile of neatly folded black clothes. You picked them up and were shocked to see that it was a black dress with matching bra and underwear. A pair of black heels were set next to the side of the bed on the floor. A note fell off the bed when you moved the dress.

_‘Sorry. I will make this up to you. Promise. -Negan’_

“No you fucking didn't…” You ran over to the door and tried to twist the handle. 

_Locked._

Negan had gone to Alexandria without you, leaving you locked inside his room.

You started angrily banging your fists on the door and shouted for Negan. He couldn’t do this to you. The feeling in your stomach grew stronger. Something bad was going to happen in Alexandria, and you wouldn’t be there to stop it.

“Stop banging on the damn door! You’re going to give me a migraine!” A familiar voice yelled from the other side of the door.

“Jamie?!”

“Yeah, it’s me.” He sounded slightly annoyed.

“Help me get out! I’m locked inside!” You continued to try to jiggle the handle.

“Can’t do that. Negan ordered me to keep you inside.”

“Really Jamie?! Come on!” you pleaded and kicked the door.

“Sorry.” Jamie sounded exhausted.

“Shouldn’t you be on bed rest?” you sighed, and turned your back against the door,

“Eugene fixed me up with meds before he left. I’ll be fine to sit here in my chair.”

“He took Eugene?! Damn it, Negan!” You slid your body down the door and sat on the floor.

You were frustrated that Negan lied to you. If he could take Eugene, then he could take you. You were incredibly nervous that something bad was going to happen when they arrived at Alexandria. You needed to be there to protect the people you loved. But you didn’t know if that meant protecting The Saviors or The Alexandrians. _Maybe both._

You needed to get there. You needed to find a way for Jamie to open the damn door.

“Jamie, I’m starving! Can I get some food?” you spoke sadly through the door.

“Negan told me he was going to leave you a tray of food on his desk. Eat something from there,” Jamie replied.

You looked over at Negan’s desk and saw the tray of food. Damn it, Negan had thought of everything.

“I don’t see the food,” you lied to Jamie.

“Maybe he placed it somewhere else. Keep looking,” Jamie seemed a bit annoyed again. He really should be resting.

“I looked everywhere and there is no food! He must have forgotten! Please bring me something!” you tried to sound as desperate as possible.

“Do you think I’m stupid? I’m not opening this door for you to run out of it!” Jamie hissed.

“I would never do that to you! Just find something you can slide under the door if you don’t trust me! I’ll take anything to make my stomach stop growling!” you lied again.

“Okay fine. I’ll head down to the kitchen. This might take a while,” Jamie sighed.

You listened to him slowly wheel his chair down the hall. You quickly grabbed a small knife off Negan’s desk and start digging it into the lock. You hear it click and quietly open it.

You check to make sure no one is outside the door, and carefully make your way down the halls and out the Sanctuary doors. It seemed like Negan took a lot of his men to Alexandria from the lack of people on guard. You could see a big truck that was loading up and quickly snuck inside the back of it.

“There was a fallen tree in the road so we have time to catch up to them,” you heard a Savior shout as he jumped into the truck.

_This truck would take you straight to Negan, and he wouldn’t be able to force you to go back._


	21. Alexandria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You arrive at Alexandria, finding it in complete chaos.

You sat in the back of the truck as it drove towards Alexandria. You were hoping that you would catch up to Negan before he arrived there. Rick was probably planning something and you would rather be at Negan’s side when it happened. You knew you could do something to stop whatever Rick was up to. Alexandria had to be nearby. As you looked out the back of the truck, you recognized the road and the edge of the treeline.

The sound of a radio buzzing caused the truck to come to a screeching halt. It was hard at first to make out what was being said. It was completely silent as the men in the truck also paused to listen to the radio. You jumped up when you heard gunshots nearby.

_Something bad had just happened at Alexandria._

The voices of the Saviors on the radio came out clearly now. They were calling out to any nearby Saviors for help.

“She came out of the casket dead and attacked Negan!” You heard the voice through the radio exclaim frantically.

Your heart immediately sank.

_She came out of the casket dead and attacked Negan. Negan was possibly dead._

You couldn’t lose him like this.

The Saviors in the truck panicked and started to turn the truck around. “They will never know we got this close!” You heard one of them shout.

_Cowards._

You quickly jumped out of the truck and hid in the brush. Once the truck was gone, you started running towards Alexandria. You couldn’t be more than five minutes away.

The bullets echoed ahead of you as you ran towards them. You quickly reached the outskirts of the community and saw most of Negan’s trucks outside. When you were almost at the gate, you saw the open coffin on the trailer and wondered what had happened.

Bullets were flying everywhere. You noticed the Alexandrians and Saviors immediately, but there seemed to be another group there as well.

It was complete chaos, and you didn’t know where to go first. You didn’t even know who you were supposed to be fighting.

You spot Negan kneeling down in front of Rick. He stood up and walked around him slowly. You noticed Carl on his knees next to him. You ran closer, and Negan raised his bat above Carl’s head.

“Negan! No!” you shouted.

You watched as he hesitated and looked up at you for a split second. Suddenly, a tiger jumped out from behind Negan. It tore into one of the Saviors.

You jumped low to the ground and saw Negan and Simon run. More people had arrived—people you had never met. They were shooting at the Saviors and seemed to know the Alexandrians.

“Alexandria will not fall today!” a man exclaimed.

You looked around frantically for Negan. You noticed him and Simon hiding behind a truck as bullets flew their way.

You started to make your way over to him when suddenly you were grabbed from behind. You struggled as you were pulled away from the battle. You were desperate to get to Negan.

“Calm down!” Daryl pulled you against him tighter.

“No, you can’t kill him!” you pleaded.

“Don’t make me lock ya in the damn cell!” Daryl snapped.

Daryl continued to pull you around the houses where it was safer from the flying bullets. He was using the side of the house as a shield while he checked who was nearby. He reached behind his pants and pulled out a gun.

“Here. Cover me.” Daryl tried to hand you the gun, but you wouldn’t take it.

“No. I’m not killing anyone. There is a better way.” You stood defiantly.

“What the hell? Ya sound like Morgan!” Daryl scuffed.

He lifted the gun and shot two Saviors approaching. You heard a loud engine and turned to watch as a truck drove out of the gates quickly. A leather gloved hand stuck out the window, flipping everyone off.

_Negan was gone._

“Shit! I gotta catch up to them!” You took off running towards the gates.

Daryl followed close behind you. He grabbed you before you could reach the gate. He pulled you back again, and you watched as the Alexandria gates were closed.

“Stop holding me back! I have to get back to the Sanctuary!” You tried to escape his hold on you.

“Ya ain’t goin’ anywhere!” Daryl picked you up and carried you away from the gates. You didn’t realize where he was taking you before it was too late. He was approaching the house where the cell was located. You started to squirm to get away, but his grip only tightened. Rosita came running over to help Daryl, opening the doors for him. Daryl tried to set you down in the cell, but you tried to run. He pulled you back, but you continued to fight him. Rosita stood holding the door open, waiting for Daryl to get out.

“Forget it. I’m staying with her. Just lock us both in.” Daryl mumbled to Rosita, who nodded and proceeded to lock the cell.

She looked up at Daryl for further instructions. She was confused as to why you were being locked in a cell in the first place. You were finally home, but your behavior was confusing.

“Get Rick,” Daryl spoke to her.

Rosita nodded and ran out the door.

“What the hell happened today?” you asked Daryl.

“We got blindsided by a group we thought would help us kill the Saviors,” he sighed.

“Was Negan bit? I heard over the radio that he got attacked.”

“I hope so. Sasha came out of a coffin turned. Seemed to catch that asshole off guard.” A small smirk formed on Daryl’s lips, but then he remembered that Sasha had died.

“I need to make sure he is okay,” you spoke softly. You were worried sick.

“Like hell you do! I hope the son of a bitch did get bit and dies!” Daryl raised his voice.

Rick came running into the room. He was sweaty and out of breath. Right behind him was Rosita and Maggie.

“You’re here?!” Rick tilted his head in confusion seeing you and Daryl locked in the cell.

“Yeah, but I have to get back. I only came to try to stop this from happening. I didn’t make it in time.” You hung your head sadly.

You didn’t want all this to happen. All you wanted was for Negan to take you with him today. You knew that you would have had an opportunity to prevent a fight from breaking out. If you had been with Negan, you could’ve talked him out of fighting. That is exactly why he didn’t want you to go. Negan didn’t want you to stop this. You saw him with Carl. You knew what he was about to do. After everything that happened between you two, he was still the man you met that night in the lineup. You may have learned a different side of him, but he hadn’t changed. Yet, you still worried about him. For some sick twisted reason, _you still loved him._

“No,” Rick’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts of Negan.

You looked up at him and he looked pissed, but also disappointed. You looked around the room to see that everyone was giving you the same look.

“Please! I have to get back to him! He’s going to be so pissed at Jamie!” You bit your nails nervously.

You hadn’t even thought about Jamie getting punished for you escaping. You didn’t plan on getting separated from Negan once you caught up to him.

“What did Negan do to you?” Maggie spoke sadly.

“Did he hurt you?” Rick closed his eyes.

“I think he fucking brainwashed her!” Daryl spat.

“No. Negan would never hurt me!” You held your hand over your chest.

Even though Negan was dangerous to everyone else, he didn’t scare you. That was because you knew how much he cared about you. You knew that as long as you were with Negan, nothing bad would happen to you.

Rosita scoffed at your reply and folded her arms across her chest, “You’re screwing him aren’t you?” she snapped.

You remained silent, and that was all the answer they needed. Rosita and Daryl seemed to become more agitated when you didn’t deny it. Rick and Maggie’s sad expressions are what hurt you the most. They weren’t only sad, but also completely disappointed in you. They just didn’t understand; they had never experienced the good side to Negan.

“You know, they are good people once you get to know them.” Your words seemed to make the room fall even more dead silent than it already was.

Maggie stepped closer to the cell, “You wanna say that to me again?”

You instantly felt a pang of guilt.

You couldn’t look her in the eyes. Maggie would never forgive Negan for killing Glenn. In that moment, you could feel that she would also never forgive you for falling in love with Negan. None of them would.

“Get me outta here,” Daryl snapped, “I can’t be next to her right now.”

Rick stepped forward, unlocking the cell to free Daryl. You walked to the door and held onto the bars as Rick locked it back up. Rick stood there and stared into your eyes as if he was searching for something.

“I don’t even know you anymore,” Rick finally spoke.

Another wave of guilt hit you. They had thought you were being kept prisoner. They didn’t know that you had opportunities to escape, but chose not to. Instead you chose Negan over your family. Honestly, you didn’t even know yourself anymore, but you couldn’t deny the way you felt about Negan. You couldn’t let him go.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

Rick nodded, “So am I.”

Rick turned and started to follow everyone else out the door. He stopped one last time to look back at you.

“You know… he’ll come for me.” A tear rolled down your cheek.

“I’m counting on it.”

Rick closed the door and left you alone in the cold darkness of the cell.

_You were finally home, but it wasn’t your home anymore._

* * *

 Eugene had the truck going at full speed down the road, creating as much distance as possible between them and Alexandria. Simon and Negan also sat in the truck, trying to collect themselves as they were still out of breath from the battle.

“What the fucking hell was that shit show?” Negan stared wide eyed outside the window of the truck.

“A goddamn tiger! Can you fucking believe it?!” Negan continued, turning to look at Simon.

“Shit, I think I’m still in shock.” Simon stared off into the distance.

“Excuse me, but did you say there was a tiger?” Eugene took his eyes off the road and turned to look at Negan and Simon.

“Eyes on the fucking road!” Negan growled, making Eugene turn away and focus on driving.

“Maybe if you weren’t too busy hiding in this truck, then you woulda seen it!” Simon shook his head at Eugene.

“I was about to teach Rick the Prick a lesson when that tiger jumped out and…” Negan trailed off.

Negan let out a deep sigh, “I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind, Simon.”

“I’m sure it’s understandable behavior to have the sensation of losing your mind when you have seen a tiger jump out from nowhere.” Eugene spoke matter-of-factly.

“No, it’s not that. I could’ve fucking swore I heard my name called out when I raised Lucille. I looked up and for a split second, and I thought I saw _her_ just before the tiger came out.” Negan rubbed his gloved hand across his face.

He leaned back and closed his eyes. He had to have imagined it. He knew she was still locked in his room back home. Negan still couldn’t shake that feeling. He had almost killed Carl. Now he could imagine how disappointed she would be in him, even if she wasn’t really there.

“I heard her voice too,” Simon spoke up.

“What the fuck? And you’re just now telling me?!” Negan leaned forward and looked at Simon who was still dazed.

“I was kinda busy getting shot at and oh yeah… a fucking tiger jumped out from behind me! Sorry if I forgot to mention that little detail!” Simon scuffed.

“I guess it doesn’t fucking matter. She should be right where I fucking left her.”

Negan turned away from Simon to look out the passenger side window again. He started thinking about what he would say when he saw you. After leaving you locked in the room like that, he knew he would have to deal with you yelling at him. He was looking forward to it; he loved your feisty side. But then he’d have to explain what happened back in Alexandria. Negan tried to ignore what he was feeling deep down inside, but he couldn’t shake it…

_The fear that you wouldn’t be home._

* * *

The truck pulled through the Sanctuary gates, and Negan quickly jumped out. The rest of his men that escaped Alexandria were outside their trucks waiting to be addressed. Negan ignored them, ordering Dwight to speak to them. Negan quickly ran to the main door. As soon as he stepped inside he noticed everyone running around in a frenzy. The fear in the pit of his stomach grew as he tried to understand what was going on, _but he already knew._

“What the fuck happened now? God damn, I feel like every time I leave some new shit hits the fan!” Negan shouted.

Jamie stood up from his chair across the room. He limped his way across the room to face Negan. He looked Negan straight in the eyes, “I’m sorry sir, I have failed.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? You’re supposed to be outside my room on guard!” Negan whispered in a low growl.

Negan knew what Jamie was going to say next, but he didn’t want to hear those words. It was too soon to lose her. Jamie sighed, looking away from Negan before he spoke.

“She’s gone.”

Negan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He had to get you back. Dwight came back inside and pulled Negan out of his thoughts.

“They’re waiting to hear from you, sir,” Dwight spoke, pointing up the steps that lead to the balcony.

Simon began walking towards the stairs, Negan and Dwight followed behind him. Eugene directed Jamie to not worry and go rest before he followed the men to the balcony.

“Simon, I’m gonna need you to-” Negan began, but was cut off by Simon.

“I’ll be getting preparations in place,” Simon spoke as he walked towards the doors.

“Everyone’s on blue level. You say the word, they’re ready to go,” Dwight reported to Negan.

“That’s good.” Negan looked outside the doors at the horizon, thinking about you being back in Alexandria. He had a good plan when he had arrived, but everything went south when Sasha came out of the coffin turned. He slightly tilted his head and looked at Lucille in his hands. He turned to face Eugene, pointing Lucille towards him.

“How the hell do you think she wound up dead in that box?”

“My, um, best possible posit fingers the tarp. That sealed up said box good and tight. She ran out of air,” Eugene spoke confidently.

Negan stared at Eugene intensely. He had the feeling that Sasha’s death was his fault. He tried to read his face for any guilt. He slowly walked over to stand in front of him, still silently staring, trying to intimidate him.

“Maybe,” Negan finally spoke.

He continued to stare at Eugene who didn’t budge. Negan turned around and slowly walked outside the doors, sighing as the sunlight hit his skin. He walked onto the balcony that overlooked the outside of the Sanctuary.

“So…” Negan looked down at his men that were waiting for him to address them,

_**“We are going to war!”** he shouted and outstretched his arms. _


	22. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were held prisoner at Alexandria for way too long, until someone decided to let you out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I took a little break since I got super busy, but I'm back to writing this!

“Thirty days!” Zach grinned at you as the group approached the store.

 

“What?” You looked over at Daryl, who seemed just as confused.

 

“It’s been thirty days without an accident!” Zach smiled at you.

 

“Hey, that’s pretty good!” You smiled back at Zach.

 

It was hard to be in a bad mood around that guy. He was always in a good mood. Zach looked over at Daryl and laughed. Daryl seemed comfortable at the extra attention.

 

“Let’s hear it, Zach.” You smirked at Daryl, knowing what was coming.

 

“A homicide cop!” Zach exclaimed.

 

Michonne and you immediately burst into laughter.

 

“What’s so funny?” Daryl scolded both of you.

 

Michonne was able to stop laughing for a moment, “Nothing. It makes perfect sense.”

 

“Actually, the man’s right. Undercover.” Daryl spoke in a matter-of-fact tone.

 

“Come on, really?” Zach shook his head.

 

“Yep. I don’t like to talk about it ‘cause it was a lot of heavy shit, you know?” Daryl still had a serious expression, but you could tell he was joking.

 

“Dude, come on really?” Zach asked, as Daryl continued to silently stare at him, “Okay. I’ll just keep guessing, I guess.”

 

Daryl finally spoke, “Yeah, you keep doing that.”

 

“I don’t know, Zach. I feel like maybe you’ve almost got it. Maybe Rick isn’t the only sheriff in town!” You laughed and nudged Daryl’s arm.

 

“Stop.” Daryl half smiled.

 

“I will guess it eventually!” Zach laughed as he walked ahead with Michonne.

 

You walked silently with Daryl. It was easy to notice that he kept staring at you, but he would look away when you caught him doing it. It was kind of adorable.

 

“Just so you know, I liked you first.” You smiled at him and Daryl scoffed.

 

“Are you ever going to tell Zach, or is he just going to guess forever?” you asked, changing the subject.

 

“Nah, it’s more fun to keep him guessing. Wouldn’t want him to be disappointed when he finds out I did nothin’ special before all this.” Daryl sighed.

 

“Come on, Daryl! You are badass! Nothing is disappointing about you!” You tried to lift his spirits. Daryl was always so hard on himself.

 

“Alright, fine. I’ll tell him when we get home.” Daryl pulled his crossbow off his back and followed the rest of the group into the store.

 

_ Zach never made it out. _

 

* * *

 

_ It had been three weeks since the attack on Alexandria. _

 

You laid on the floor of the cold cell. No one was talking to you much, and it was pissing you off. You couldn’t believe that they had kept you locked in here so long. They didn’t trust you to be out of your cell. They were convinced that you were a different person, and they treated you like a stranger. You still tried your best to convince them that Negan wasn’t all bad. They wouldn’t hear any of it.

 

Rick and Daryl came to your cell with your dinner. Rick slid a plate of food up against the bars. His expression was harsh and cold as he stared at you. You sat in front of the plate and ate through the bars.

 

“Five more Saviors are dead. Still no sign of Negan,” Rick informed you.

 

You remained quiet while you ate your dinner. You didn’t feel like fighting Rick anymore. You could tell that there was something on Daryl’s mind.

 

“Are you going to keep me in here forever?” you asked.

 

“Eventually, Negan will come for you. I'm still counting on it,” Rick replied coldly and then he stormed out of the room.

 

Daryl remained in the room, but he wouldn’t look at you. You could see the pain in his eyes as he stared at the floor.

 

“Daryl?” you called out to him.

 

“Are ya gonna try tellin’ me again how Negan is such a good guy?” Daryl finally looked at you.

 

You kept quiet and leaned against the bars. Daryl continued to stare at you through the hair that had shifted in front of his eyes. Daryl was usually silent, but you could always tell when he had something on his mind. You hoped he wasn’t going to ask you what you knew he was thinking about, but then he did.

 

“Did you and Negan…” Daryl paused, struggling to get the words out, “Did ya… sleep with him?”

 

Tears welled up in your eyes. You couldn’t lie to him, but you couldn’t look at him.

 

“Yes,” you barely muttered out.

 

“Did he force himself on ya?” Daryl said hopefully.

 

“No. I said yes to it,” you admitted, “I told you he wasn’t a bad person! He would never force himself on someone like that. Doesn’t that make you feel better about him?”

 

“It makes it worse that ya were willin’ to be with someone like him.” Daryl stormed off and slammed the door.

 

Morgan came in a little while later to pick up your plate. He looked at you in a way that no one had since you’d been back. You could tell he felt sorry for you. Morgan was alone for once, and you saw a perfect opportunity.

 

“What they’re doing is wrong. I can tell you see that.” You watched as Morgan turned back around to face your cell.

 

“You’re one of us. You shouldn’t be locked in that cell,” Morgan replied.

 

“I agree. I’m being kept as a prisoner because I believe in the good in Negan.”

 

Morgan looked down. He seemed to be trying to process too much information in his mind.

 

“You and I both know that good people can do bad things. Negan really is a good person. I’ve seen it. Yes, he has done bad things, but haven’t we all?” you spoke to Morgan.

 

Morgan approached the cell, and you could see that you were starting to get through to him.

 

“Morgan, do you remember when Rick held that meeting in the church and told us about the Saviors? You and I wanted to talk to Negan first and work something out. We didn’t want to kill anyone. Rick didn’t want to listen, and he insisted we kill them all. All Negan did is retaliate against an attack. We would’ve done no different.”

 

“I understand both sides of the situation. No one is right and no one is wrong here, but what is wrong is for you to be kept against your will.” Morgan looked over the cell that he had built himself.

 

“You know, I built this hoping that it would help someone, like it helped me. I was lost, and all it took was someone giving me a chance to be good again. I think that’s what Negan needs. He doesn’t deserve to die. He can be saved, and I think you’ll be the one to help him.” Morgan gave you a small smile, before he left the room.

 

You had hoped he would let you out, but here you were... alone again. You wondered what Negan was doing at this exact moment. You didn’t realize how much you enjoyed being around him until he was gone.

 

* * *

 

 

Negan needed to have you back, but every time his men tried to attack, they were taken out by the tiger that now guarded Alexandria.

 

Negan felt stupid. He was doing this all over a girl who didn’t even want to be one of his wives. He tried to forget you when he had sex with his wives, but he felt nothing for them. Negan felt empty without you.  _ Even more empty than he had already felt. _

 

“They all fucking think this is all about Rick, or the damn tiger. They don’t even know this is all about her!” Negan confided in Simon.

 

“I know, Negan. It’s okay. I promise you, we will get her back,” Simon reassured him.

 

“We haven’t fucking succeed so far! How much longer do I gotta fuckin’ wait?!” Negan sighed.

 

“We sent dumbassess so far. We just need a better plan.” Simon was trying desperately to raise Negan’s spirits.

 

Simon watched as Negan took another sip of his beer. He looked defeated and more agitated than usual. He figured that Negan needed something else to ease his mind.

 

Simon rose from his seat on Negan’s couch, “Do you want me to bring you Amber tonight?!”

 

“No, I don’t want her. I don’t want any of them anymore.” Negan closed his eyes and sighed, “They’re a distraction from what I really want.”

 

“What are ya saying to me right now?” Simon shook his head.

 

“The wives. I don’t want them anymore,” Negan huffed, “Get rid of them.”

 

“Ya mean...” Simon made a cutting noise and pretended to slice his neck.

 

Negan’s eyes grew wide, “Fuck no, Simon! God damn! Set them up with a shit ton of points, and get them new rooms far from me. But don’t fucking kill anyone!”

 

“Oh right.” Simon nodded.

 

“You’re fuckin’ twisted man.” Negan chuckled.

 

Simon left Negan and headed down to the wives rooms to let them know they were no longer needed. Negan leaned back on his couch, closing his eyes and sighing. He wondered what you were doing right now, and wondered if you even wanted to come back.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that night, you heard the sound of keys jingling in the darkness. The door opened and Morgan came in, sneaking over to the cell.

 

You didn’t know what to think at first. Was he actually about to free you?

 

Morgan smiled at you as he used the keys to unlock your cell. He grabbed your arm and lead you out of the house. He carefully took you to the front gate. No one was on guard, and you figured it was because Morgan was on duty tonight.

 

“When you find Negan, end this. Find a way to make peace.” Morgan handed you a small bag with food and your old axe.

 

“Thank you.” You gave him a tight hug.

 

“Watch out for Shiva.” Morgan squeezed your shoulder.

 

You nod, and make your way out of the Alexandria fence.

 

You didn’t want to be caught by anyone from home, and you didn’t want to cross paths with an angry Shiva. You were convinced that Rick had already sat down with her and some flashcards, training her to eat you if caught. You went in a new direction that you hadn’t explored yet. There were plenty of abandoned farmhouses this way, and you hoped you’d find a car to get working. Especially since this would take you a bit farther away from the Sanctuary.

 

It was very dark and you ran quickly through the woods. You could hear the low growls of walkers around you, and knew you couldn't afford to stop. It wasn't long before you realized that you were so incredibly lost. You didn't even know which direction you were going anymore. You stopped to dig inside your bag, carefully listening to the shuffling noises around you. You were happy to feel the cool metal of a flashlight, and pulled it out. When you clicked it on, you were shocked to see the amount of dead around you.  _ You were surrounded. _

 

There was no way you'd be able to run past them without getting bit. They began to get attracted to the flashlight. You held up your axe, ready to go down with a fight.

 

You swung your axe into the head of an oncoming walker, pulling it out quickly to slice into the next. You kept swinging and swinging. Piles of dead lay around you, and you could see more approaching as an idea hit you. You slammed the axe into the walker at your feet, over and over again. You bent down and pulled out its blood, sliding the sick scent all over you, and making sure you were thoroughly covered in blood and guts. The next herd of walkers approached, and it was as if you weren’t even there. You forgot that they were still attracted to the flashlight and quickly shut it off. You took a moment to allow your eyes to adjust to the darkness before you began to walk. It wasn't long before you left the woods and were in a large field. You now had enough moonlight to light the way. You were still lost, and you had never explored this area before. You could see a farmhouse off into the distance, and hoped there would be a car with gas in it. You needed to get to a familiar road so that you could make your way back to the Sanctuary.

 

You approached the fence and read the sign in front of it, “St. John’s Dairy Farm.”

 

You spotted a car in the driveway, and moved to place your hand on the fence. Suddenly, a voice startled you from behind, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry about being left on that cliffhanger... Another chapter has already been written! I'll have it up in a week!


	23. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The people you met at the farm are hiding a dark secret. You begin to question your choice to go back to Negan.

You held up your axe and turned to the man standing behind you. He threw up his hands defensively, “Hey now! I mean you no harm! Can’t you hear the fence?”

You listened to the light hum coming from the fence. It was buzzing with electricity. This stranger had just saved you from electrocuting yourself.

“Wow. Thank you for warning me.” You looked at him suspiciously.

“Do you need food? I can turn off the fence and you can come inside! There are others in the house. We’d be happy to help you! You need some help, by the look of it.” He smiled at you as you stood there covered in blood and guts.

You were still suspicious of him, but he had just saved you. Maybe they’d be willing to give you the car if you promised to bring them supplies from the Sanctuary. Negan surely would agree to rewarding them.

You nodded and he raised a walkie to his mouth, “Turn off the fence. We got a guest.”

He grinned at you while he waited for the fence to turn off. Something about the grin made you feel uneasy. The fence stopped humming, and he tossed a stick against it to be sure that it was off before touching it. He motioned for you to follow him through the gate and up to the house. The inside of the house was lit by multiple lanterns. He led you to a dining room where a small group of people were seated. Their eyes widened as you walked into the room, and you realized how crazy you must’ve looked, covered in walker blood.

“Sorry, I’ve had a rough night,” you apologized.

“No, don’t apologize! Sit!” A woman patted the seat next to her.

You sat down and she placed a plate of food in front of you. Your stomach growled and you began to pick at the meat.

“My name is Brenda. The fella that brought you in is Danny,” she began pointing to the rest of the people seated around the table, “Andrew, Terry, and Mac.”

You introduced yourself and began to eat more of the food given to you. It seemed too good to be true that you ran into these people. They agreed to let you borrow their car after you promised that the Sanctuary would reward them. You were grateful, but couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling inside you.

“I’m very grateful that you guys were here when I arrived. Your food and car were just what I needed to get home.” You smiled.

Mac smiled at me, “Those who arrive, survive.”

You had heard those words before. You became fixated on them. Where had you heard that phrase?

“What was that?” you asked, as you tried to put the pieces together.

“Those who arrive, survive. It was the motto for our old community,” Terry answered.

“Tell me more about Alexandria,” Danny spoke up.

You knew you hadn’t mentioned the name of your community to them. Somehow they knew where you had come from.

“I really should be on my way back now,” you muttered, as you stood up from your seat.

“You’re not going anywhere, girl,” Terry growled, before he punched you, knocking you unconscious.

* * *

“Negan!” Simon shouted, as he burst through Negan’s bedroom door. Jamie followed behind him.

Negan jumped up from the couch where he had fallen asleep. He clutched his chest and a slew of curse words came out of his mouth.

“Sorry! The guys came back from spying on Alexandria. Apparently, they started searching outside the gates and someone heard them say something about a girl escaping,” Simon reported.

“It’s gotta be her!” Jamie smiled, “We gotta find her before they do!”

“I feel like she would’ve shown up by now. I figure she probably stayed away from the main road. She coulda gotten lost in the woods,” Simon sighed.

“Shit! Okay, let’s gather up the best we got and look for her!” Negan grabbed Lucille and looked outside his window at how dark it was tonight.

“I’ll get ready.” Jamie turned and started to limp towards the door.

“Not with that leg!” Simon pointed down to the bandaged up bullet wound from where Sasha had shot him.

“I’ve gotta help! I will be fine, I promise!” Jamie pleaded.

“No, and that’s the fucking end of it,” Negan orders Jamie, and goes off to gather up his men to help him search for you.

“Listen, bud,” Simon pats Jamie’s shoulder, “You gotta let that leg properly heal!”

“I have been! I’m fine, really!” Jamie tried to convince him.

“Alright. Pretend you gotta run from a dead person, or shit, maybe the tiger is coming after you! Go ahead. Try to run!” Simon gestured to the floor in front of him.

Jamie attempted to run, but it was more of a hop and a limp with his leg. Simon smirked as he tried to hold in a laugh. Before he could speak, Jamie cut him off.

“I’ll stay inside the truck. I promise!” Jamie tried pleading more.

“You are a liar, and I am not falling for it. This is too big for you to take on. Go relax. I’ll come get you when we bring her back.” Simon walked outside the room to prepare for the run.

Jamie wasn’t going to be able to take no for an answer. Maybe he couldn’t run, but he could walk and hold a gun. He wasn’t going to take this order to stay from Negan, even if Simon would get angry at him for it. All he had to do was sneak onto a truck and he’d take care of himself.

Jamie quickly made his way back to his room and looked over his maps. He needed to pinpoint exactly where you would’ve headed after escaping Alexandria, and he knew just where to start.

* * *

You were still sitting at the dining room table when the morning light woke you up. You immediately noticed you were now strapped to the chair. A new person was at the table as well. You recognized him from the Sanctuary, but you were not sure what his name was. He was bleeding really bad, and you noticed part of his arm was bandaged up. He looked half dead… and half eaten.

“You know that the meat tastes better when it’s been under stress? You can taste it on the skin.” Brenda licked her lips as she placed a plate of what looked like bacon on the table.

“Oh, this here is Mark! He is from one of those communities you mentioned.”

“He smells delicious!” Terry pulled a piece of bacon off the table and groaned as he slipped it into his mouth, “Tastes even better than he smells!”

“Mark is breakfast, but tonight we are having her sweetness!” Andrew pointed a knife at you.

He slid his knife across your skin. He pricked it so slightly, but still enough to draw blood. His knife trailed down your cleavage, and down to your pants. He circled the tip of the blade over your inner thigh.

“You know what I think makes the meat taste even better?” Andrew whispered into your ear, “When it’s fucked just before cooking. Makes it taste really sweet.”

You spit in his face and he kicked the chair to the floor. You were trying to free your hands from the rope when Andrew picked up your head and slammed it back down to the ground. Your head pulsated with pain and you felt dizzy. He began untying the rope and pulled you to stand up. You felt out of it and couldn’t stand straight.

“Well, if you’re gonna do it, then take her in the other room.” Brenda rolled her eyes.

Andrew started to drag you down the hall to his bedroom on the first floor. He threw you down and slammed his door shut. He grabbed you and tried to force you over to his bed, but you felt a burst of energy and tried to kick him off you. You still felt weak and dizzy, and he was too strong for you to fight off. You let out a loud scream, and suddenly heard the front door burst open.

From inside Andrew’s room, all you could hear was the sound of gunshots. Andrew suddenly picked you up and held the knife to your throat. The handle to the door began to move, but the door was locked. Suddenly, the door was kicked open.

“Drop your fucking gun, or I’ll slice her neck open!” Andrew yelled.

You look up to to see Jamie standing in front of you with his gun raised. He looked like he was in pain, and you wondered how healed his leg was from his gunshot wound from Sasha.

You could feel the blade pierce into your neck and blood start to drip out. Jamie slightly shifted his gun and fired. Andrew’s grip on you loosened, and he fell to the floor with a bullet to the head. As his body fell, the blade slightly sliced your neck. Even though the cut wasn’t too deep, it still began bleeding heavily. Jamie grabs you and rips a piece of his shirt, placing it to your neck; your red blood pooled into the white fabric. Jamie dragged you out of the bedroom and through the dining room. You looked down at the bodies of the people on the floor, all shot by Jamie.

“Let’s get you home.” Jamie hugged you as he led you out of the house.

He limped down the dirt path to the fence with you on his arm. You noticed he was in a lot of pain, and he was alone with no car.

“Jamie, you shouldn’t be walking on that leg!” You looked at him concerned.

“I’m fine. We just gotta get to the road and hope one of the trucks find us quickly.” Jamie looked at his surroundings, trying to remember which direction the road was.

“Why is no one else with you? Did you look for me alone? Did Negan allow you to go on a run with no backup in this condition?”

“Wow. You ask a lot of questions! How about a  _‘Hey, thanks for saving me, Jamie!’_?” Jamie leaned against the gate to take a break.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “You’ve been hanging around Negan too much. You’re starting to sound like him!”

“Alright, listen. We found out you escaped, and I wanted to help find you, but Negan said no. So yeah, I might have snuck out of the Sanctuary against Negan’s orders. No big deal,” Jamie confessed.   
  


“Well, look at this badass over here!” you laughed.

“Yeah, maybe it will impress Simon!” Jamie grinned.

“Don’t hold your breath on that one,” you shot back.

Jamie stood up straight and held out his hand to you, “Come on, I think the road’s that way.”

* * *

It took quite a bit of walking before you and Jamie reached the road. He had started limping worse and was now sweating from the pain as well. You started to feel really lightheaded from the blood loss. You both sat on the edge of the road to take a break, when suddenly you could hear a truck coming. You hoped it was the Saviors. You couldn’t imagine Jamie being one of Alexandria’s prisoners in his condition.

“Jamie, what the hell?!” Simon jumped out of his truck.

Jamie grinned, “I did it! I found her!”

Simon looked at Jamie and you. Both of you were in pretty bad shape. You knew that by the way Jamie had been limping that he had hurt his leg more.

“I can see that. We told you to stay home, Jamie!” Simon sighed, looking down at Jamie’s leg.

“Well, I did find her! I’m okay, really. My heart’s still beating, and that’s all that matters!” Jamie winked at you.

Simon helped you and Jamie into his truck before hopping in the driver’s seat. He pulled up his walkie to call off the search, “Negan, I’ve got her. Bringing her home now.”

The lightheaded feeling had finally took over, and you passed out from the loss of blood.

* * *

Simon’s truck pulled into the Sanctuary gates, and Jamie started to try to shake you awake. Your eyes felt heavy and your body cold. Simon got out and pulled you into his arms to carry you in.

“Someone go tell Eugene to be ready to treat her!” Simon shouted at the group gathered outside the factory.

Jamie attempted to rush inside, “I’ll go get him.”

“Jamie, sit the fuck down! You gotta rest that leg!” Simon ordered him.

Negan’s truck came screeching down the road and pulled into the gates. He ran over to Simon, and you were handed over to him.

“She’s lost a lot of blood. I already had someone go get Eugene prepared.” Simon gave Jamie a hand and helped him inside.

Negan looked down at you passed out in his arms, “Send Eugene to my room. I want her to be comfortable.”

* * *

You wake up in Negan’s bed, feeling much better than you did earlier. Negan sat next to you, propped up against the headboard. His eyes were closed, and you noticed an IV in his arm, connecting to yours. Eugene watched over you both. He began removing the IV when he realized you were awake.

“That ‘oughta be good enough. You might wanna take it a bit easy, sir.” Eugene took the rest of his supplies and left the room.

Negan slid down on the bed and turned to face you. His hand brushed against your cheek and tucked your hair behind your ear. His hand trailed down the the bandage around your neck. He lightly ran his fingers along it and sighed.

“I wish Jamie didn’t go all kamikaze at that farmhouse so I could’ve taught those assholes a lesson.”

You gave Negan a soft smile. His fingertips moved up your neck and to your lips.

“Tell me, doll,” Negan shifted closer, “Did you fucking miss me as much as I missed you?” He leaned in and kissed you.

You held the kiss for a moment before pulling away, “You locked me in this room. You lied to me.”

“I told you I’d fucking make it up to you. And I’ll start right the fuck now.” Negan smirked.

“Eugene said to take it easy,” you reminded him.

Negan kisses you and you give in. He began pulling your body against him. His hand ran down your back and up your shirt. He moved slowly as he undressed you. This time with Negan was different. He took his time and was very slow with his movements. Something about it felt more special than what you experienced before. He made sure to not be too rough as you were both more fragile than usual. When he finished, he laid beside you, holding you as you both fell asleep.

* * *

You woke up in the middle of the night. Your mind was racing, and you were starting to feel sick from it.  _What were you doing?_ You realized you had been blocking out the bad that Negan had done, and only focused on yourself and your own needs. Your mind kept flashing to the disappointment from Maggie, the hurt from Daryl, and the determination Rick had to kill Negan. You may have been pissed at them for keeping you prisoner, but could you really blame them? Here you were sleeping with Negan. The same person that cared for you and made love to you, also killed your friends.  _People you considered family._  If it wasn’t for a tiger jumping out, Carl would be dead.

You got up out of bed and slipped your clothes back on. You walked over to the window and stared outside, you were trying to wrap your mind around what you were doing with your life. Negan shuffled in bed and looked up at you as you stood by the window.

“Come back to bed,” he sleepily spoke.

As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t. You were realizing that the choice you made was a huge mistake.


	24. The New Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You come to a realization about Negan, causing you to distance yourself from him.

You weren’t coming back to bed, and Negan could tell something was wrong. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and quickly walked over to you. His large arms wrapped around you from behind, but you pulled away.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Negan looked at you with concern in his eyes.

You struggled to find the right words to start with; there was a lot wrong. You had a lot on your mind, and you desperately needed answers.

“Why did you lock me in the room?” you asked him again, this time not willing to back down.

Negan tilted his head and let out a deep sigh. You could tell he was going to avoid the question again.

“If you’re not going to answer me, then I have to come up with your answer myself! Want to know what I think?” You didn’t give Negan time to respond before you continued, “I think you locked me in this room because you were planning on fighting when you got to Alexandria. I don’t think you were trying to protect me from the fight. You just didn’t want me in the way when you tried to kill my friends!”

Negan looked at you slightly shocked. He wasn’t expecting you to bring up shit that happened three weeks ago. He didn’t know how to answer to calm you down. He was afraid the truth might make you hate him.

“I wasn’t planning on fucking hurting anyone! That shit was not my fault! We had to defend ourselves against them! They had a goddamn tiger, for fucks sake!” Negan argued.

“Bullshit!” You were livid. Negan not answering you was one thing, but to lie to your face was something you weren’t willing to put up with.

You pushed Negan aside and walked alongside the bed, picking up your jeans and shirt. Negan yanked your arm and spun you around.

“I’m telling you the fucking truth! I had no plans on fighting when I went there!” Negan continued to lie.

You glared up at him, “You understand you’re making this worse by lying?”

“You weren’t there in the beginning of the fight. You didn’t see the shit that went down. The tiger fucking changed everything,” Negan growled.

You squinted your eyes at him, “Oh, you mean the tiger that jumped out right before you tried to bash in Carl’s skull?”

Negan realized he was caught in his lie. He didn’t have an excuse. At least not one you’d be willing to accept.

“Answer this one for me. After you killed Carl, what did you plan to do to Rick and everyone else? What did you plan on telling me when you got back?” You looked at Negan and waited for his answer, but he continued to stare with a blank expression.

You rolled your eyes as you turned and continued walking towards the door.

“Where the fuck are you going?” Negan shouted.

“To my room. I can’t stay in here.” You ripped the door open so fast that it hit the wall.

“You don’t have your own fucking room anymore! This is your room!” Negan shouted again as he followed you.

“Then I’ll stay with Jamie tonight.” You slammed the door in his face before he could argue.

* * *

You walked down the hallway feeling a lot of different emotions. You had been missing Negan for so long, but now you were thinking with a clear head. You may have experienced a different side to Negan, but he was still the same monster that killed Glenn and Abraham. You had been making excuses for him, thinking he did it to get back at the group from attacking his outpost and killing his men. Maybe that wasn’t the only reason. Was it possible that Negan liked causing pain for the fun of it? You remembered how Eugene got his promotion to doctor of the Sanctuary. It happened because Negan threw Carson into the furnace, burning him alive. Attempting to kill Carl was something you couldn’t get passed. Carl was someone you would do anything to protect. You didn’t even know if Judith would be safe around Negan.

You reached Jamie’s door and knocked quietly, trying not to wake up the whole floor. Jamie opened the door slowly, shocked to see you standing there.

“What are you doing? It’s late.” Jamie rubbed his tired eyes.

“Can I stay here tonight?” You entered the room, assuming his answer would be yes.

You got into his bed and pulled the blanket over your body. It was a colder night and you needed the warmth after your long walk from Negan’s room.

“Oh sure. Just make yourself at home. I wasn’t using that bed or anything,” Jamie huffed.

“Stop being a big baby. There is plenty of room to share!” You smiled at him and patted the bed next to you.

You remembered how not too long ago Negan would’ve lost his shit if you slept in Jamie’s bed. It had seemed like you were brought to the Sanctuary as a prisoner. You missed the days when he tried to prove he was nice. He wanted you to see him differently so badly. Jamie jumped in bed and pulled the blanket over himself, nuzzling his nose in the comforter.

“So…” Jamie began, “Trouble in paradise?”

“A whole lot of red flags, that’s for sure. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to believe he changed. It’s like I convinced myself that he was more good than bad.” You sighed heavily, covering your face with your palms.

“He has changed. Maybe not as much as you thought he did, but he’s definitely not the same man he was before you came here. You’ve made a huge impact on him.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at that last part, “I doubt that.”

“No, really. You didn’t see how he was while you were gone. It was like he was a broken man. And the way he looked at you when he carried you back to his room, you can just tell.”

“Tell what?” You turned to Jamie.

“He loves you,” Jamie replied with a smile.

You didn’t believe it. You didn’t think Negan could love anyone, especially when he had multiple wives.

You quickly changed the subject, “What happened to Mark back at the farm?”

“Oh, uh, Simon went back to get him. He said Mark had turned. Must’ve died from blood loss from those freaks cutting into him,” Jamie sighed, “Simon put him down.”

“Poor guy. He was eaten alive by the living and not the dead. I never knew we’d have to fear that.”

If it wasn’t for Jamie, that would have been your fate. You’d forever be grateful to him for it. You felt the bandage around your neck from the cut. You were relieved that your injury was very minor.

“Yeah, Amber is pretty torn up about it.” Jamie sat up and reached over to his nightstand for his bottle of pain pills.

“Amber’s upset?” You raised your brows.

“Well yeah. Mark was her boyfriend before she was with Negan. Actually, they still snuck around,” Jamie admitted while he took his medication.

Jamie nestled back into bed, shoving you over a bit to give himself more room. You were going to have to find a new room tomorrow. You wondered how you would find your assignment for the day.

“I can’t believe Negan gave away my room. Where did he expect me to sleep?!” You shoved Jamie back, who was persistent on hogging up the bed.

“I know the wives have their own rooms close to Negan, but I figured you’d be staying in his room from now on.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m not one of the wives.”

“No, you’re not one of the wives,” Jamie agreed, “You’re the  _only_ wife.”

Your eyes grew wide, “What do you mean _only_ wife?”

“Negan got rid of all his wives. He wanted you, and only you.”

“I bet he’s regretting that now!” you huffed.

Jamie let a small laugh slip before he drifted off to sleep. You thought leaving Negan’s room would help clear your mind, but now you laid in Jamie’s bed feeling even more confused. Negan was willing to give up all his wives for you, but that didn’t mean he’d be loyal to you forever. At anytime he could bring new wives in. There was also the fact that you’d never be able to trust that he wouldn’t kill someone you cared about. It was a dangerous thing being with Negan, but what scared you the most was that you had allowed yourself to fall in love with a man like him.

* * *

You woke up the next day in the late morning hours. Jamie was already gone. You looked outside his door to see that he was scheduled to be working the armory today. Jamie must’ve moved on up the Savior chain while you were gone. You didn’t feel like asking anyone what your assignment was. You already knew the answer would be to talk to Negan, which meant he didn’t want you working. So you decided you’d force yourself a job assignment. You got dressed in the same clothes you had on the previous night and headed down to the kitchen. You always liked working in there, and it would be a good place to hide from Negan.

Entering the kitchen, you noticed Anne hard at work. She was surprised to see you; her eyes immediately focused on the bandage around your neck.

“What are you doing in here?” she asked.

“Can I help in the kitchen today? I didn’t get an assignment, and I like working in here.”

“Uh, Negan’s wi-” Anne began speaking, but you cut her off.

“Please. Save it. I shouldn’t have even asked. I’m telling you that I’ll be helping in the kitchen today.” You crossed your arms and glared at Anne.

“Okay! That’s fine. Everyone else is outside picking vegetables right now. I’ll go into the cafeteria to collect the dishes. You can scrub the oatmeal off these pots.” Anne pointed to the mess covering the stove.

You weren’t thrilled of the idea of working with Anne. You knew she’d try to pull information out of you. It only took you about thirty minutes to clean up the kitchen. At the same time, the staff came back into the kitchen with tons of vegetables. An attractive guy that you had never seen before made eye contact with you as he placed a crate of vegetables on the counter.

“Are you new?” He smiled at you.

“No, I’ve just been away for a few weeks.” You examined the food he placed on the counter.

“My name is Corey! Been here about two weeks now.” He held his hand out to shake yours.

You introduced yourself and noticed Anne was watching the interaction take place. You didn’t want this to get back to Negan because you knew he would get jealous like he did with Jamie. You let your expression turn cold and ordered Corey to wash and cut the vegetables. You had an idea of what you could put on the food, but you weren’t sure if you had everything in the pantry. You approached Anne and offered to do inventory. She smirked at you as she handed you a notepad and pen.

“I think Corey likes you. He looked at you like Jamie does.”

She was already reading into the situation and prepared to cause drama. That wasn’t something you needed to deal with right now. Negan alone brought enough drama into your life. You wondered how shocked Anne would be if she found out you weren’t Jamie’s type.

“Anne, I just met the guy. Don’t start unnecessary drama, and don’t bring Jamie into this.”

She followed you to the pantry, fully intending to get more information out of you. You both stopped at the door when you heard whistling in the cafeteria.

_Negan was on his way to the kitchen._

You looked at Anne with wide eyes and then looked at everyone in the kitchen, “No one tell him I’m in here.”

The whistling got louder, and you watched as they all kneeled. Anne looked you in the eyes as you backed up into the pantry and slightly closed the door. You remained quiet as you listened to Negan enter the kitchen.

You could hear Negan asking if anyone had seen you. Anne immediately answered, “She’s in the pantry.”

Damn. You should have known that Anne can’t keep a secret.

You quickly made yourself look busy taking notes when Negan pulled open the pantry door. You kept your back to him and heard him say in a serious but soft tone, “We need to talk.”

“I’m busy working,” you replied coldly.

Negan entered the small pantry and shut the door, closing all space between you. “Darlin’, you’re not punching a fucking time clock anymore. We’re talking now.”

You rolled your eyes, “Fine. I want my room back.”

“Your room is my room, and you can’t sleep with Jamie tonight. That was a one time fucking exception. Shit, I half expected you to come back last night,” Negan chuckled, not realizing how serious you were.

“I need my own room. I didn’t even know what job assignment I had today so I had to volunteer myself here.” You began writing on the notepad, trying to avoid eye contact with Negan.

“You don’t work.” Negan grabbed the pen and notepad from you, forcing you to turn to look at him.

“Are we really going to have this discussion again?” You folded your arms across your chest.

“This isn’t a fucking discussion. It’s an order.” Negan scowled.

“I don’t like to be ordered to do shit I didn’t sign up for.” You backed up as much as you could, feeling the shelves hit your back. You didn’t want to have this discussion now. You just wanted to go into your own private room and hide. You weren’t ready to deal with your Negan problems today.

“Is it really that big of a fucking deal that I don’t want you working your ass off for points? I can treat you like a queen! You’d have everything you could ask for,” Negan argued.

“I don’t want to be a wife,” you said sternly.

“You wouldn’t just be any wife. You’d be my only wife. I gave them up for you.” Negan spoke softer now, moving closer to you.

“I didn’t ask you to do that!” You shook your head.

“You didn’t have to. I didn’t want them anymore.” Negan moved in closer.

“So how long until I’m just like them? Tossed away like I’m nothing?”

“That would never happen. You’re different.” Negan put his arm around you and nuzzled his face in your neck.

“You know what I think? You’re full of shit!” You shoved him back.

“God damn it! Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated with you?! We were fine one moment, and the next you’re storming out of my room in the middle of the fucking night!”

“I’ve been thinking with a clear head. I don’t believe you can handle not having all your wives. And I can’t live with the fact that you’d kill my friends, my family, on the spot if you saw them.”

Negan sighed and stepped closer, “I have been thinking with a clear head too, doll. I tossed those wives away cause I didn’t need them anymore. I need you, I lo-”

You quickly cut Negan off as you glared up at him, “If Carl, or Rick, or anyone else from Alexandria was in front of you right now, how fast would you slam Lucille onto their head?”

Negan backed up against the door and sighed again. “Doll, look… I made a mistake. I really don’t want to hurt you anymore. This was three weeks ago, and in the moment, yes I wanted to kill them. Being without you for those three weeks made me worried that you had chose to stay and hated me. I’m afraid of losing you. I will do everything I can to prove to you that I’m no fucking monster, but I ain’t a fucking saint either.”

His eyes looked incredibly sad, and for a moment you felt bad for him. Maybe he was changing, and he just needed your help. Your mind wandered back to Morgan when he set you free,  _“He can be saved, and I think you’ll be the one to help him.”_

You walked towards Negan and put your hand on his arm, “There need to be rules.” Negan nodded for you to continue, “I am not a wife. I will have my own room, and I will have regular job assignments.”

“I don’t fucking like this.” Negan scowled.

“I don’t care. These are my terms.” You stepped back and shrugged your shoulders, “Or else I don’t want to stay here at all.”

“Fine, you’re not my wife. But you’re still staying in my room. And no to the job assignments.”

“Negan…” You tilted your head back and closed your eyes in frustration.

Negan looked down at you as you scolded him.

“Is this a fucking negotiation?” Negan raised his voice, “Damn it, fine. You won’t be my wife. You can have have your own room, but it will be the empty room right next to mine. I need you as close as fucking possible.”

“And my job?” you added.

Negan tapped his fingers on the shelves as he thought. “How about this: you only work the kitchen for dinner. I don’t want you getting up at the asscrack of dawn to work. Deal?”

“Fine.” This was the best you were going to get out of him, but at least it was something.

Negan moved in closer, brushing your hair back with his gloved hand. He stared at you intensely like he was examining every inch of your face. It was as if he was trying to memorize every feature. His mouth curved into a mischievous grin as he stared down at your lips.

“Wanna seal the deal with a kiss?” His grin grew wider, making his teeth shine.

You rolled your eyes at his corny line, and quickly pecked his lips.

“Is that all I get?” Negan frowned, trying to bring your lips back to his.

“Take it or leave it.” You shrugged and continued working on your inventory notes.

Negan began turning the door handle, but stopped as he spoke over his shoulder. “One more thing. Since you’ll be working the dinner shift in the kitchen… that means you’ll have a very important job.”

You turned to Negan and furrowed your brows.

Negan smirked before continuing, “Bring me my dinner every night.”

You quickly realized this was probably the only reason he agreed to you working in the kitchen. You did kind of miss the days when you brought him his dinner and he tried to befriend you.

“I assume you’ll be wanting me to eat with you as well?”

“Of course, doll.” Negan swung open the door and entered the busy kitchen.

Everyone immediately kneeled and you watched as he whistled out the door with his men. The kitchen staff resumed their tasks and you made your way over to the vegetables to help cut them up. Corey startled you when he placed his hand on your shoulder.

“You okay?” He looked at you nervously.

“Oh yeah, that was nothing. Everything’s fine,” you assured him.

“We heard a lot of arguing. I thought maybe you got in trouble.” Corey still had his hand on your shoulder.

It was an innocent and friendly interaction, but you couldn’t ignore the fact that Anne was looking at the two of you. She was  _smiling_. It was as if she had just stumbled upon the biggest gossip the Sanctuary had to offer.

* * *

Negan had been counting down the hours until dinner time. You’d be in his room soon, and he couldn’t wait. He had made so much progress with you and then it almost seemed like he had lost your trust. He was going to have to do major damage control and be extra nice from now on.

“Negan,” Simon’s voice came through on the walkie, “We got a situation outside.”

Negan sat down on his couch and groaned, “Can you fucking handle it?”

“No, you need to see this.” Simon sounded amused.

Negan sighed, “This better be fucking worth missing dinner.” Negan got up and grabbed Lucille as he headed out his door.

The cool night air hit his face as he exited the factory doors. Negan made his way to the main gate where Simon was. He could see as he approached that someone was kneeling on the ground with a bag over their head.

“Who the fuck is this?” Negan asked.

“An intruder we found outside the fence… trying to sneak in.” Simon answered with a grin.

“Again? Shit, people sure love trying to break into the fucking Sanctuary lately!” Negan chuckled as he ripped the bag off.

Negan grinned as he stared down at who it was.

“Well, would you look at that!”


	25. Sweet Little Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan struggles to hide his secret prisoner from you. Negan becomes possessive when he catches you spending time with Corey.

You stood outside of Negan’s door with a tray of food. If you wanted to work in the kitchen, then he was going to force you to do this. Having dinner with him every night would be a small price to pay.

 

You entered the dimly lit room and was surprised to see that Negan wasn't waiting for you. This was strange since he was so persistent on you being on time. He was a very busy man so something must've come up. You were hungry, but forced yourself to wait. He could be back any minute, but he wasn’t. Almost an hour had gone by and Negan hadn't come to the room. You stared at the tray of now cold food and decided you wouldn't wait any longer. You began scarfing down your plate of food and got about halfway through the dish when Negan finally entered the room.

 

He had a huge grin on his face as he sat down across from you, “Did you really fucking start without me?! Where are your manners?”

 

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “My manners? You're the one that's late for dinner! I was starving!”

 

“Starving? I doubt that. I had shit to deal with that couldn't wait.” Another smile formed on Negan’s face and you wondered what he had been up to.

 

“What happened?!”

 

“Not important.” Negan began shoving food in his mouth. He was hiding something important from you, and you’d make it your priority to find out tomorrow.  

 

“Yeah well I don't want to be waiting around every night.” You crossed your arms and leaned back on the couch.

 

“You will wait if I fucking tell you to wait! Don’t be showing up late either. You know I hate that shit!” Negan mumbled through his stuffed mouth. “Fuck doll, you know, I forgot how good of a cook you are!” Negan savored his next bite, slowly pulling his fork from his lips. “Wife material,” he pointed his fork at you and winked.

 

You glared at him. He knew he was pressing your buttons by mentioning you being a wife.

 

“What's for dessert?” Negan tried to break the tension building in the room.

 

“There wasn't any dessert tonight,” you continued to glare.

 

“I can think of something special just for me to eat.” Negan smirked and looked over your body.

 

You rolled your eyes and sighed, “Really Negan?”

 

“What can I say? I got a craving for you!” Negan leaned forward, biting his bottom lip.

 

“I’m ready to go to bed,” you yawned and noticed Negan grinning, “No you can’t join me.”

 

“Fine,” Negan sighed, “But I’ll walk you to your room.”

 

Negan eagerly followed you next door to your room. He stood close behind you as you opened the door, stepping in the doorway to prevent you for closing it on him.

 

“Do I get a kiss goodnight?” Negan lightly tapped his lips with his leather glove.

 

You reached up and kissed Negan’s lips softly. His arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer against him.

 

“Goodnight, Negan.” You smiled as you pulled away from his grasp.

 

_Negan enjoyed being around you, but he couldn’t get his new prisoner off his mind. He swung Lucille over his shoulder as he headed down to the cells. He wasn’t sure what kind of punishment he was going to give or how long he would be able to keep this from you. If he had it his way, you’d never find out._

 

_He entered the cell containing his new prisoner, “I hope you got your shitting pants on.”_

 

_The prisoner looked up at Negan, showing no fear. Negan chuckled at this act of defiance. He leaned down to be face to face with his new pet. It was an attempt of intimidation, but it still didn’t seem to be working._

 

_“Yeah, I’ll eventually have you shitting your pants…” Negan chuckled._

* * *

 

You were sitting in the infirmary having Eugene tend to your almost healed wound around your neck. You hadn’t seen Negan all morning, and you were glad he was giving you some distance.

 

“What’s on your mind?” Eugene looked at you with concern.

 

“It’s no big deal,” you hung your head.

 

“It apparently is a big deal to you. Just tell me and perhaps I can be of some help.” Eugene said matter-of-factly.

 

“ _Well…_ I like Negan giving me distance. _I really do…_ ” you trailed off.

 

“ _But…_ ” Eugene urged you to continue.  

 

“He was late to dinner last night. I just don’t understand with how persistent he was for me to agree to this arrangement we have. I want to know what he was doing, but I know he’d never tell me.” You looked at Eugene for answers, hoping he knew what Negan was hiding.

 

“I don’t know anything on the matter. Perhaps Jamie does.”

 

“Yeah, maybe. Anyway, thanks for changing my bandage!”

 

“Happy to be of service to you.” Eugene nodded.

 

You quickly left the infirmary and began walking around in search of Jamie. You heard Simon’s laugh and knew Jamie had to be nearby. You entered one of the Sanctuary’s rec rooms and saw Simon enjoying a beer with a group of Saviors. Your eyes scanned the room, and sure enough in the corner sat Jamie.

 

“Gotcha!” You smirked as you approached him.

 

“Hey what’s up?” Jamie smiled, keeping his eyes focused across the room.

 

“What was Negan up to last night?” You cut to the chase.

 

“Negan? No clue. I don’t keep tabs on him. That’s your problem. But I know Simon was patrolling the gate last night.” Jamie winked.

 

“Of course you would know that!” you teased.

 

“Hey what’s that supposed to mean?!”

 

“Nothing… _stalker._ ” You snickered at Jamie while he glared.

 

Anne came skipping over when she saw the two of you, “Did you guys hear we got a new prisoner in the cells?”

 

“How do you know that?” You should’ve known that if you wanted answers to anything, Anne would have them.

 

“Oh I have my ways,” she smirked.

 

“Who is it?” your eyes widened.

 

“No clue,” she frowned. “But I’m gonna work on Simon for an answer!”

* * *

 

 You didn’t feel like doing too much work today so you decided dinner would be a simple pasta dish. The noodles were already boiling on the stove, and the sauces were simmering. You took the opportunity to relax a moment when Corey approached you.

 

“So… how did you end up at the Sanctuary?” Corey smiled sweetly as he juggled an apple in his hand.

 

“That’s a long story.” You laughed not knowing where exactly you’d even begin to describe your journey.

 

“We’ve got plenty of time.” Corey sat down next to you. He pulled a blade from his belt and began carving his apple.

 

You took a deep breath and told Corey everything. Explaining how your group killed Negan’s men and he retaliated by killing two of yours. His eyes widened when you explained how Negan had taken you prisoner and offered for you to become his wife. Corey questioned why he didn’t see you when he first arrived at the Sanctuary. You weren’t sure how to answer. You didn’t want to reveal to him your complicated relationship with Negan. Instead, you told him that you had run away and gone back home, only to decide you wanted to stay living at the Sanctuary.

 

Corey started going into detail of how he made it to the Sanctuary. You were intrigued to hear that he was a part of a group that traveled from the west coast. He lost the last member of his group upon entering Virginia, and had luckily stumbled upon the Sanctuary just as he ran out of food.  

 

You started serving dinner and got so distracted by Corey’s journey that you forgot your very important task. You sat at a table with Corey inside the kitchen and continued to listen to him talk. It was nice to talk to someone new. Someone who wasn’t trying to push you to be with Negan or tell you how crazy you were for falling for him.

 

“Wanna hear a joke?” Corey smiled.

 

“Go for it,” you nodded.

 

“Where do the dead things like to eat dinner?” Corey raised his brows, “In the _LIVING_ room!”

 

A huge grin crept onto your face and you started laughing with Corey.

 

“Oh man, I’ve got so many of those kinds of jokes!” Corey continued laughing.

 

Suddenly, the kitchen door was kicked open and Negan stormed in with Lucille on his shoulder. His eyes scanned the room and he saw you laughing with Corey.

 

“Where the fuck have you been? I've been waiting in my room for dinner for a whole goddamn hour!” he shouted.

 

Negan looked down at your empty plate and then his eyes trailed across the table at Corey. He began to realize what was going on, _or what he thought was going on._

 

“Oh,” he paused, looking back and forth at the two of you, “Don't fucking tell me that you already ate dinner with this asshole?!”

 

“I'm sorry, I forgot I was suppose to bring your food. I'm not use to the new rules.” You stood up and grabbed your empty plate, placing it into the sink.

 

Corey furrowed his brows, not exactly knowing what was going on between the two of you.

 

“Forgot? You forgot about our deal already? Bull-fuckin’-shit! My room. _Now._ ” Negan grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the kitchen.

 

You struggled to keep up with his pace as he pulled you along the hallways to his room. He pulled you into his room harshly and sat you down in front of his desk. He stared at you intensely as he twirled Lucille in his hands.

 

“You wanna fuck up this little arrangement we have? Your little kitchen job must really not be that important to you. You leave me in this room, waiting for you, while you’re down there having dinner with some asshole!” Negan’s chest heaved with anger.

 

“Negan, please. It was an accident. Really! Nothing was happening.” You begged for him to believe you.

 

Negan slammed Lucille down onto the table, making you jump.

 

“Bullshit! You were laughing with him!” Negan’s anger started to make his body shake.

 

“Jesus! Just because I talked to someone and laughed doesn’t mean I was doing something wrong! You need to get your jealousy and anger under control. You wanted to kill Jamie at first too. Look how wrong you were about him!” You could see Negan focusing on your words, his anger started to dissipate. “Have I ever given you any reason to believe I would cheat on you?”

 

Negan smirked, “Cheat on me? That would have to mean you belong to me. As in my wife.”

 

“Oh, you know what I meant!” You rolled your eyes.

 

Negan’s smirk only grew bigger, he began stroking his salt and pepper beard.

 

“Stop that!” you glared.

 

“What?” Negan licked his lips seductively.

 

“I know what you are thinking and you’re wrong! Stop reading into everything!” You folded your arms against your chest.

 

“Come here.” Negan demanded, pointing to his lap.

 

You weren’t sure why you were obeying after what he just did, but you eagerly walked over to Negan and sat on his lap.

 

“I’m sorry for the explosion, doll.” Negan wrapped his arms around you, resting his head against your chest. You could feel his erection begin to grow. His hand trailed down to your ass and squeezed, making you whimper.

 

“Not happening.” You pulled his hand away, making Negan sigh. “Sorry, I just don’t know how I feel about this yet.”

 

Negan sighed, “Fuck, this is the longest I’ve gone in a long time with no fucking.”

 

“You regretting giving up the wives?” you teased.

 

“Nope. Not one bit. Only gonna be you now, no matter how long you make me wait!”

 

You pulled his face towards yours, “Do you forgive me for forgetting about dinner?”

 

“No, but I’m not as angry. Just don’t pull that shit again.” Negan ordered.

 

“Promise!” You lightly pecked his lips to get him in a better mood. You hoped he would answer your next question with no hesitation. “Who is in the cells?”

 

_Negan’s eyes widened. The news had spread faster than he thought. He couldn’t possibly tell you who was being held prisoner. He couldn’t risk losing you._

 

“Don’t worry about that. You should get some rest. Got big plans for tomorrow!” Negan stood up quickly and led you to your room.

 

He acted so nervous as he walked away. Right then you knew he had someone you cared about in the cells. _Someone important._

 

You decided to not go inside your room. Instead, you went looking for Jamie. You found him in the same spot inside the rec room. Surprisingly with no Simon in sight.

 

“Hey, is everyone talking about what happened with Negan in the kitchen?” You hoped Jamie would say no, even if it was a lie.

 

“Oh yeah, big time. Anne saw it all happen and the Queen of Gossip basically blabbed to everyone!” Jamie laughed.

 

“That’s just great. Ugh, I should probably explain this whole thing to Corey,” you bit your lip nervously. Hiding your relationship with Negan from him was a huge mistake.

 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. For one, Negan doesn’t need to get any more jealous. And secondly, Anne already told him every little detail.” Jamie admitted.

 

“Of course she did,” you rolled your eyes.

 

“Don’t worry about this. I’m sure it will all blow over.” Jamie tried his best to reassure you.

 

“I really hope so. You didn’t see how angry Negan got.”

 

“Sexual frustration...” Jamie winked.

* * *

 

You talked with Jamie a little while longer before returning to your room.

You weren’t able to get a good night of rest. Corey was still on your mind. You felt bad for the whole situation and wanted to explain it to him better. You had slept in much longer than you should have, finally getting out of bed you headed straight for the kitchen to get dinner started. You made sure to put extra effort in dinner, preparing a nice meal for Negan. Anne was also working with you, but she kept her distance and you were glad. Her nosey personality was really getting on your nerves lately.

 

Corey came into the kitchen, knowing you’d be there. You apologized and explained your relationship with Negan.

 

Anne had disappeared from the kitchen for who knows how long. You didn’t have time to question her whereabouts. You continued to talk with Corey until dinner was ready. You couldn’t be late for dinner with Negan again. You made up a tray with yours and Negan’s plates and quickly made your way to his room.

 

You reached Negan’s door and could’ve sworn you heard a woman laughing. You ignored it and knocked as you tried to balance the tray. As shirtless Negan quickly opened the door, he stood there smirking at you, stepping aside so you could enter.

 

Anne sat at the edge of his bed, pulling her clothes back on. She smiled at you as she headed to his bathroom, “I’m gonna go clean up.”

 

You turned to glare at Negan who had a smirk on his face. You angrily slammed the tray on his desk, bits of food flying up from the force.

 

“Thanks. We were getting hungry for food.” Negan chuckled.

 

You turned to leave feeling completely pissed off and hurt. Negan grabbed your arm and pulled you back, “I fucked Anne. You’re not gonna say anything?”

 

You faked a laugh, “I knew you couldn't keep your dick in your pants for me. Thanks for proving me right.”

 

“What darlin’? You can screw around with that other guy, but I can't get laid too?” Negan raised his brows.

 

You couldn’t help but shout at him, “I told you nothing was going on with Corey!”

 

“Anne told me otherwise,” Negan snarled.

 

“And you believed the gossip girl of the Sanctuary that spreads her legs for information?” you hissed.

 

Negan’s lips curved into a devilish grin, “At least she spread her legs for me!”

“Go fuck yourself Negan!”

 

“I've got Anne to do it for me,” he raised his brows again.

 

You raised your hand and slapped Negan hard. He shook his head angrily and took a step closer, “I'd be real fucking careful what you do next.”

 

“I can't believe I even considered giving you a chance.” You tried to remain angry, but tears were forming in your eyes.

 

Negan got distracted as Anne came out of the bathroom. You took the opportunity to storm out of the room. You hesitated in front of your door that was right next to Negan’s room, you couldn't listen to them and you didn’t want Negan coming in. You didn't want to be anywhere near Negan at the moment.

 

You continued walking, not knowing where you'd hide in the Sanctuary.

 

_You just needed to get away._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the prisoner will be revealed soon! I'd love to know predictions on who it is!


	26. You Don't Own Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You struggle to be around Negan after you catch him with Anne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: “You Don’t Own Me” - Grace

 

You didn’t have a safe place to go. At least, not one where Negan couldn’t find you. You had to leave this whole damn place. You couldn’t go back to Alexandria or even the Hilltop, but you had to go somewhere.  _ Anywhere was better than here.  _ __  
  
You stormed outside, jumping into one of the trucks and headed for the guarded gate. Simon came running up to the window, “Whoa, whoa, what the hell are you doing?”    
  
“I’m leaving.” Your grip tightened on the steering wheel as you avoided making eye contact with him.   
  
“I gotta correct you on that point. Negan hasn’t given any order that allows you to leave.” Simon started to reach for the handle of the door.   
  
You quickly pulled out the gun that had been sitting on the dash, “Don’t.” You pointed the weapon at Simon who quickly threw his hands up in the air. “Open the damn gate,” you snarled at him.   
  
Simon back up and waved for the guard to open the gate, “You’re gonna regret this.”

“I already have regret. I should’ve never come back here in the first place.”

You hit the gas and drove past the Sanctuary gates. You had no plan and no supplies. You didn’t even know if Negan would come for you.  _ Would he even care that you left? _ You slammed on the brakes, halting the truck on the dark empty road. You hadn’t gotten very far at all, but you had to pull over. Tears started streaming down your face, even though you didn’t want them to. You clutched the wheel and sobbed loudly. It was as if every tear you had been holding in finally reached the surface. You tried to hold it back for so long, tried to convince yourself that your mind was playing tricks on you. Your family back in Alexandria had to hate you for your decisions. There was no use in denying it, it was true,  _ you had fallen in love with Negan.  _ You got out of the car and began pacing, balling your hands into fists. You kicked the hood of the truck as you let out a scream. You couldn’t face him now. He had betrayed you and deliberately tried to hurt you.  _ Yet you still loved him _ , and it made you feel weak. You hated yourself for allowing Negan to make you feel like this. He had some kind of power over you, making you fear him, and love him. Without Negan, you had no one left in this world. You raised your fist and punched the hood of the truck, your hand instantly cramping up with burning pain. You felt like you were alone, but then it dawned on you.

 

_ Eugene.  _

 

_ Jamie. _

 

They were still back at the Sanctuary and they were now all you had left. You couldn’t leave the last two people in the world who actually cared about you. You were so emotional and lost that you didn’t hear the walker sneaking up behind you. You felt its decaying hands latch onto the back of your arms, and a snarling sound as it came up right behind your ear. You closed your eyes, almost welcoming death.  _ Maybe then Negan would regret what he had done. _ The second sound was unexpected, like a knife slicing through rotted flesh. The snarling was silenced and you heard a loud thud behind you. You turned to see Simon standing next to you with a knife, he had saved you from the walker. 

 

“What the hell are you doing?! I thought you were smarter than this. Get back in the truck,” Simon pointed with his knife. 

 

Simon jumped in and started the truck back up, turning around and heading back for home. You tried your best to collect yourself and wipe away your tears. A few short minutes later, and you were back in the safety of the gates.

 

“Sorry.” You mumbled to Simon before jumping out of the truck. You began walking back inside the building, wanting to forget the whole situation.  

 

“Yeah… sorry ain’t gonna cut it sweetheart,” Simon grabbed your arm roughly.

 

“Wait, what?” You struggled from his grip.

 

“You broke the rules. You need a time out.” Simon dragged you along the hall to the cell block. Tossing you inside your own cell. 

 

You hoped Simon wouldn’t tell Negan, but you knew better. You at least hoped he didn’t come in right away. You didn’t want to face Negan with your tear filled eyes. You curled up on the floor in the corner of the cold dark cell, realizing how close you were to the answer of who was also locked away down here. 

* * *

 

You woke up to a loud knock on the door. Light flooded in as the door flew open, forcing you to shield your eyes.

 

“You tried to fucking run?!” Negan’s voice growled.

 

“I don't have to explain myself to you,” you retorted.

 

“Fuck yeah you do! Why the fuck did you run?!” Negan’s chest heaved with anger as he stood in the doorway. 

 

“Why does it matter to you?!” Your eyes finally focused on Negan and you could tell from his messy hair that he had just woken up. 

 

“Simon told me you almost got bit.” Negan moved closer, stopping right in front of you. 

 

“Did Simon also tell you he let me leave?”

 

“Yeah, and Simon mentioned the fact that you pointed a fucking gun at him.” Negan leaned down and stared at you. 

 

His eyes scanned your body for any sign of injuries. You tried to not look at him, but failed. When your eyes locked you noticed something. You could tell he felt guilty. He raised his hand to your cheek, wiping over the lines that your tears had left. 

 

“Don’t,” you pulled away. 

 

“I’m s-,” Negan began, but you quickly cut him off.

 

“How long are you keeping me in here?” Your stomach growled loudly and you realized you had skipped dinner last night.

 

“You can leave. Let’s get you something to eat.” Negan stood and held his hand out to help you up. 

 

You ignored his gesture as you got up, “So who else you got down here?” 

 

Negan remained silent. He walked out of the cell and waited for you to follow, still not responding to you. You hated him for continuing to keep secrets from you. 

 

“Fine. I’ll just look for myself!” You huffed as you walked around him, heading for the next cell door. 

 

Negan quickly grabbed your arm and pulled you back, “How much more trouble you wanna fuckin’ be in?” 

 

“Don’t touch me!” you pulled your arm away and glared at Negan, “Why won’t you tell me?!”

 

“I have my fucking reasons. You’ll find out when I’m fucking ready to tell you!” 

 

“That’s not fair!” you cried. 

 

“I don’t give a fuck!” Negan growled.

 

“Of course you don’t. You don’t care about shit. Especially me.” You stormed off, quickly making your way to the kitchen.

* * *

  
  


You slammed the kitchen door open, heading straight for the leftovers from breakfast. You didn’t care who was in there. All that mattered to you was being away from Negan. 

 

“Hey, are you okay? There was a rumor you ran away.” Corey hesitantly approached you.

 

“Well, technically I did. Simon brought me back. Negan had upset me.” You tried to explain between bites of the sandwich you were scarfing down. 

 

“Anne,” Corey nodded.

 

“How did you know?” 

 

“You really think she hasn’t been bragging ever since she left his room?” Corey began cutting up fruit.

 

“Unbelievable,” you rolled your eyes.

 

“Don’t let him get away with shit like that,” Corey protested.

 

Negan walked through the kitchen doors, frowning when he saw you weren’t alone. He glared at Corey, his eyes wandering to the knife he was using. 

 

“I suggest you fucking leave before I shove that knife through your neck,” Negan threatened. 

 

Corey looked at you first, you nodded to tell him it was okay to leave you with Negan. 

 

“Can you at least try to not be an asshole?” you scolded Negan.

 

“Did you fuckin’ eat?” Negan asked as he glared at Corey walking away. 

 

“I did.” You kept your reply short, hoping that Negan would just go away. 

 

“Good. Don’t forget to bring our dinner to my room later.” His voice was harsh, but it didn’t seem to be directed towards you. 

 

“Are we seriously still doing that? What’s the point?” 

 

“The point is we have this fucking arrangement until you agree to be my wife!” Negan raised his voice.

 

You couldn’t help but burst out laughing, “You realize that is out of the question now? You’ve literally  _ fucked  _ that up. You know Anne has been bragging about it?!” 

 

“I didn't fucking know, but I will shut that shit down. Nothing is out of the question until I say so. Our arrangement still stands.” 

 

Negan ordered and quickly left before you could argue with him anymore.

* * *

 

 

You were on your way to Negan’s room much earlier than normal. You just wanted to hurry and get it over with. To your surprise he didn't immediately answer the door. You knocked again, thinking this was a mistake to come earlier when you finally heard him cursing and running to the door. He pulled it open with great force, looking shocked to see you, his expression quickly turning into a grin. 

 

He stood before you with only a towel wrapped around his waist, water dripping off his toned body. 

 

“Sorry. I'll come back later,” you turned to leave. 

 

“No!” he pleaded, “Come in. I just gotta change real quick.”  

 

You followed him inside, trying to not get distracted by his broad shoulders. As you set the tray on his table, Negan walked to his dresser and dropped his towel. You quickly snapped your head away, trying to avoid staring at his naked body. You had to focus on something, anything other than Negan. Your eyes focused on the bed, your mind replaying the image of catching Anne with Negan last night. 

 

“You know you wanna fucking sneak a little peek!” Negan confidently chuckled. He must’ve noticed you staring at the bed, “Unless you were thinking of something else? The way you’re staring at that bed makes me wonder what naughty things my dirty girl is thinking!” 

 

“You must be delusional,” you huffed. 

 

Negan took a seat on the couch and you finally turned around. You both remained completely silent as you ate your food. Your eyes remained fixated on your plate. You didn’t have to look up to know Negan was staring at you.

 

Negan finally broke the awkward silence, “I’m sorry.” 

 

You were a little shocked to hear an apology, but it still wasn’t good enough. Negan had hurt you too much this time. 

 

“That doesn’t change anything.” Your voice was cold, but you didn’t care. Negan deserved this. 

 

“ _ I don’t want to lose you...”  _ Negan spoke just above a whisper. 

 

“Too late,” you placed your plate on the table, “I’m not that hungry. Can I please leave?” 

 

“I want you to stay,” he pleaded. 

 

“I’m tired of looking at the bed where you fucked her,” you snapped. 

 

Negan sighed, he couldn't stop looking at you. He felt guilty that he brought you so much pain. He never wanted to truly hurt you, and he hated himself for it. 

 

“I made a mistake. And I know it was a fucking big one. But I hope you can find a way to forgive me. I know I don't deserve you, but I also know you make me want to be better. I promise I can do it, I can change for you.” Negan sounded so desperate that you wanted to forgive him. You wanted to kiss him and forget everything. You hated yourself for wanting to give in so easily. He deserved to suffer.  

 

_ “Or maybe you're just too far gone.”  _

 

You could tell right there that your words cut deep. You watched as Negan went over to his bar and started pouring himself a drink. 

 

“If you hate me so fucking much then why did you come back? Simon said you were crying and willing to come back. You could've put up a fucking fight, but you didn't.” 

 

“I came back for Eugene, Jamie, and whoever you've got locked in the cell. I'm assuming since you won't tell me who it is, then it's someone I know. I couldn't leave them all behind. I don't hurt people I care about like that. Can I go now?” 

 

“I'm not forcing you to stay. You can go if you want, but I hope you'll consider-” Negan was cut off when you slammed the door shut. 

 

You didn't care what Negan had to say. You didn't want to forgive him… not yet anyway. You entered your room and flopped down onto the bed. Maybe you could forgive Negan one day if he gave you some space. But one thing was for sure; Negan wasn't a patient man. 

 

* * *

  
  


You were fast asleep in bed when the sound of your door swinging open startled you awake. You looked over your shoulder to see Negan standing in the doorway. He seemed to be having trouble standing straight as he stumbled over to your bed. He lifted your blanket and began crawling into bed with you. 

 

“Go away, Negan.” 

 

“Please, baby. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I made a huge fuckin’ mistake. Forgive me,” Negan pleaded as he nestled his head behind your neck and wrapped his arms around you,  _ “Please.” _

 

You could smell the alcohol on his breath and it made you feel sick. You couldn’t stand to be around him right now. Especially in his drunken state. 

 

“Get off me! You’re drunk!” You attempted to shove Negan, but his grip only tightened. 

 

“I regret it so fucking much. I don’t want you to hate me.” Negan kissed your cheek.

 

That was the last straw. You couldn’t stand the feel of his touch right now. You gave him another hard shove and his grip loosened. You took the opportunity to get out of bed and head for the door. 

 

“Please don’t leave me,” Negan pleaded. 

 

“You brought this on yourself, asshole,” you snipped and slammed your door shut. 

* * *

  
  


You didn't care that it was past curfew. It wasn't like Negan was sober enough to punish you anyway. You made your way to the Sanctuary rec room. It was completely empty and silent, just what you needed. You laid down on the couch, trying to rest peacefully, but your mind was racing.

 

Back when Negan had his wives you didn't hate him for screwing them. You didn’t understand why you were so pissed at Negan for screwing Anne. That was the difference; Negan’s wives were already there when you showed up, and you didn’t hate them for being with him. But Negan screwed Anne to hurt you, and threw it in your face. You hated Anne for it, and as much as you wanted to hate Negan, you couldn’t. You hated yourself more for still loving him.

 

You heard a gentle throat being cleared and looked up from the couch. Amber had entered the room, looking like she needed an escape of her own. She sat across from you and remained silent. 

 

“What’s wrong with you?” you finally asked.

 

“I miss Mark.” Amber seemed more angry than sad.

 

“I’m sorry about that. I wish he could’ve been saved from that farm too.” 

 

Amber shifted in her seat. She seemed to have a lot on her mind, but you weren’t mentally prepared to deal with her. You massaged your temples to try to relieve your throbbing headache. 

 

“Are you okay?” Amber asked, but didn’t seem to have much concern in her voice. It was as if the Amber you were talking to was drained of emotions.

 

“Headache,” you continued to massage. 

 

Amber’s mood seemed to change, “I’ve got aspirin!” she smiled.

 

She handed you a bag with two little pills inside. 

 

“These don’t look like aspirin,” you held them up and examined the pills closely. 

 

“Well, it’s aspirin Eugene made. He’s really smart like that. Anyway, it works just the same! Been helping a lot of people around here, especially with headaches. Take them. It will save you a trip to Eugene’s.” 

 

You wanted so badly to dull the pain, so you popped both pills into your mouth. “How fast do they work?” 

 

“Faster than you would think. I should get going now.” 

 

Amber took off out of the rec room. You started feeling the effects of the pills almost immediately. They were strong and took you by surprise. You wanted to get some sleep and you were heading back to your room when you remembered that Negan was probably still in your bed. You turned, heading for Jamie’s room instead. 

 

You started to stumble down the hall, your vision becoming blurry and your chest tightening. You felt like your throat was closing up on you. Was it possible you were reacting strangely to the pills Amber gave you?  _ What exactly did she give you? _

 

“Hey! What’s wrong?” A figure ran towards you. 

 

You tried to force your eyes to focus on the person standing before you. You felt your body starting to slide down the wall as your knees got weaker. 

 

“Talk to me!” He cried out again, and you tried to focus again.

 

“Robbie?” You felt his arms tighten around you. 

 

“Everything is going to be okay. I’m going to get you help.” You felt your body being lifted off the ground. 

 

“Robbie, I think I overdosed on Eugene’s aspirin.” You barely mumbled out.

 

“Eugene gave you asprin?” Your eyes focused more and you realized it wasn’t your dead brother holding you. 

 

“No…” your voice trailed off, “Amber did.”

 

“Shit!” Jamie sped up and you could feel your body start to convulse.

* * *

 

 

You woke up in a comfortable bed, feeling sore and weak. Your throat felt like it was on fire. You looked around the room and realized you were laying in Negan’s bed, with Negan staring right at you. 

 

“What happened?” You tried to sit up, but felt nauseous.  

 

“Amber tried to poison you.” Negan walked over, handing you two small pills and water.

 

You hesitated taking the pills from Negan, “Don’t worry, it’s just aspirin _ … real aspirin... _ for your head.” Negan assured you.  

 

“Why did she poison me?” You downed the pills and water, hoping your headache would soon dissipate. 

 

“She blames you for Mark dying. She said if he wasn’t out looking for you, then he’d still be alive. I know she got the pills from Eugene too.” Negan stood up grabbing Lucille and headed for the door. 

 

“No! Negan!” You jumped out of bed and ran to him, knowing he was going to kill someone.  

 

“I will do everything I fucking can to make this right. Like I fucking said before, I can’t lose you.”

 

“Negan, I can’t live in fear of you anymore! I can’t do this, it’s too much. You surround yourself with pain and secrets.”

  
“You’re right. I wanna be different, I wanna be better for you. I’ll change, starting with no more secrets…” Negan sighed as he walked over to the door. He opened it almost as if he felt defeated or afraid.  _ “I guess it’s fuckin’ time you found out who I got in the cell...” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prisoner reveal is happening in the NEXT chapter!


	27. Prisoners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prisoner is revealed. Tension arises in the kitchen as Negan’s jealously turns into a deadly situation.

_“This looks promising!” You smiled as you ran over to the food trucks. **  
**_

_You were with Daryl and Aaron and you guys had just come across an old food factory. It was possible these trucks were full of canned food._

_“Don’t get ya hopes up,” Daryl hollered as you ran up to the first truck and inspected it._

_“If we come away with a trailer full of cans, I’d say that was a good trip!” Aaron smiled._

_Daryl bent down, pulling open the latch on the truck. The door flew up, and the sound of the doors on all the trucks went flying up as well. Then the smell hit you… death. The trucks were full of the dead._

_You jumped back, almost bumping into a walker behind you. Daryl grabbed your hand, running with Aaron back the way you came in. There was hoards of them coming towards you. Daryl jumped in front of you, stabbing his knife into one of the walkers._

_He turned around and started running back towards the trucks. Aaron hit the ground, crawling under one of the trucks, and Daryl pulled you to follow him. The walkers were falling to the ground, pulling their dead bodies under the truck to follow you guys. Daryl grabbed a long chain he found, “Come on!” he shouted._

_He quickly darted out the other side of the truck. You and Aaron followed behind as you both watched Daryl whip the chain, slicing the heads off three oncoming walkers._

_“Damn.” You let slip out under your breath._

_Aaron must’ve been impressed too. He paid no attention to the walker that snuck up behind him. Luckily, Daryl turned just in time to kill it. He grabbed your hand again, “Stay close!”_

_You ran with him as fast as you could. The walkers were surrounding the three of you and you tried to slice your axe into as many of them as you could. Daryl ripped open the door to a car, shoving you inside first. Aaron barely made it in as the walkers surrounded the car._

_“What… the hell… was that?!” You were still breathing heavily._

_“Help me find something to cover the windows. Maybe if we can block the view they’ll file out.” Daryl started looking around the ground for anything of use._

_Aaron opened up a crumpled note he had found on the seat, ‘Trap. Bad people coming. Don’t stay.’_

_“Oh my god. What are we going to do?” You began to panic. Daryl clutched onto your hand to try to calm you._

* * *

Negan clutched onto your hand now as he lead you down to the cells. He was finally going to give the answer you so desperately wanted. Finally, you would know who was in the cell.

“Now don’t get pissed at me. I didn’t fucking go after him. He showed up on our fucking doorstep looking for you. I could’ve killed him, but I didn’t. I spared him…  _for you_.”

“Negan… what did you do?” You shook slightly from the nerves.

“I didn’t do shit, doll! I swear I didn’t fuck him up, even though I really wanted to! I even remembered to water and feed him!” Negan chuckled.

Finally, you reached the door. Negan pulled the key out from his back pocket, hesitating with a deep sigh. He looked up at you and you could see the fear in his eyes. You gave him a soft smile. He stopped opening the door and pulled you into his arms, kissing your lips gently.

_“I know. I love you too,” you smiled up at him, “Even when you piss me off. I still love you.”_

_Negan seemed surprised by your words, but also hopeful that this meant you could forgive him for the mistakes that he made. He turned and finally opened the door. Your eyes fell on the prisoner who sat on the cold ground looking dirty and tired._

* * *

_“Do you see that?” Rick pointed in the distance._

_“Yeah… What is it?” You squinted into your binoculars._

_“Safety. It could be our new home.” Rick pulled his backpack on and looked back towards the group. Lori was really far along in her pregnancy now and would soon need a safe place to give birth. Raising a baby with the dead walking around was going to be difficult._

_“It’s a… a… prison?” You tilted your head._

_“Think about it. It’s gated, has high guard towers, possibly weapons, and food. We could clear the dead out of it easily.” Rick desperately tried to convince you. He needed this idea to work. It was his last hope since losing Hershel’s farm._

_“Rick, do you really want to bring your family to a prison?” You pointed towards Lori and Carl._

_“What’s wrong with it? It could be a really secure place. I’m tired of running. We all are.” Rick sighed._

_“Okay, fine. It’s gonna take Daryl some convincing though. He’s not going to like the idea of sleeping in a cell.” You grinned at Rick as the two of you began walking back towards the rest of the group._

_Rick smiled at you, “If anyone can convince him… it’s you.”_

* * *

“Daryl!” You fell down to the ground to hug him. He gripped his arms around you tightly.

“Are ya okay?” he whispered in your ear.

“Yes, I’m fine. What are you doing here?” You pulled back and brushed the hair from his eyes.

“I couldn’t give up on ya yet.” he mumbled.

“They hate me don’t they?” A tear slid down your cheek. You assumed Daryl had hated you too. You couldn’t brush off the looks you got from everyone when you were in Alexandria. Daryl refused to even be near you then.

“No one could ever hate you. We’re family, remember?” Daryl pulled back to look you in the face. His eyes were glossy as he struggled to get the next words out, “They don’t understand. Hell I don’t, but I lo-”

“Alright that’s enough of that!” Negan pulled you to your feet.

“Negan!” You pulled your arm away from him, making Daryl jump to his feet, “Don’t touch her!” Daryl lunged at Negan.

Negan shoved Daryl back against the wall, “You really wanna try that shit on me? I could fucking kill you right now!” Negan shook Daryl aggressively.

“Please, Negan!” You tried to wedge yourself between them, “Calm down, please.”

Negan stared into your eyes as he tried to calm down. The look in his eyes became softer when he realized how afraid you were, not for yourself, but for Daryl. Negan walked over to the door and held it open for you, “Time to go.”

“Can I please stay with him a little longer?” You held onto Daryl’s arm.

Negan looked over at how you were touching Daryl and his mood shifted again. He looked pissed. Negan leaned backwards and chuckled. The way he was acting made you feel nervous. It was almost as if he was putting a show on for Daryl. He didn’t want to show weakness.

“Don’t make me fucking drag you out of there.” Negan spoke, his voice stone cold.

You hugged Daryl, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before you joined Negan outside the cell. He suddenly slammed the door shut and locked it.

“What the fuck was that about?” Negan growled at you.

“What do you mean?” You tilted your head puzzled by his question.

“You know damn well what the fuck I mean! I didn’t even realize the two of you were together! I should’ve fucking killed him the moment he showed up here.” Negan pointed Lucille towards the cell.

“Don’t you dare! Plus you have nothing to worry about. We aren’t together anymore!” You followed Negan as he stormed off.

“Why aren’t you together? Don’t tell me the fucking reason is because he became my prisoner when we met in the woods.”

“No… well yes. Sort of. Negan, it is complicated.” You sighed.

Negan stopped suddenly and turned to face you, “No, I think it is real fucking simple. Your boyfriend has come to save the day and take you back home. Maybe kill me in the process. Be the big hero of the day.”

“Negan, I’m not leaving.” You crossed your arms.

“Bull shit! You already ran away twice!” Negan raised his voice at you.

“Excuse me? For one, I left the first time to try to protect you after you locked me in your room. I wanted to prevent something bad from happening at Alexandria. The second time you really gave me no choice. I didn’t want to be anywhere near you after what you did!”

“You almost died both times! What the fuck would I have done if you died?” Negan looked at you seriously. The pain and fear evident on his face.

You rolled your eyes, “You would’ve managed just fine. I’m sure Anne would’ve been there for you after you finished grieving for a few seconds.”

“Stop throwing that in my fucking face! Is that really how you think I’d react to your death?” Negan reached out and tried to cup your face, but you pulled away.

“Honestly, Negan? You really haven’t given me a reason to think otherwise.” You began to walk away and Negan followed close behind.

“Listen, you’re right. I’ve been a real fucking dick.” Negan sighed and rubbed his neck, “I got a lot of shit to work on, but I will win you over. No matter how hard you try to push me away.”

You narrowed your eyes at Negan.  _You push him away?_  You had every right to push him away and deny him! You had already given him more than you should have. What exactly had he done for you? Killed your friends, took you prisoner, threatened people you cared about, and screwed women to try to hurt you. Honestly, could Negan ever really change?

“Why is Daryl locked up?” You asked point blank.

“He was caught climbing the fence. I had to lock him up.” Negan narrowed his eyes.

“Why? Why didn’t you let him go? Or bring me straight to him? Why did you try so hard to keep this from me? I literally had to have a near death experience to get you to bring me here!”  
  


Negan was silent. He didn’t know how to answer. He didn’t want you to find out because he did want to possibly kill Daryl. He didn’t even know why until a few moments ago. He was afraid of Daryl. He felt threatened by him. He didn’t want to risk pushing you away more.

“Your silence proves my point. You can’t possibly change if you are doing the same shit. You obviously don’t care about me if you wanted to keep this a secret.” You turned around and began walking away again.

“No!” Negan grabbed your arm to stop you, “Look, I had every chance to hurt him, but I didn’t. I was afraid of him. I don’t want to force you to stay here, that’s not my style-”

“Let me remind you that I was brought here as your prisoner and you locked me in your room once, plus put me in a cell. But please… continue…”

Negan sighed, “As I was saying… I was afraid Daryl would convince you to leave. I was afraid you’d see him and take the opportunity to run. I know I got a fucked up way of showing it, but I don’t want to lose you.”

“Negan, you’re worst enemy is yourself. You are the only one that pushes me away.” You kept walking, determined to clear your mind by working. Negan noticed you started walking in the opposite direction of his room, “Where you going?”

“Work.” You prepared yourself to have to argue with Negan. He was definitely going to throw a fit about this.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You just had a near death experience! Rest is what you need.” Negan tried to pull you in the opposite direction by your hips, but you pushed him off. 

“I don’t want to lay around anymore! I feel fine. I just want to keep myself busy. Please don’t fight me on this.”

“Fine,” Negan sighed, “One condition is I get to come with you.”

“In the kitchen? All afternoon? WIth me? Don’t you have better things to do?”

“Don’t fight me on this, doll. If you want to work today then I have to be present. Deal?”

“Deal.” You opened the doors to the kitchen. Your eyes immediately fell on Corey who was also working in the kitchen today.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Negan growled.

You stopped Negan from approaching Corey, “Play nice, Negan. He didn’t do anything.” You saw Anne also walking around the kitchen and you instantly felt enraged, but you controlled your emotions. “See Anne is here too and I’m not acting like a jealous child. And I have an actual reason to hate her presence.”

“Alright, but there is one rule…” Negan locked eyes with Corey as he walked by, “You aren’t allowed to say one fucking word to her.”

Negan hopped up on the counter and watched carefully as you helped prepare dinner. Jaime walks in to give Negan an update and he can immediately notice the tension in the room. Corey begins cracking jokes to lighten the mood, but it almost seemed like he was trying to annoy Negan.

Corey grabbed a block of cheese and laughed loudly. Which got everyone’s attention, including Negan. “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?” Corey grinned and began to slice the cheese, “Nacho cheese!”

You looked away from Negan and tried to suppress a smile. Jamie stood in front of you and began looking back and forth at you and Negan. Corey kept looking towards you, making Negan start tapping his fingers against the counter.

Corey continued making his jokes, finally getting small laughs out of you, which started to piss Negan off, “Shut the fuck up!” Negan shouted and slammed his hand on the counter. Jamie leaned over to whisper in your ear, “I don’t think this is a good idea for you to stay in here. Take Negan and get out.” Jamie begged.

“No, we are almost done.” You walked over to the drained pasta and began scooping the plates for dinner. While Jamie was talking to Negan, Corey took the opportunity to help you with the plates.

“What do you call a fake noodle?” Corey raised his brow at you, “An Impasta!”

You bursted out with laughter making Negan quickly turn around and see you with Corey. He was next to you moments later, pushing Corey away from you, “Enough with the fucking jokes! Back the fuck off!” Negan shoved Corey harder when he showed no fear.

“Hey Negan, wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nevermind. It’s too long.” Corey snickered.

Negan chuckled, “Oh, you think you’re funny, huh? Dead men can’t tell jokes.”

“What are you going to do? Huh? You won’t do shit cause she is standing right there!” Corey suddenly pulled a gun out from behind his back and pointed it at Negan.

Negan’s men began to move forward towards Corey, “Don’t! I will shoot!” he threatened.

Negan whistled and motioned for his men to move back. He approached Corey slowly, showing no fear. “You’re real stupid!” Corey looked at the Saviors that had backed off. Negan looked around the room, “What? Because I told them to back off? I care about my people. I don’t want to just march them on the line of fire because I want to play ‘my dick is better than yours’.” Negan grinned at Corey, “It is. We both know it.”

Negan was staring straight into the gun that trembled in Corey’s hand, “You know… I don’t think you even got the balls to pull the trigger!” Negan swung Lucille hard and it hit against Corey’s leg, making him fall to the ground. 

_The impact caused him to pull the trigger and a shot rang out over Negan’s head._


End file.
